Entitlement v.s Expectations

Recently there has been a lot of discussion about people feeling entitled to something from other people, whether it be a relationship, sex, respect or something else. Most of us can agree people are not entitled to anything but I do believe people are justified in having reasonable expectations.

(I don't know if this saying is used in other cultures/countries but it is used in American culture.)

In America we often hear the phrase, "you rep what you sow."

Let's say you are a farmer and you buy apple seeds plant them, water them give them the proper nutrients you can reasonable expect, come harvest time, to have some apples. If apples don't grow or if you get a different fruit it is reasonable to be upset/disappointed. This same theory is often used to describe our relationships with people. If you are untrustworthy you will sow negative relationships with people. So why is this reasonable expectation mostly ignored by women and people from TBP in regards to male female relationships. Men are told they are being manipulative for having expectations. They are shamed for not being nice because they are only doing it to get something. I believe this is disingenuous because everyone does an action to get a specific response. You work because you need money, does that mean you are manipulating your boss? Does that mean you can't actually enjoy your job?

In our lives we are all taught that there are certain rules to the game. When people play by the rules the expect a certain outcome. When that outcome is not reached it is reasonable to expect people to be upset. So for guys trying to get girls let's look at a lot of the advice that people give. A lot of women on reddit say when a guy comes up to talk to them and the first thing they talk about is their looks/ attractiveness they are turned off, because they want a guy to get to know them first. So when a guy does go the route of getting to know a girl first, many girls tell the guy well we are good friends now so lets not mess that up. Men are taught to treat women with respect and to not push her boundaries but when a man follows that advice he is often seen as boring and unexciting.

The rules of the dating game as taught to most young man is be kind, respectable, friendly first, if you do this women will respond favourably to you. You are not guaranteed that every girl will like you, but it does increase your chances of finding a partner. Thus they have the reasonable expectation that by doing this they should be able to find a girl. However most guys who follow this advice, see that not only are they not getting the girl, girls are responding to the exact opposite of what they have been taught was the correct and proper way to find a mate. Then when they complain they are shamed and ridiculed for being entitled.

It is not entitlement to expect the world to behave in a way that you were taught it would behave in. For my last point I want to use a less emotionally charged example. Sorry to those from outside of the US if this doesn't make much sense.

Look at the expectation of college graduates in recent years. They were taught that if they went to college got a degree and bettered themselves, that when they graduate they would be able to find a job that would pay back that investment. Many graduates graduate with a large amount of school debt and the inability to find a job that can pay back their investment and allows them to start their life on the right track. They move back home and are angry and bitter because they followed the rules and got the short end of the stick. The older generation looks down on them and calls them spoiled brats who are entitled because they graduated and found a nice job so it isn't that difficult. Just go out there and find work!

Look at this young entitled generation. How dare they expect to reap benefits from schooling that we told them they would receive!!!

This is the same attitude that people have for males who are unsuccessful in dating.

How dare you feel entitled to a women after following the advice that we gave you. Treat women like people! They aren't a prize. How dare you expect something for your actions, How selfish of you to have expectations on another person.

TL:DR Everyone has expectations, to shame some one for having reasonable expectations is unfair.