Q4W: Women of PPD, how hard was it to get your current SO to commit to you?

sublimemongrel · 2016-02-07T01:58:07+00:00

1) I think it was pretty much understood when we starting sleeping together that it was exclusive. We never had a conversation explicitly stating "we are GF/BF and we are exclusive" just kind of starting spending lots of time together + sleeping together = GF/BF status and exclusivity. This is what we both wanted, however, so there wasn't ever any confusion.

2) sex before exclusivity, yes

3) neither, we both mutually wanted commitment

4) I would say we are about equal. In college I was perhaps pursued by more men than he was pursued by women, but that's college so not really how the world works. And he was by no means ignored by women.

5) I am 30 he is 32

madscientistlove · 2016-02-07T01:59:22+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

Three days

Did you have sex first?

Yep. I seduced him and took him home from a bar the first day we worked together.

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

Him. We were hanging out on my balcony on day 3 of knowing each other, and he asked, "So... are you my girlfriend?" Answer was yes. <3

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

I think he's literally the hottest man I've ever seen, but I might have husband goggles on. Who knows.

How old are both of you?

I'm 26 and he's 28.

Been together almost 5 years now!

TheChemist158 · 2016-02-07T01:06:47+00:00

We were both very commitment minded, so it didn't take long. Pretty much from the start (about two weeks in) we were monogamous. Well, we agreed to be monogamous. It's not like we were seeing other people during this time. Were started having sex after this. I was 20 and he was 21 when we met. I'm not sure who is more conventionally attractive. I'll post a picture but I consider us on par with each other. Not much more to say.

Here's the picture. Not the best picture but it's the only one I have around.

[deleted] · 2016-02-07T00:34:35+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

We became exclusive like a week after our first kiss. But then we went through a 6 month period of breaking up/getting back together. He would claim he needed space but could never stay away for too long ;)

Did you have sex first?

Almost a year after the first kiss. With all the break ups/make ups I wanted to be sure it was for real.

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

I tried not to push as I knew it would just freak him out. I wanted commitment but he was always trying to pull the "I don't like labels" and I played it (relatively) cool.

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

I'd say equal but I had a good inclination that this was the guy so I was pretty committed to making it work.

How old are both of you?

Early 30's.

[deleted] · 2016-02-07T00:40:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

demerera · 2016-02-07T00:51:55+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

2 months ish

Did you have sex first?

Yes

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

He brought it up, but I had been dropping hints and wanted us to be exclusive

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

I think I'm more attractive

How old are both of you?

Im 22 and he's 25

[deleted] · 2016-02-07T01:08:45+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

It was pretty much exclusive from the get-go. We had been dancing around one another for over a year.

Did you have sex first?

See above.

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

It was literally entirely mutual. If you want to know who brought up the subject of marriage first, it was him.

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

He is a bit more attractive than I am these days when I'm not all kitted out with hair and makeup. When we were younger, it was pretty much equal. When I am pregnant or postpartum, he is obviously a great deal more attractive than I am.

How old are both of you?

I am 41 and he is 45.

Feel free to add any other interesting information.

We had been dating for about two months when he came down with a ripping case of bilateral pneumonia. I made him come and stay in my shitty little tenement apartment when it was obvious that he was very ill, but before we knew that it was pneumonia. The day after the Fourth of July, I bundled him into a cab and took him to the Georgetown emergency room, where his condition was diagnosed. I then brought him back and kept him at my place until he was recovered. He was taking gigantic antibiotic pills and was pretty sick to his stomach for a few days, so I was fetching wastebaskets for him to throw up in while he was still too weak to get out of bed.

He later said that he was pretty sure he wanted to marry me by that point, but the pneumonia sealed the deal.

[deleted] · 2016-02-07T01:49:38+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

it's been a while... tough to remember. no more than a few weeks.

Did you have sex first?

almost, but no. we were essentially strangers when we had our first kiss, though.

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

there wasn't much pushing from either side, honestly. i asked, he said yes, and we moved forward. the interest was mutual. as far as getting married... the occasional pushing for that was from him, so to my regret, i had to tell him no more than once. i brought up the topic again last year after reevaluating my feelings about it, though, and we got married less than a month after.

