Is a woman insecure if she doesn't want to marry a promiscuous man?

alreadyredschool · 2015-08-16T07:18:50+00:00

What amazing times we live in when simple pattern recognition - one of the fundamentals of humanity, one of the very few things that separates you from a lemur - is labeled as "insecurity" and treated like some sort of mental disorder.

[deleted] · 2015-08-16T05:29:59+00:00

As many have stated before, it depends on her motivation. For me it was a simple preference. I wanted a partner who didn't separate emotional intimacy and physical intimacy.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-08-16T14:01:41+00:00

This would be a deal breaker for me because his actions reflect his character and values.

This behavior says to me that the man is a short-sighted hedonist. Many women are cool with that--fine, go marry one of those. Look, my parent's generation (Baby Boomers) already went through this free love, sex positive nonsense. It was a disaster. I want no part in this train wreck.

Here's the thing. Marriage is hard. It requires commitment, which means working through the difficult stuff instead of bailing. A man who has gone through life with free and easy sex from many partners is the kind of guy who is there when it's free and easy but who bails when it gets real. He has already demonstrated this 30 times. No thanks. But don't worry, gents, there are hundreds of women who don't hold the bar so high.

historyhill · 2015-08-16T14:07:30+00:00

See, I hear Red Pill men talking about how they have an aversion to "slutty" women. I guess I can't judge that too much, because when I read this and saw that the hypothetical promiscuous man had 30 or more partners, my first thought was "Oh, gross. I'd never date him." It's not insecurity, it's a "I would want/wanted my partner to be on the same level as me."

In my case, there are also religious reasons for not wanting a man with a high partner count; if he's that high up, he's either not religious or is REALLY inconsistent about practicing it (and that's actually the real dealbreaker for me).

Edit: a word (typo).

cravenravens · 2015-08-16T13:08:24+00:00

I wouldn't be thrilled about a promiscuous man (wouldn't be a dealbreaker though), and I think that's because I'm quite risk averse. I don't have a problem with someone calling that insecurity.

TheChemist158 · 2015-08-16T03:29:29+00:00

You're starting an action, not a motivation. She could have this aversion from insecurity, such as worry that she won't be as good as his past partners. Or it might not be based on insecurity, but rather believing he might not be able to pair bind with her for example. I personally wouldn't want to marry a man slut. Not only does it feel wrong, but it also reflects radically different views of sex, which often lead to higher rates of infidelity.

ee4m · 2015-08-16T11:04:51+00:00

She is being smart .

She is probably being dumb if she is using anything above slightly higher number than the lowest of counts as her only metric though .

Its pretty obvious that there is insecurity in a lot of red pillers when they talk about "sluts" , though.

As well as it being true that promiscuous people are more likely to be promiscuous .

whirled___peas · 2015-08-17T22:57:31+00:00

Yes, I think it likely comes from a place of insecurity.

My boyfriend and I have never discussed each other's past sex lives or number counts, and I don't want to. I have no idea what his number is and he doesn't know mine.

He's always been a good boyfriend and never given me reason not to trust him, but I'll admit that if I found out he's been with a huge number of girls before me, I could see myself being insecure. I'd start to let it get into my mind that there must have been a girl before me that was prettier, better in bed, more fun, etc. That he missed "playing the field."

So I make the deliberate choice not to ask so that I don't dwell. I'm not immune to those insecurites so I have no interest in bringing them into my relationship.

gamergenes · 2015-08-16T17:51:22+00:00

It's not a bad idea to question marriage based on someone's past history, that sounds like the smart thing to do. Do you trust the person, or has he cheated before? It's good to find things like that out, and use the best judgement to judge his current character.

[deleted] · 2015-08-16T23:20:36+00:00

Is a woman insecure if she thinks she doesn't want a promiscuous man as a husband? Or is she having a valid reason to avoid a slut to marry?

It's not insecurity. I don't want a promiscuous man. I don't consider them a good bet for an LTR. For casual sex, they'd be fine.

30 plus partners doesn't have to mean he's a slut though. If he's 30, that's only 5 girls a year. If he was a woman, I'd hardly consider her promiscuous.

For me, promiscuity means putting sex above everything and making it the focus of your life.

[deleted] · 2015-08-17T12:09:21+00:00

Why is insecurity always bad?

When I started lifting, I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and realised I could be better than I was, and now I am.

