CMV: Women use male stereotypes to weed out men for potential sexual relationships or interaction.

TyrianPlum · 2016-04-07T01:30:34+00:00

Are you sure you aren't just letting the conversation drop after mentioning your career? I personally would have little to say in response to the simple fact of your career aside from "Oh, that's cool". I just don't have enough knowledge of the field to ask about particular types or specializations, the way I would if I were talking with someone in my field.

"Oh wow! I had no idea you surfed! That is dreamy :)"

Activity photos are good conversation starters, especially when you have just put them up on Facebook. It's odd to start a conversation about years-old photos. As far as Tinder, it's easier to talk about a photo where you're doing some activity than a generic photo of yourself. For some people, it is also beneficial not to have a photo where their face is front and center.

autoNFA · 2016-04-07T00:46:15+00:00

"When I wear poorly fitted and out of style clothes I get less positive attention. When I dress to impress I get taken seriously."

In other news, water is wet and fire is hot.

Congrats on your discovery.

c_in_macn · 2016-04-07T00:34:05+00:00

people want to date interesting people who they have common ground with. I also work in software-- the conversations that might interest people like you or I tend to be incredibly dull to anyone outside the industry. there's a lot of jargon that probably sounds like klingon to, say, a teacher or nurse for example. I once witnessed a single friend of mine who I was wing-womaning for off-handedly mention load testing to a girl at a bar. that conversation dried up quicker than she could cringe. some careers are universally interesting and exciting but sadly ours is not one of them. but that's ok-- it's not the only thing about us, thats why we have hobbies and interests.

so play up the fact that you surf-- that's something that lots of people can appreciate a little more. more people have a rudimentary understanding of surfing, or perhaps feel like they know a thing or two about it, than they do about dev. I wouldn't say women are passing judgment about you sexually when you mention your career so much as they are coming to the conclusion that you and they might not have much to talk about. it's tough to keep a conversation going with someone who you have 0 shared life experience with, even if they're smoking hot. and lets be honest-- not many devs are that smoking hot for a stranger to put in the effort to pretend to be interested in their career just for a bang.

grumpapotamus · 2016-04-07T00:57:04+00:00

I once told my doc I had a high stress job and clarified that I was a software engineer and he was completely shocked those two things could overlap.

People rarely have any knowledge of or interest in this job. Reddit has spoiled you for easily talking to other IT types but in the real world you are not relatable. Get used to it and learn to adapt now.

Edit: In the interest of disclosure I'm a female dev and it definitely throws people off but I don't cry to the internet about it. I make an effort to explain very little about my job to strangers I socialize with and turn the conversation elsewhere quickly.

shogunofsarcasm · 2016-04-07T02:04:12+00:00

I don't entirely disagree with you but I definitely don't completely agree either. I think all people have preferences in who they are interested in. As in, some women dislike "nerds" some men dislike "bimbos" etc. Having a preference or type just kind of makes sense. Having a type usually means that people of that type look as if they'd be sexual lyrics gratifying, though you may learn later that it wasn't the case. I think a person's attractions are biological and probably somewhat tied to the stereotypes they prefer which can be anything.

An example from my life would be me. I like dating people who have something in common with me so I tend to go for nerdier people. I tend not to go after the jocks because I assume we would have nothing in common. I could be wrong and that person could prove otherwise through conversation but I normally won't actively search for someone like that.

Wo-person · 2016-04-07T01:28:59+00:00

I'm a freelance concept artist. Guess how many people actually care about character rigging or color pallets or mood boards? Not many. What you need to understand is that stereotypes are safe. Men do the same thing when looking for partners as well. Is he going to go for the geeky chick or the model? Pretty obvious answer.

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sublimemongrel · 2016-04-07T01:15:54+00:00

Is you're view based on tinder, FB, and other online forums alone? Because it's really hard not to stereotype if you're basically only presented with an online profile type of first impression.

I, personally, think men who work with computers are sexy, so idk maybe you're chatting up the wrong women? (I am not saying all men, just pointing out that that fact alone would not be a turn off for me)

ProbablyBelievesIt · 2016-04-07T00:39:19+00:00

Everyone has to start somewhere.

I don't care how deep you are, the odds are really good that if you're actively looking for someone to date outside of your social circle, you're really just hunting positive emotional associations and avoiding the negative.

Men do it. Feminists and anti-feminists do it. Geeks and jocks and goths and nerds and God fearing and atheist alike.

We're all chasing our tiny natural highs.

Very few people analyze it all like a computer.

And that's part of the problem. The moment you bring up software engineer, many people are struggling to relate to it in any way but the most abstract, logical sense - unless they're deep into it all already. It kind of kills the mood.

Obviously, this kind of thing can be overcome, but why make it your first impression? How does software engineer in any way relate to whether you're a good partner?

Unless, of course, you're filtering out people looking for an easy thrill.

GridReXX · 2016-04-07T02:20:22+00:00

My view is, women assume the sexual gratification they will get from a man, based on superficial stereotypes, that don't directly influence biological feelings of attraction.

Many women natrually dry up at the thought of fucking a loser. I would say that is biological.

Maybe they associate software engineer with someone who isn't cool or confident or sexy.

All three of those of things are important regarding biological feelings of attraction.

redmachines · 2016-04-07T01:27:36+00:00

They aren't physically attracted to you so they look at non sexual qualities to convince themselves that they are physically attracted to you. Personally I don't get it. If I am attracted to someone and she isn't interesting, I will find interesting things that we can do together.

