Why would a woman say she want's a nice, sweet gentlemen to go out with, when she in fact ends up with an asshole?

[deleted] · Sat May 30 18:37:15 2015 UTC

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Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2015-05-30T19:34:17+00:00

Because whenever women describe what they want, add "be attractive and then be..." to whatever theyre saying.

So:

"I want him to be attractive and then be nice, sweet, considerate"

They are presuming they are talking about an attractive jerk who is being nice and sweet to THEM

[deleted] · 2015-05-30T19:32:12+00:00

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Villaintine · 2015-05-30T19:23:58+00:00

Because they prioritize physical attractiveness and good looking young guys tend to be assholes? Why do guys claim that want sweet girls but then fall for the bitchy hot sorority girl over the homely sweet girl? Same reason. Young people are shallow.

[deleted] · 2015-05-30T19:27:22+00:00

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xthecharacter · 2015-05-30T20:50:11+00:00

I think that, when this actually happens (e.g. the guy doesn't just think he's nicer but is actually somewhat bitter, or the "asshole" isn't actually an asshole, just a guy who has an opinion and is willing to stand up for himself), it's because the asshole has learned to trick the girl into thinking he's nice while maintaining his aggressiveness, and the nice guy may actually be nice but just hasn't asserted himself enough for girls to take interest in him.

If you're nice but never approach girls and try to start something with them, surprise surprise, they probably won't show you interest. (Unless you're super super high value, of course. Then they come to you.) If you're a bit meaner but put yourself very much so out there, then surprise surprise, girls will show interest in you and start interacting with you, which could lead to hookups or relationships. Initial interest =/= commitment, though, so remember that even if she ends up with an asshole, if he really is an asshole, she probably won't stay with that asshole -- or, she might stay with him by her own delusion but be very dissatisfied, leading to terrible situations like deception, cheating, and divorce.

The bottom line is this: the match-making social process is not determined by how nice you are. It's determined by how capable you are of being available, accessible, and conducive to demonstrating interest and responding properly to interest.

[deleted] · 2015-05-30T23:26:13+00:00

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SpaceWhiskey · 2015-05-30T23:19:18+00:00

They say they want to be made to feel special.

This is the key. Confident guys who other guys think are assholes make girls feel special, and that feeling of validity is enough for some young women to put up with coarse behavior because they believe he'll become a gentleman if they're nice enough to him. These are often women with low self-esteem.

[deleted] · 2015-05-31T01:08:09+00:00

They do want the nice caring guy, so that they can fuck the brawny asshole behind his back, while nice guy runs around being her manservant and emotional pillow.

noodles99 · 2015-05-30T20:51:11+00:00

18-25 year old people are self-absorbed and don't necessarily have the life experience to correctly assess someone's personality. At this age your life is more about having fun and dating physically attractive young guys. You want them to be nice and caring, but not clingy and desperate. I think some RP males don't understand the difference.

Ultramegasaurus · 2015-05-31T06:24:36+00:00

Women have a real knack to sugarcoat their desires and to keep a facade of being the morally superior sex. This facade is needed to keep themselves on the pedestal. They might not find the nice guy truly desireable, but they sure enjoy free goodies, trinkets, meals and validation.

It's also pretty obvious when you consider that women really love to tack negative character traits onto unattractive men, e.g. dangerous, scary, misogynist or entitled, whereas "he's too ugly for me" would suffice.

By the way, it is not a conscious conspiracy, but happens subconsciously for the most part. Women are anxious about their conflicting desires themselves. They ought to want a nice guy who treats them right, but their urges betray them.

_ArchitectofThought_ · 2015-05-30T19:45:39+00:00

You're not actually nice.

The "total assholes" are not actually assholes.

ddrluna · 2015-05-30T20:54:03+00:00

This is the way I always discuss this subject whenever it comes up.

Person A and B are both nice, polite, sweet and gentle.

Person A has a good job, dresses well, takes care of himself, and has a good sense of humor and a confident air about him.

Person B lives in a crappy apartment, has no general life skills other than working the till at a gas station, let himself go a little in the weight/health department and is a little more of an introvert.

I think it's obvious what most women will be attracted to. Being "nice" is a default status for most people. Ignoring the part that the "jerks" or "assholes" in your mind are being simplified down when in fact they are probably winning women over with their charisma or healthful appearance, most women I see sleeping with them are generally just looking for some ass and not a solid relationship anyway.

I used to be with someone who was arguably very nice, but we broke up for many, many personality incompatibilities. When I started dating my now husband, I'm quite sure he was seen as "the asshole" by my ex and his group of friends. But he's not. He's very kind and gentle and caring with me, but he's also very intelligent, confident, and we share a lot of interests.

