[all pills] Are your rules male and female infidelity the same? If a husband or wife cheats, is it the cheater's fault, or the spouse's fault for driving the cheater to it?

TheChemist158 · 2015-06-02T00:16:16+00:00

It is always the cheater's fault. Cheating is an active choice and saying it is anything but their fault is just trying to take away their accountability for their actions. Doesn't matter if it is male or female, each sex has free will and makes their own choices. If they aren't happy in their marriage, they should deal with that. Divorce, talk it out, or live up to your poor life choices.

That said, I'm a big fan of having a very self-centered world view. You cannot change other people. You cannot force your spouse to be loyal. You cannot talk people out of stealing your car or robbing your home. Rather, you should always be concerned with what you can do to make your life better, because the only person you have any real control over is yourself. So it's not that it is justified to cheat, but your should understand certain behaviors might make your spouse more likely to cheat. Always be aware of your actions and choices, and how they might affect others and yourself indirectly.

TheGreasyPole · 2015-06-02T07:31:13+00:00

I don't think it can ever be as simple as this.

What of the man who cheats after a 2 year Dead Bedroom ? Or the woman who cheats because Husband has totally failed to provide and protect her through inactivity and laziness ?

Every happy family is the same, every unhappy family is unhappy in it's own way.

Those circumstances are going to dictate who "RP beleives" is at fault, but I don't think that would differ from a BP assessment except in one important manner.

RP would always assume the man bears all responsibility for rectifying the situation. Simple as that. You are the man. You have to sort it out from here, wherever here is. No other fucker is going to do it.

Whether that be folding your hand cleanly, making another arrangement with another girl, fixing your marriage or any other path out of the current situation.... It's the mans path to create, implement, follow through on and ultimately his success/failure to grasp.

This may not be very fair to some males. But the point is not to be fair, lifes not fair. The point is that the male is the only one who is both talking to us and who can rectify the situation.... So we tell him to take that control.

Then we tell him what to do with it to achieve his goals. I believe we have a much higher success rate at this than I've ever seen any other sexual advice system achieve. Certainly orders of magnitude ahead of r/DB and r/relationship.

If he cheated.... Keep your mouth shut. Cock back in your pants. Do you want to fold and be dealt another hand or not ? Here is the strategy for achieving either goal, but we advise that if you are ending your marriage to end it cleanly and fuck the other girls after.

If she cheated..... It's the same initial call. Fold your hand, or play this one. Thats the guys call. If he plays on...We advise how to kill the affair stone dead. How to enforce the peace. The ultimatum that has to be used, and how to deploy and use it for maximum effect. How to police the relationship in future and how to self-improve to remove the underlying root cause of her dissatisfaction... If he wants to fold, we advise how to fold cleanly and leave himself in the best possible sexual/financial/legal situation.

OfSpock · 2015-06-02T00:18:46+00:00

The cheater is at fault. Divorce is easily accessible nowadays.

despisedlove2 · 2015-06-02T01:27:01+00:00

It is never the partner's fault.

If he/she cheats or is abusive, divorce.

If he/she has low libido, see a therapist.

If he/she can't make the time or doesn't have the energy, talk, and see a therapist if necessary.

There is no excuse for cheating.

rulenumber303 · 2015-06-02T00:40:12+00:00

Cheating is two things, the act of seeking/finding satisfaction elsewhere and then covering it up either actively or by not revealing the act. Seeking satisfaction elsewhere may be the shared fault of both parties but covering it up is all the fault of the person who covers it up.

ProtoPill · 2015-06-01T23:58:50+00:00

Let's try to answer this question like a lawyer would, without any emotion and applying only logic.

In the law, we refer to fault as liability. An individual is liable for their tortious actions when their actions caused harm. Causation is separated into two types: actual and proximate. The former is instructive here. Actual cause follows the "but for" test, i.e., but for X, Y wouldn't have happened.

Similarly, for example, if your husband cheated, he is liable for cheating on you, i.e. he broke a promise he made to you and he harmed you. Liability is established for him. But what about for you?

To answer this question, we need to determine why he cheated, so we look at the cause. It is possible that your neglect of his sexual needs and constant nagging caused (in the legal sense, i.e. but for your neglect and nagging, he would not have cheated) him harm, which lead to cheating. Therefore, we can say that your neglect and nagging caused him to cheat, and therefore you should be partially responsible. Accordingly, both you and your husband are liable for his cheating, however emotionally unsatisfying that may sound.

Glenbert · 2015-06-02T03:01:55+00:00

Has this same question not b been asked a dozen times?

adrixshadow · 2015-06-02T06:16:49+00:00

A man shouldn't cheat.

If a man wants to see other women he should tell her to her face.

A cheating wife is a non-negotiable relationship over.

Cuckolding is the most disgusting thing to a man and a disloyal wife has absolutely no value to a man. Throw her out.

Aspiring_Hobo · 2015-06-03T05:45:19+00:00

Women and men cheat for different reasons. When guys cheat, it's never about his girl. It's just that he found a piece of pussy he couldn't turn down. That's how a guy can cheat yet still love his girl wholeheartedly. It's purely a physical aberration.

However when women cheat, it's because the guy is not doing his job. Women don't cheat because they want more dick, that's not in a female's nature. They cheat on you emotionally.

[deleted] · 2015-06-07T00:41:49+00:00

I rarely excuse cheating. The only time I can be lenient is when the cheater cannot get out of the marriage without terrible consequences, and the reason for cheating is abuse or dead bedroom that cannot be fixed despite their best effort. Basicly if the person is trapped in a bad situation they didn't knowingly walk into. Then I can blame the spouse.

Women cheating on weak husbands and men cheating on fat wives cannot blame the spouse.

Reginleifer · 2015-06-02T00:49:23+00:00

I tend to judge on a one on one basis, when it comes to people I know.

It's kinda hard to collect and verify data on this sort of thing. So I just go along with believable factors ,like if one partner was getting enough sex, or there was previous infidelity.

I tend to assign blame on cheaters more though.

ECoast_Man · 2015-06-02T02:17:34+00:00

Cheater is always the dishonest one?

However, im intrigued with the notion of men taking advantage of no fault divorce like women do, and just going for it.

Whisper · 2015-06-02T02:42:49+00:00

Are your rules male and female infidelity the same?

No.

Female infidelity is unacceptable, male infidelity is not.

haircombsnightmare · 2015-06-02T00:00:12+00:00

It depends on every situation, honestly. Some cheaters have wonderful relationships and still cheat. Others do it because of a real problem in the relationship. One can't generalize, because every relationship is very complex and personal. I agree it's always a very shitty thing to do to your partner, but the reasons vary.

sovexing · 2015-06-02T01:30:02+00:00

It's everyone's fault unless the cheater is a pathological liar and entered into a monogamous relationship under false pretences.

[deleted] · 2015-06-02T03:20:19+00:00

it's the cheaters fault. at the same time there are situations where cheating is probably the best way to go.

Example: If you're in a sexless marriage and there are children involved and everything else is ok, fuck it. cheat. better to have your needs met discreetly elsewhere and the children can have a stable environment than turn their lives upside down.

also, this is a scenario specific to modern no fault divorce. in the past with at fault divorce, a spouse was responsible for meeting their partners sexual needs, and one could leave them if they wouldn't put out.

[deleted] · 2015-06-02T01:02:58+00:00

People need to fuck strangers. I don't place on "blame" on that. The only relevant factor for me is the quality of the person. For a high-quality person who makes good choices, fucking strangers is acceptable regardless of relationship status. For a low-quality person, fucking is always wrong.

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