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

approximately the same.

How old are both of you?

i'm 27, he's 37.

[deleted] · 2016-02-07T02:24:42+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

Met on OKC, talked for maaayyyybeee a week? Had phone conversations etc before our first date (also the first time we met in person). We became exclusive before the end of our first date. He didn't ask, just stated "You're mine now" and that was that. :0)

Did you have sex first?

No. I did kiss him on the first date though, so I actually broke one of my personal rules!

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

I made it clear from the start that I was only looking for an LTR, but that I was willing to go on some dates/take the time necessary to figure out if we'd be a good match.

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

He's far more attractive than I am, and generally sees my faults/oddities as amusing quirks.

I'm younger than 30, and he's younger than 35.

He was the first man to ever pick me up (literally). It was so easy for him, as a 6'00" woman, the entire experience was both foreign and delightful.

ozymandias271 · 2016-02-07T04:23:27+00:00

Polyamorous, so not exclusive.

He told me he loved me about a week after we first met in person. My relationship with my then-primary broke up about six months after he and I met, and then we became primary partners.

Not only did we have sex first, but our first interaction (other than arguing about politics on Twitter) was him asking for a picture of my tits, which I provided.

He didn't really push, but he made it very clear that he was interested in me in a way he had never been interested in anybody else.

I'd say we're about the same? I'm an extremely niche product, though.

I'm 24, he's 28.

appencapn · 2016-02-07T05:33:21+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

Immediately clarified that stuff after sex so not long

Did you have sex first?

Yes, awkward, awkward sex

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

He said I love you immediately after we had sex and then again the next day so more him I guess but I wanted to be in a committed relationship with him

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

Approximately the same. We are both uggos but most of the time I think he is very cute and I like his hair and his eyes and his chin.

How old are both of you?

23, 23

[deleted] · 2016-02-07T03:37:47+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

About two weeks before 'exclusive' as neither of us was interested in dating anyone else.

Did you have sex first?

No.

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

I can't recall, actually.

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

About the same.

How old are both of you?

At the time, 22 (him) and 21.

oryxic · 2016-02-07T04:02:59+00:00

I had the opposite problem. We went on a couple of dates and then I lecture him on making goo-goo eyes at me because I wasn't looking for a long term serious relationship (had just divorced, wanted to have some fun and not be tied down).

Three years later we're living together so you can see how well that worked.

We did have sex first, he pushed for it, he's way more attractive than I am, we're both in our 30s (me early, him mid).

downunderit · 2016-02-07T04:26:42+00:00

we had sex before we even had a first date. And when we started dating decided to not date anyone else. we were friends first and wanted to see if it would work in a relationship.

Neither pushed for commitment it just happened naturally. Being that as friends for two years we were almost inseparable it was pretty much a given we would relationship if the sexual chemistry worked out

I could be more attractive but I don't dress up, wear makeup or make an effort except like once in a blue moon. So based on that I would put us about the same. I have awesome youthful looks and if I put in the effort get hit on by 20 year olds. I'm also way more in shape then him.

I'm 34 he is 35

I'm more dominant, social, extroverted. He is quite introverted but super handy. So he tends to do more manly stuff round the house. Whilst I do more of the cooking/organising our life/budget etc. Oh yea he isn't the greatest with money but follows my budget :)

We also have very few comprimises since we basically are the same person in cleanliness, food tastes, travel etc.

No plans to get married or have children. Both of us don't want it. I personally don't agree with marriage because I think its religious bullshit and defacto in Australia gives you all the same benefits.

wombatinaburrow · 2016-02-07T04:33:06+00:00

We dated for a month or so, before deciding to be exclusive. Then we had sex. I was on the rebound, so he was keener than me, and prepared to wait until i was ready.

We're both about the same level of attractiveness. We were 18 and 25. We're now in our 40s.

rubybooby · 2016-02-07T05:20:54+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

We never officially clarified this, as in there was never a conversation where we said we are officially together as of now or anything. We had been dancing around each other for over a year and it was pretty mutually clear that neither of us intended to see other people from the start. I think it took a couple of weeks for us to start referring to each other as 'girlfriend/boyfriend' frequently.