These kinds of conversations tend to be pointless because men don't simply fall in cookie cutter shapes of either "nice guy" or "asshole". They have a whole constellation of personality traits, only some of which are going to be attractive to a given woman.

videogamesfan · 2015-05-30T22:22:19+00:00

I never have had a relathionship but if someday i have a boyfriend i prefer stay with somebody who have a personality like mine, same hobbies a yes i prefer a sensitive guy...

I think(i m not sure) that girls who go with assholes(i dont know how you interpret asshole). A. Are assholes like they. (People prefer stay with similar people) B. They think that this guys needs they more than others guys. I think that a lot of girls dont like assholes, but some girls can like they.

lolobviously · 2015-05-31T00:57:07+00:00

NONONONO

What people want and what makes people attracted are not the same thing.

TDCRedPill · 2015-05-31T17:21:38+00:00

Their desires are the natural product of evolution, giving her the desire both for the physical act of mating but also to bond with a strong and providing partner. In a perfect world, the perfect man could be both. Stories are told of such men. But they're hard to find, and often times they start out looking like both, before you finally scratch away at the surface and see the guy as posturing.

Now, some folks trigger my 'Hey I wanna F him' tingles, and some trigger my 'He's a good dude and I should keep him around. Life is better with him around.' feels. Now, people are generally good, so I get a bunch of dudes who fit my feels to befriend, but don't tingle nibbly bits. Those are rarer and just captivating. A few know it and make it clear they dont want to be friends, just physical attraction; we decide to F as needed and not get invested or loan money. Many try to play it cool but want to be both, which is what we want them to be. But before too long, you realize the shine has worn off and they don't instill humping urges, or they're were lying about being caring. Either way, it's a fail, and you look for the next one. The sad thing is, it's almost impossible to get 'F me' feeling over time with a friend first. It can happen, but it's time consuming, and sifting through the tingle inspiring ones is way more fun because sex feels better than steak dinners. I always know steak dinners are available, but a man I hunger for is much rarer, so I shouldn't let opportunities slip.

That's my opinion why, from their point of view.

ECoast_Man · 2015-05-31T21:34:31+00:00

Words and action are two different things. The former are usually lies.

Rockin-Robert · 2015-06-01T04:55:52+00:00

This is one of the key TRP points that about half the philosophy goes to explain. Why not just go read the sidebar? Or are you asking if we agree with their explanation?

AugmentedFury · 2015-06-02T04:47:19+00:00

I'm not talking about all women but the majority.

Women want nice guys but only at the point in their lives when their looks have declined. In their youth at the height of their looks they go through miles and miles of cock, completely ignoring the nice guy because the nice guy is boring. After the woman is a used up cum dumpster whose had more traffic between her legs than highway 403 she then settles for a nice guy because she wishes to be provided for.

TLDR; Women only want nice guys when they're used up cum dumpsters and the asshole males don't want them anymore.

_ArchitectofThought_ · 2015-05-30T22:27:00+00:00

Because they don't believe they deserve the nice, sweet gentleman.

Problematiqu · 2015-05-31T04:18:32+00:00

Confidence. Not really much more to it than that. An asshole is bold. When people think of "nice guys" they think reserved, maybe even timid. Hesitant. Confidence is sexy.

It's sexy in men and it's sexy in women. That wallflower that speaks barely above a whisper and smiles sheepishly at a guy isn't going attract him faster than the woman that engages him in conversation and excites him.

E'erbody loves confidence.

alcockell · 2015-05-31T00:32:09+00:00

Because nice guys are only nice because they tend to have major physical or mental flaws..

Take a nice guy, get him down to 8% body fat, and give him a six figure salary and see just how long he remains "nice"

[deleted] · 2015-05-31T07:09:43+00:00

Nice guys finish last

claim they only want a nice man, a sweet, kind and gentle guy that cares about them to go out with.

How does a "nice, sweet, kind and gentle guy" behave? You can do all of those things and get a ton of ladies. You can also do all of those things and be a complete pushover and pussy.

[deleted] · 2015-06-01T07:59:08+00:00

Because women want a nice sweet human to go out with, and boring supplicants who only do what they are told and live boring lives and have nothing to say register somewhere above furniture but below a television show on the 'is it a person' scale.

The sort of behavior that you would consider 'assholish' if done to a stranger would be exactly the sort of behavior that you would do to a person you respected if you were an actual human being with interests and personal goals.

Women want to fuck interesting humans with interests and personal goals who have respect for themselves and their dates (in that order).

itsalreadybeenthrown · 2015-06-01T03:24:11+00:00

I never met a girl who dated an asshole. It seems like a silly trope to me.

Title	Why would a woman say she want's a nice, sweet gentlemen to go out with, when she in fact ends up with an asshole?
Author	gavinok
Upvotes	6
Comments	145
Date	May 30, 2015 6:26 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/37vbp2/why_would_a_woman_say_she_wants_a_nice_sweet/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-would-a-woman-say-she-wants-a-nice-sweet.281873 https://theredarchive.com/post/281873

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