Q4BP Women: What ways have you ever wronged a partner and how did you make it up to them?

[deleted] · Tue Sep 29 12:01:24 2015 UTC

[permanently deleted]

3dbattleship · 2015-09-29T13:31:31+00:00

My Man and I are both pretty laid back so we don't get on eachothers nerves much, but occasionally it happens. I'll give you the most recent example, from this weekend. He was in a bad mood from things in his life that have nothing to do with me, and I made a comment that was insensitive; it hurt his feelings. How it was resolved: He took a nap, and while he was napping I got over my frustration, made a cheesy macaroni bake with garlic bread, and when he woke up apologized sincerely, fed him, engaged in some, ah, excercise activities, and then ended the night on a very good note by driving way out into the countryside to watch the eclipse and blood moon while sitting on the roof of the car, cuddling, making out, and glancing at the moon once in a while haha

edit: oh I guess I interpreted the OPs question as a Q for women, it's Q for BP, hmm I may be considered more rpw than most ladies so disclaimer here, sorry!

3dbattleship · 2015-09-29T11:27:27+00:00

I've accidentally hurt his feelings sometimes with things that I've said. In the case I remember most recently, I realized he was hurt, apologized, bought him his favorite chocolate that I had delivered to him (we're long distance), and then dressed up in what I know he likes very best and had a sexy Skype call. He felt much better. It's my usual strategy when I screw up; sincere apologies, food, sex.

Edit: and I remember what I said/did, wind up writing a long-winded reflection on it in my journal, and don't do it again.

Edit2: cuddles or a massage if he's not in the mood for sex.

LUClEN · 2015-09-29T12:17:21+00:00

That's a hasty generalization. Your anecdotes don't give enough data points to surmise that about all women.

MissPearl · 2015-09-29T12:01:47+00:00

Occasionally I say stupid stuff, as all humans do. Sometimes I'm inconvenient or inconsiderate, once in a blue moon I'm dead wrong or partially wrong.

An example of a "wrong" might be that my partner gives me a lift to work every morning. I don't need it- public transit is fine, but it's faster to go with him. However traffic in Montreal is intolerable past a certain hour so if I go with him I have to go super early.

Thus if I hitch a lift I have to go when he wants to leave, and it's easy for me to run late. Last week I as late, and he waited for me, and traffic was terrible. He missed out on his quiet morning tea in a cafe before work.

I could make it about how I do more things in the morning, cleaning wise, including getting up before him and making him a cup of tea (cafe tea is tea #2 of his day) and why can't he just wait five more minutes; maybe he should get up earlier and help with morning chores and blah, blah, blah. But instead the key things were to remember

A) That he really, really values a stress free commute. B) Giving me a lift is doing me a favour even if I don't need it. C) I get up earlier and fuss and make tea because I want to, not as a down payment to make me entitled to things.

So the appropriate response was to apologize, show I understood his position and make it clear he can leave sans me. I can still get to work on time, thus removing his main stress, which was feeling trapped by not wanting to make me late. He didn't really need prezzies, just to know that I understood and respected his position.

In a more clear cut case, I lost something of his. I apologized, a lot, and replaced it several times over. Happiness was had.

[deleted] · 2015-09-29T14:14:18+00:00

I was pussy footing around telling him I was worried about taking a vacation. He was rightly confused and frustrated. I explained my concerns, apologized for not being direct about them and purchased tickets.

[deleted] · 2015-09-29T14:15:26+00:00

I'm a guy. Anyway, the last time my girlfriend wronged me was the time I let her borrow a book for a class and she ended up selling it after the quarter was over. She gave me the money she got from that though. Aside from that, there is like, nothing, I don't we have even fought before because there is like, nothing to fight about.

Edit: In contrast, my ex constantly cheated on me, and because of that, I had to grow a spine. So I have experienced both extremes as far as relationships go. My girlfriend now is really great to me, she recently got me a camel figurine from India, since camels are a symbol of love.

planejane · 2015-09-29T15:33:42+00:00

I genuinely want to answer this question, but I've been single for three years and my memory is getting fuzzy.

I know when I was with my ex, occasionally neither of us treated each other very well, but I think that was largely due to our youth and inexperience (we were each other's first everything).

I can tell you I sometimes lashed out a bit extreme early in the relationship for feeling ignored (There's not a lot I can do to compete with Mary Jane and Jack, though), but as time went on, he eventually set limits on his own activities when he realized they were affecting other parts of his life, as well as our relationship.

Besides that, honestly? I can't remember much. We had several good years together and split as much over context and situational factors as we did emotional dissatisfaction.

Once we got past 19, we treated each other very well, up until the last 6 months of the relationship. I tend to be pretty low maintenance (been told too much so, by male and female friends) and independent. As long as I'm sexed regularly and cuddled occasionally and can have some interesting and intelligent exchange once a day, I'm a loyal and happy partner.

downunderit · 2015-09-29T21:20:01+00:00

I just asked him because I couldn't think of anything. He looked at me sadly and said I don't know... you left the sponge in the sink full of water?