Did you have sex first?

We had sex after about a month but did other sexual things pretty much immediately.

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

It was pretty mutual and never really discussed. Although as our relationship has continued, I have typically been the one to bring up any topics relating to commitment first. For example I was the first to bring up moving in together, I was the first to bring up conversations about marriage. It seems like once I bring it up he feels fine to discuss it and will do so openly but he doesn't like to initiate the discussion.

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

I'd say we are about the same.

How old are both of you?

I am just turned 27 and he will be 31 in a few months. We have been together for nearly 5 years now.

philomexa · 2016-02-07T05:22:17+00:00

We were friends for about a year and a half, but I didn't think he would be interested in me/I was his type because I observed him plowing through sororities while being on again and off again with his blonde, blue eyed, hippie dippy ex girlfriend.

Eventually he needed a roommate and I needed a place to stay. The night I moved in we slept together, the next morning we decided to become a couple, a month later we eloped.

We moved fast, but we were crazy in love/lust. There's more to our story, like how his ex annoyed him with her wishy washy behaviour, and how he was tired of party girls, and how he grew disillusioned with his frat/the scene/the girls/his ex because no one bothered to visit him when he was injured besides myself.

I found out later that our year and a half long friendship was just an exercise in misunderstanding and sexual tension. He had a crush on me, but didn't think I (a 'good girl') would be interested in a hound dog like him. Likewise, I had crush on him but didn't think he would be interested in a lame non-sorority girl such as myself.

I'd say we're equal levels of attractive? I find that hard to quantify. He has glorious long hair, a mischievous face, and a decently muscular body. Despite having a kid I kept by body tight and my fashion/hair/makeup game on point.

I'm 31, he's 32, and we've been together since I was 20 and he was 21.

yasee · 2016-02-07T06:18:26+00:00

We agreed to be boyfriend/girlfriend after about a month of dating, the morning after we had sex for the first time. That bit was mutual, but every other step has involved him pushing (or waiting on) me. We are probably on par now; he's lost weight since we got together. Late 20s, coming up to 10 years.

Seranade · 2016-02-07T06:37:11+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

I think about a week or two.

Did you have sex first?

Nope. There was cuddling and kissing and general intimacy involved but nothing sexual beyond groping

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

He did. Kinda. One night we were hanging out, he was talking to a friend online and typed "I'm hanging out with my..." then he looks at me and asks "we do everything a couple does. I should start calling you my girlfriend now, hey?"

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

On Friday night, some drunk guy we walked past making this offhanded comment on how someone like me managed to get someone like him. He's more attractive.

How old are both of you?

22 now, 18/19 when we first met.

chasingstatues · 2016-02-07T07:01:42+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

I think it was like two weeks. I initiated the convo and it was pretty awkward. Found out later that it was weird because he thought we were already official.

Did you have sex first?

No, we had sex over a month into the relationship. It would have been just one month, but we actually couldn't figure it out. It took us three different tries, each a week apart, before we finally managed to have sex. Don't worry, we've got it down now.

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

No one pushed for it. We fell in love. We wrote each other poetry. Love letters. Erotic haikus. We stared into each other's eyes for long periods at a time. It was wonderful.

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

Definitely more. I always thought he was handsome, but my desire has only grown for him since we started dating (a little over 3 years ago).

How old are both of you?

I'm 26, he's 22.

brontesaurusrexx · 2016-02-07T07:30:22+00:00

We dated about a month before he wanted to be "exclusive" (on facebook)

We did not, our first date we didn't even kiss; the third date he got a blow job (would've been sex but I was on my period).

Nobody really pushed a commitment, but he suggested we show exclusivity on facebook, and after that we got serious.

He's probably equally attractive as I am, maybe a little less? I'm actually not sure. He's hot, and was regularly sleeping aroudn before we got together. I could've probably been sleeping around much more than I was. because I'm sort of picky.

He is 29 I am 28.

There's not much more to add - he slept around a lot, but much less than I did but it was his choice. He had moral-sort of complex about sex up until a year or two before we got together, otherwise he would've been killin it with the ladies.