I see the point OP is making, when a man says he wants a woman with a low dick count, people say he is insecure, he is flipping it round to prove a point, but there is something wrong with people who think there is something wrong with others who see the potential for improvement. Our society is way too fluffy and feel good with no real substance.

exit_sandman · 2015-08-16T08:40:27+00:00

Yes she is insecure, but that doesn't mean her doubts are unreasonable.

Villaintine · 2015-08-16T12:30:30+00:00

Is insecurity that big of a deal? Even if she is so fucking what, it's a personality flaw, there are tons of them.

ECoast_Man · 2015-08-16T14:58:08+00:00

Maybe. It depends on whether her aversion is based on insecurity or not. It may be because she is insecure about 'measuring up' to past women or maybe it's because it's a preference based on other reasons.

However, I don't know such women and I don't think this is a real problem. Women don't care about a mans number unless he's a virgin or Ron Jeremy.

redmachines · 2015-08-17T03:31:34+00:00

I think you are confusing "insecure" with intelligent. Why engage in a LTR with someone promiscuous and risk having your heart broken or in the man's case, your money and kids? There is nothing insecure about protecting yourself from people who do not have your best interest in mind.

f3yleaf · 2015-08-16T05:29:28+00:00

VERY few guys has 30+ partners, and the guys who have had to work really hard for it, with the few exceptions being guys with "lucky" genetics combined with horniness.

Any girl can get a 30+ partner count if she wants, even fat, dumb, lazy, slob DNB's.

Again people need to stop pretending there is some sort of gender-symmetry where there is not. Obviously if a girl does not want a guy with a high partner count thats fine, but its likely the guy with a high partner count wont commit to her anyway, unless she is very fucking special to him, if every guy had 30+ partners then a significant part of girls would not be able to find their BB.

wombatinaburrow · 2015-08-16T12:45:40+00:00

Protective behaviour rather than insecurity. Who wants to be dumped and left heartbroken by a player as he moves on to his next toy?

goatismycopilot · 2015-08-16T12:57:17+00:00

I guess I am qualified to answer this being a woman and all. I would hesitate to marry specifically a promiscuous man who admitted to me he had cheated. In my age group, 30 plus partners is not crazy. I would also be uncomfortable dating a man who had a ton of ONS situations because it would make me think that was his SOP. For me personally, a player guy just turns me off. Knowing a bunch of women have slept with a guy does not make him higher value or increase my curiosity.

veyron3003 · 2015-08-16T15:55:38+00:00

Why would a man with endless supply of ass want to settle down?

SmurfESmurferson · 2015-08-16T04:43:23+00:00

Yep, she's insecure.

If he's given her nothing but commitment, and reasons to trust him ... who cares? He digs her.

f3yleaf · 2015-08-16T04:24:00+00:00

The thing is that the male equivalent of slut is "creep who cant get laid"

If a woman is awesome in bed and has an awesome, cute, fun personality, backs up her man, and has a good education she will be able to lock down a man, and even if he fucks another girl it will have a minimal impact on the relationship since he wont get pregnant and usually wont fall in love with a new girl if he is experienced. The exception is if he has to pay child support for a pregnancy out of the relationship which will impact his SO, experienced guys generally dont fall in love because of sex, no matter how good it is.(no matter what media portrays, this only happinds to inexperienced guys)

Dietyz · 2015-08-16T03:22:31+00:00

if a high partner count is from a high smv than it a good thing

if its from hookers or some shit than its assumed you have a low smv so a bad thing

smv is what really matters when it comes to selecting males

If a woman wants a non promiscuous high smv guy than she just has very specific standards, nothing wrong with that. If a woman claimed that lack of promiscuity was more important than smv in her companion than id say shes lying to herself

Madness20 · 2015-08-16T21:01:58+00:00

I doubt most woman would consider marrying someone that has had less than that number of partners, if you consider the fact that "marriage" material man have to have a lot of experience to even reach that "status", self-confidence and ability to seduce someone he would consider marrying himself.

The number might scare women, but in reality, for a man to reach that status of even being considered marriage material and wanting to marry a woman he got, has to have had a great ammount of experience in order to reach there.

Title	Is a woman insecure if she doesn't want to marry a promiscuous man?
Author	gavinok
Upvotes	6
Comments	90
Date	August 16, 2015 3:20 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3h5yfs/is_a_woman_insecure_if_she_doesnt_want_to_marry_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-a-woman-insecure-if-she-doesnt-want-to-marry-a.280288 https://theredarchive.com/post/280288

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