This post will be a quick reminder for y'all new-comers or inexperienced folks. I once made a comment about my experience and it got a lot of feedback so I decided why not turn it into an actual post.
I won the lottery and was born with good facial structure, am 6'1 and was always smart and witty. But thing is, even despite all these factors, I was slouchy, tiny, eternally friendzoned, feminine looking, women respecting, white knighting, alpha hating idiot. I always wondered why the fuck even despite all the attention I was getting from woman, I never managed to get laid. See, back then I had no clue I was actually beta-orbiter of almost every girl I knew
Then I met her: tall, feminine girl. She was around 25 at the time (4 years older than me btw), was the big shit in the city and was just looking great. Long hair, tight black dress, sporty body and longest legs I've ever seen paired with some classy heels. I was fucking amazed. My beta brain went into overdrive and all I could think of whole next week was her. I found her on IG, but I thought I diDn'T dEsErVe HeR at the time. Yeah, I know.
I started lifting religiously, dressing better, and just spent every moment of my life bettering myself just to get a chance to drink water from her bathtub. As I got bigger and better looking, I started getting a lot of IOIs from girls, but I ignored the fuck out of them because I was simply so concentrated on her that I was literally blind about things around me. I distanced myself from my friends and family, from my hobbies and from anything that wasn't gym or job.
Around two years later, there I was. Shredded, stylish, and eager to meet her. I knew where she used to hang from her instagram profile and I was ready to tear shit up. Funny thing is that when I accidentally stumbled upon her on the street I was literally about to shit myself. My heartbeat went crazy, I got paralyzed and my whole self-confidence shattered into tiny little pieces. I still had balls to approach her and was amazed how she gave me her number considering how shitty the approach was.
Couple of days later, I was sitting in a restaurant with her. She was wearing another tight dress, some sexy heels and was just looking amazing. I felt like the fucking champion. I never felt something like this before. Two years of dedication, struggling and pain finally paid off, but here's the funniest thing. I had an epiphany: I was finally on a date with my dream unicorn girl. I even had the chance to have sex with her, after all those days of being a friendzoned incel. But all I could think of was that she wasn't anything special. At all. She was just like any other girl I've met. I didn't even know what made me feel the way I felt about her back in the day. I wasn't listening to her stories, because the voice in my head telling me that I was an idiot was so loud. The comedown I've felt was the most painful thing ever. I lost my friends, I abandoned my hobbies, spent less time with my family. And all this simply because of some girl who didn't even know about my existence. I was on a date with her, finally, but I had nothing in my life now, except for that shitty empty feeling in my stomach. And I felt stupidly empty and dumb, almost like I died inside because my whole fucking world flipped on it's head.
Now I'm kinda glad about that it happenned, for sure. Especially after I found red pill later and everything got clear. But the main point is take lessons from my mistakes, folks. Girls are cool, all that, but don't even think about trading anything important in life for them. It's a dumb move.
Thanks for sharing, basically a story of transitioning from fake alpha to real alpha. Glad you learned and recovered from this slip up, hope you can rekindle those lost relationships. On the bright side, you’re still ripped and stylish, enjoy the bounce back.
Once you've improved and have achieved some level of "success" you realize that sex/dating is only one part of your life. It's an important part, but only one (let's say 10%?). You still have 90% of shit to figure out and pursue.
So I think as I learn/grow I realize that quality of life consists of many things that include but are not limited to:
So it's something to consider holistically - what does a meaningful/fulfilling life look like for you? I think you'll ask that question once you slay your TRP demons.
It definitely varies person to person, but I’d say you’re on the right track with that list.
Personally, my journey is a bit different than most of you it seems. I never really had problem meeting women. I spent ages 20-30 slaying as many women as possible.
I am in a serious, monogamous committed relationship right now. It’s good. However, I don’t think I can ever get married; I’m too apprehensive.
I’m not focusing on earning and investing as much money as I can. I plan to retire in about 20 years.
Guys, women are great; but I can’t stress enough how correct the OP is. I can only imagine where I’d be in life now if I wouldn’t have put all the energy into getting my dick wet.
Sometimes hindsight likes to speak as though there was "a choice" and you picked the wrong one. Your brain deals with chemicals that have nothing to do with your ego or conscious thoughts, but those yummy chemicals sure will influence your decision making.
When you start "slaying" really does matter, there are a ton of dudes that don't lose their virginity before 18.
So, the advice is fantastic in hindsight, but you are also throwing advice to guys that barely know what pussy is and also telling recent cherry poppers that "pussy ain't all that". You can only come to that conclusion with experience.
Religion generally helps to fullfill that "community and sense of belonging" need
Found TRP 3.5 years into marriage.
Definitely traded a lot of things for her that were not worth it.
Not at all.
Now imagine you never found trp. You’ve found a goldmine that can help you change your life. We’re glad you’re here.
It has been an incredible ride thus far.
He'll probably still be "happy" not knowing what's on the other side. Heck, he won't even realize that there is another side, the red pill. That's how deep some people are in the blue pill.
3.5 Years? You are a lucky man. I found the red pill 15 years into my deadbed catholic marriage. I am divorced now. I started my life at 45 years old.
I once saw an interesting Biblical perspective online regarding divorce from a pastor.
The Bible permits divorce on the grounds of sexual immorality, and he argued that a wife who routinely denied her husband intimacy (or vice versa) fell under the category of sexual immorality, and was therefore an acceptable reason to God for divorce.