I was pretty promiscuous up to a point - I had to respect the guy in some way before we slept together.

Startled_Butterfly · 2016-02-07T08:07:21+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

I guess a week.

Did you have sex first?

Yes.

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

Me.

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

He is much more attractive.

How old are both of you?

21 and 25, 18 and 22 when we got together.

ChaosRedux · 2016-02-07T08:12:37+00:00

We were dating about 2-3 months before we made the commitment, but had been living together for about 4 months already (he's on a work visa here and we always planned to live together once he arrived). Prior to this, we had been FwB the year we met, so yes to the sex, minus the year where we were an ocean away from each other.

He definitely pushed for commitment more than me, I was pretty content to leave it (which now seems crazy to me because we're amazing together, but I've never been particularly inclined to commitment), though he respected my wishes and was not pushY about it, just expressed the desire.

I'd say we're both equally attractive, although he gets extra points for having a sexy accent.

He's 24, I'm 23.

MyronBlayze · 2016-02-07T09:43:50+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

Eh, I don't actually know if we ever did have a talk about being exclusive. It was kind of decided automatically and without discussion I think.

Did you have sex first?

I tried. I got drunk, got naked and asked to have sex because I knew I liked him but I wanted to make sure we were sexually compatible before moving forward. He said no and that he didn't want to have sex with me while I was drunk especially for our first time together. Holy fuck did I ever respect him for that decision.

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

Him, maybe? Pretty equal in general agreement I think I was maybe more aggressive with pursuing him but he was more adamant on locking me down, so to speak

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

I'm pretty sure I'm more attractive. Not insanely so but just a bit but I also get a +.5 because of shortness /cuteness

How old are both of you?

I'm 22 and he is 26

Feel free to add any other interesting information.

We've been dating for over 4 years now. He wants to get married and I know 100% it means a lot more to him than it does to me (I don't care if I never get married or have kids , he wants both with me). He has the same views towards equality that I do and I really appreciate and respect him both for that and just in general. I'm probably the more dominant one in the relationship but I have no problem handing over the reins sometimes. Everything is split fairly, 50/50 or however else works. I treat him to dinners and whatnot just as often as he treats me. Am open to questions if anyone has them.

OfSpock · 2016-02-07T10:51:53+00:00

A week or two before clarifying exclusivity, no sex first, he wanted me not to date others, we are in our forties but were 22 and 24 at the time.

[deleted] · 2016-02-07T11:21:02+00:00

About 5 months. We were friends first - no romance, no sex.

Yes, sex before commitment.

Him. He was very definite we were meant for each other. I was extremely hesitant because I was just out of a dead-bedroom, terrible relationship and wasn't ready to get serious with anyone.

I think he's more attractive. He says I am. People say we look good together. Who knows?

I don't give personal details on here but he's a few years younger than me. I didn't think this would lead to a permanent relationship. He had quite a few girls interested in him at the time and I thought we were just going to be friends and I totally accepted that. We've been together over 6 years now and are still just as passionate about each other.

LindenMairead · 2016-02-08T23:17:14+00:00

I'll go with my last SO, since there isn't a current one.

Around three months
No
Him
Physically, he was less attractive, but his humor and our shared interests made that irrelevant to me
At the time, I was 22 and he was 27.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2016-02-09T02:21:05+00:00

How long did you date before clarifying exclusive commitment?

Maybe like a week? Two weeks?

Did you have sex first?

Nope, we did it a few weeks later.

Was it you who pushed for commitment or was it him?

There was no pushing involved, it sort of just happened :) He asked if we were bf/GF though and I agreed.

Is he significantly more or less attractive than you, or approximately the same?

Same

How old are both of you?

24

Feel free to add any other interesting information.

We are still in love 3.5 years later :)

Title	Q4W: Women of PPD, how hard was it to get your current SO to commit to you?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	65
Date	February 7, 2016 12:26 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/44j0k2/q4w_women_of_ppd_how_hard_was_it_to_get_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-women-of-ppd-how-hard-was-it-to-get-your.276415 https://theredarchive.com/post/276415

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