Yea we don't fight...ever.

There was a moment last year when i was leading a back-country hike and he got upset because I walked off by myself into the bush for some reason. He was giving me the silent treatment at the campsite but I made him talk it out. I don't believe in holding onto anger.

I didn't think what I did was wrong but I respected that he felt differently (he was worried) I apologised for upsetting him and promised not to walk off again.

I mean I've learnt from past relationships and now I communicate/comprimise which has resulted in the awesome relationship im in now.

Xemnas81 · 2015-09-29T13:51:15+00:00

I don't remember specifically what happened but I do remember myself constantly apologizing when I was with my first boyfriend . For some reason in this relationship I was always wrong and he was always right . Thinking back now , I doubt this was the case.

HarryLillis · 2015-09-29T15:20:13+00:00

I can't say my partner and I have ever wronged each other, that seems a lot more severe than anything that has ever happened between us. I also don't necessarily feel she needs to make it up to me if she hurts my feelings or something, partly because she instantly feels absurdly remorseful, and partly because I'm a grown person and don't require some kind of recompense for every way I've ever felt hurt.

It sounds like you're immature and attract immature women. Next question.

RareBlur · 2015-09-29T13:23:06+00:00

WTF? Mature people own up to their mistakes. What a dumb question. It isn't a "BP theory" to act like a child and it isn't something that you need to be RP to accomplish.

[deleted] · 2015-09-29T12:54:49+00:00

hard to say; i'm pretty careful, so the instances are few. i was in a long distance relationship once that i ended pretty abruptly, because i was tired of being lonely. never really made it up to the guy; a clean break seemed best.

in the past, i also dated someone i almost immediately wanted to change, and i held on to that hope when i shouldn't have. he was a piece of shit regardless, but that expectation of change wasn't really fair.

i used to be a little colder in the relationship i am now, in self defense i suppose. i was kind of closed off, and i didn't want to get married for a long time so i would make that clear any time i thought he might propose and i know those things hurt him. i realized i was being unfair and maybe even cruel by being distant with someone who had been so giving though, so i took a risk and let my guard down. we're better than ever, and i know he's happier now too.

there are also the minor things that we just talk through (similar to things other people mentioned here) but those don't really have a big impact on us and are easily addressed.

[deleted] · 2015-09-29T18:43:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

rulenumber303 · 2015-09-29T18:40:53+00:00

Oh I'm all the time screwing up and laughing at him when he's not feeling like taking a joke or getting angry at him, them's the breaks, if he wanted deliberately crafted perfection he'd have been well advised to find one of those girls who dot their i's with smiley faces.

I don't believe in feeling obliged to do specific things to make up for specific events... on on his part or mine. Either you're running well in credit in terms of goodwill because you're all the time doing good stuff and your partner is the sort of person to see and value that or you're sailing close to the wind and the relationship is fucked and you should just be doing more in general OR you need to accept there's no pleasing some people and end the relationship. That said, if I've made someone sad sometimes I'll try to do things to make them happy again quick because happy is better... but the idea of "making it up" doesn't really apply so much as just preferring happiness, it is the same dynamic as seeing them unhappy from any cause. In our household making people happy seems to mostly involve finding them interesting things and experiences.

[deleted] · 2015-09-29T20:04:06+00:00

The lack of digital communication. I am not a huge communicator over texting/email...my iPhone will remain uncharged for days. He wanted more communication, so I owned up to that I am shitty with digital communication and now make sure to have my iPhone charged...and send him a good morning! and then every so often I'll tell him how his text messages brighten my day :) I am not a very emotional person...so I had to work on this.

Still learning :)

itsalreadybeenthrown · 2015-09-30T03:41:32+00:00

I told him I forgot to pick up his order from gamestop. I did apologize.

[deleted] · 2015-09-30T18:36:05+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TheChemist158 · 2015-09-29T15:22:10+00:00

My boyfriend and I have never had a serious fight. I'm trying to think of times that I actually wronged him. Best I can think of is when I accidentally smacked his balls and made him chocolate milk. Maybe other examples will come to me.

In all fairness, he never really wronged me either.

GridReXX · 2015-09-29T15:27:59+00:00

I sided with my boyfriend's "arch nemesis" at a coffee shop.

Although he didn't tell me who the guy was or their history until we got home and he was being all sulky and passive aggressive.

In our conversation at the coffee shop I did in fact happen to agree with the other guy more, but I didn't even acknowledge our mutual agreement, save once.

Me and the BF had a conversation about it at home. He told me their competitive history. I said some comforting "baby talk," apologized, and baked him (us) a brownie.

He then poured me a glass of red wine, because I LOVE red wine.

The end.

Title	Q4BP Women: What ways have you ever wronged a partner and how did you make it up to them?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	107
Date	September 29, 2015 11:08 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3mtjbg/q4bp_women_what_ways_have_you_ever_wronged_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4bp-women-what-ways-have-you-ever-wronged-a.279336 https://theredarchive.com/post/279336

Comments