[deleted] · 2016-04-07T01:52:00+00:00

My view is, ~~women~~ people assume the sexual gratification they will get from a ~~man~~ a member of the opposite sex, based on superficial stereotypes, that don't directly influence biological feelings of attraction. CMV.

It's 2016. We live in an extremely superficial society. Tinder doesn't help. Who cares, not like we can change society.

[deleted] · 2016-04-07T02:18:46+00:00

Every time, or 99% of the time I mention in the first conversation with a girl that I work as a software engineer, or work with computers, their interest in the conversation and me decreases, and I don't end up going on any date with them or going any further.

I agree, I think that kind of work is a pussy shamwow

I need to run some experiments to confirm

RedHoser · 2016-04-07T02:39:31+00:00

I don't see what view here is to be changed. You're describing basic patterns.

Social conditioning and human experience allow us to develop patterns and change future behaviour.

Women have learned that generally, software engineers are typically worse mates, while surfers are typically better tinder matches. Just like how if you saw a girl with a bald head, or a hijab, or a Make America Great Again hat on, you'd make assumptions about their character. It's not rocket science.

daveofmars · 2016-04-07T02:43:23+00:00

You on the surf board didn't necessarily advertise sexual prowess but instead probably advertised a guy who likes to have fun. That thrust for adventure is just another point of attraction that you now fulfilled. I'd bet that no women, even unconsciously, thought the surf board meant she'd get off because of the stereotypes in her head.

That just seems more reasonable to me.

BluePiller1776 · 2016-04-07T03:27:38+00:00

I do agree with a lot of what you are saying, but I think that its an extremely small hurtle to over come. Ill focus on your two examples.

I understand the struggle of working in an IT field with women. I wont deny that some women will completely scoff at the profession. But if you talk passionately about your job, usually that will garner more praise. I usually explain to them why I got into the field and or something funny about my job. It doesnt matter what you do, just make the conversation enjoyable. No girl is going to cares that I ran a health report on a cluster this afternoon, but they do think the time my boss dropped a $2000 server on his foot (breaking both his toes and the server) is funny. It sounds like your being self-conscience about talking about your job before you sleep with girls. After you feel confident and speak how you really feel about your job. Speak with the same confidence when you open with girls and they will respect that.
Women like guys with hobbies. I don't think any girl would see one surfing picture and label you a surfer bro. I would say that it has to do more with seeing you doing something fun that they can relate to. Chances are that those girls either like to surf as well or go to the beach in general. Having hobbies in common with be an attractive quality to a girl.

Overall I would say speak confidently about what you do when you talk about your profession and try to find common ground to talk about after.

sittinginabaralone · 2016-04-07T03:37:44+00:00

Sounds more like software is boring and surfing isn't.

Nothing about me between my last profile picture and the surfer one changed significantly.

Were you doing something cool in your old one? Doubt it.

How do you manage to convolute something so obvious?

I work as a software engineer

Oh, right.

BiggerDthanYou · 2016-04-07T07:15:42+00:00

Every time, or 99% of the time I mention in the first conversation with a girl that I work as a software engineer, or work with computers, their interest in the conversation and me decreases, and I don't end up going on any date with them or going any further. When I don't mention this fact in the first conversation, my success rate is far higher.

Are you sure it's what you say and not how you say it?

If you are insecure about it she will notice that by the way you talk and if you do something you aren't proud of that's unattractive.

Or maybe it became a red flag of them. I usually mention that I'm not like the other nerds and that's enough to keep them interested. I personally don't like nerds myself so I can tell her what's wrong with all those other nerds.

Saying that you are a nerd might be as off putting to her as a women that says to you that she's a SJW, is a genderfluid furry and wants Sarkeesian as the next president. Even though she could be chill you know how all the others that are like that are so you instantly want to vomit.

And well nerds are the bottom of the barrel of men and are known to be boring, bitter, entitled and weird so the moment you mention that you are a nerd she will notice these things about you.

Nothing about me between my last profile picture and the surfer one changed significantly

Yeah but the surfer one shows that you've got a life and actually leave your basement. Shallow values like muscles and haircut aren't as important as being interesting.

They will always use the available information on your profile to build a picture of how you might be. The hobbies you choose, the way you dress, your smile and other little things will tell them about your subculture, values, taste, etc

A quick glance at you can be enough to decide how your personality is.

I'm always basically the same personality wise. But with a Ray Ban and some swaggy clothes they will mention how confident and cool I am, but with an christmas sweater they will mention how caring and emotional I am. The way you dress and present yourself is a reflection of your personality.

My view is, women assume the sexual gratification they will get from a man, based on superficial stereotypes, that don't directly influence biological feelings of attraction.

That's true to some extent.

That's why I also think that TRP is focusing too much on the wrong things. There is so much focus on things like muscles and job while they don't change anything about the fact that they are still boring cunts without any noticeable personality.

energyvolley · 2016-04-07T17:27:43+00:00

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[deleted] · 2016-04-07T18:15:28+00:00

I weed out men who are one or more than one of these:

Manipulative
Mean
Liars
Immature
Irresponsible
Impolite

These traits to not belong to any stereotype.

bornredd · 2016-04-08T16:17:34+00:00

Yup. If I'm a business consultant, girls are interested. If I'm a software architect (who consults), they aren't.

Guess which one is my go to?

Title	CMV: Women use male stereotypes to weed out men for potential sexual relationships or interaction.
Author	oilpainter777
Upvotes	10
Comments	84
Date	April 7, 2016 12:13 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4dol80/cmv_women_use_male_stereotypes_to_weed_out_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-women-use-male-stereotypes-to-weed-out-men-for.275260 https://theredarchive.com/post/275260

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