This was a legal reason for divorce into recent times, along with abandonment and impotence. Well, really it was a reason for the woman to divorce the man (refusing to fuck her). The man would just take what was his, as there was no such thing as marital rape.
This. This right here. I’m 31, raised in typical American Christian house hold. Been married for 9 years and found TRP 3 years ago. It’s taken time to come to grips but realizing I gave it all up for what? I’m divorcing her now. Time to focus on me.
This post and these comments give me such hope.
I'm curious: What would have had to go differently in your situation to have avoided divorce?
Don't fall into the oneitus trap and assume that not being divorced is better...
hope trp can give you a happier marriage than what you may have now.
It's already given me a waaaay happier me.
What kind of things did you trade?
Lots of friendships. I just stopped taking the time to see my bros.
Hobbies like playing my sax & guitar. I instead spent that time doing things with her as a couple.
Running and other fitness. Figured I didn't really need to keep working at it since I had gotten married.
There are upsides. I had to grow up in a lot of areas in my life, having taken on the responsibility of a wife. But it was foolish of me to put her on a pedestal and make these sacrifices to her vagina.
How to find a balance though? I'm too self absorbed in improving my own life and hobbies. I can't even see girls are giving me signals until my friend tells me
It sounds like you're trying to rationalize away your inability to tell when women are interested or receptive.
Lost a few friends to this. Its frustrating when they have to "get permission" to do anything because they cant be away from their wife besides going to work.
This is why I'm not interested in having a relationship because I know it will come down to "you dont spend enough time with me".
You're a Christian, hopefully you weren't just ghosting your friends. I can understand spending less time with them to do more important things.
Honest man. I doubt it was all your fault for lost friendships. I have had the same group of friends since I can remember. The ones I see are the ones that make time to get together and hang out. The ones I never see are the ones where the wife is clearly wearing the pants in the relationship.
Are you going to stay with her?
So what’s it like now? You still together?
Still together. I lost 25 lbs, getting in shape. Women everywhere give me IOIs. Two months into my transformation, all the girls at work suddenly think I'm the most hilarious dude they've ever met.
She gets to see the full me. See sees my six pack and all the bad habits I've had over the past years. We've had sex a couple of times, but not anything like the validational sex Rollo talks about.
I'm a Christian. I'm committed to Jesus, my marriage, and my principles. I'm hooked on this TRP journey. I'm committed to another three months of transformation before I come up for air to evaluate wtf is up with my wife.
If we're screwing like rabbits by then, awesome. If not, I'll be back in the gym on Monday ;-)
Hey man, thanks for sharing, I can relate, especially about principles as a Christian. Sounds like I need to hit that gym harder. I exercise 3-4 times per week, but no six pack or anything. I guess that makes all the difference.
Nothing against Christianity, but even your brief post is giving me heavy vibes that I've seen countless times among "conservative" crowds nowadays where faith is being used as a smokescreen to cover up bluepill behavior. Many (likely most) groups under the Christian umbrella are now led by bluepill religious leaders or dogma. Making the gym a top priority is never a bad decision, but take a truly honest look at your other behaviors or you might end up in a world of hurt.
Well, I know what you mean. I agree that many Christian communities nowadays really neglect masculinity and give men the totally wrong message that they need to sacrifice themselves to the desires of their wives. And I do have some bluepill habits that I am working on weeding out.
But what I meant by Christian principles, and maybe what you were hitting on exactly, was the fact that marriage is considered indissoluble, especially for me as a Catholic. Basically dread game is based on the threat of leaving, right? So if she sees that you are a devout Catholic, how can she have any dread? That's what I'm wondering. I guess technically a guy could leave his wife, and just not remarry, and still be an adherent to Catholic principles.. but I'm not sure if that is what is intended by those principles. I think they exist more to encourage people to look at their relationships in the long term, understanding that relationships have natural ebbs and flows, and not to give up too quickly.
That said, my parents have always had a very solid marriage. My wife's upbringing was a bit different. And she has already told me that she would leave me if I ever cheated on her. So there's that.
I've done some things that have made it clear that I am very capable of leaving. Wife has legitimate concerns that I will. Mostly from hubris and stupidity of going Rambo.
Dread isn't that you'll leave. At least, it's not that simple.
Dread is that other women will find you attractive and come make moves on you. (Competition Anxiety)
As my SMV has risen, my wife has started to work on hers.
She used to pride herself on never wearing makeup. Then one day: "I think I'll try eyeliner on the weekends." Similar approach in her wardrobe all of a sudden.
I didn't say anything. Something just clicked for her.
I tried some Active Dread. It made things worse. I'm committed to passive dread now, 100%, now slowly but surely it's working.
I've got some major house things to accomplish in the next few weeks which i'm sure will push the dial a bit more.
In the meantime. Frame, kino, consistent initiation, and mission, mission, mission.
Never, ever compare your marriage to something that far removed from today's lifestyle (that is a very blue pill logic, fyi). Your parents dealt with completely different options. The good book cannot negotiate attraction for you.
Find the balance with your faith and science. Mother nature doesn't care what anyone's bible says.
Being low bf along with atleast decent muscle mass is ideal.
Careful, don't think for a woman with a male point of view. Yes, both sexes like a decent body, but for massively different reasons.
She won't become your version of a good wife because you have fucking abs. She will change because your behavior changes. You will act more confident etc..etc...
I haven't had "abs" in 20 years. But once I fixed my Mental Frame, everything changed. No woman wants to see a physically fit male act like a passive weeny.
What’s the point of sticking to your Christian principles? The Bible says that a wife must obey her husband. This used to be enforced. Now she doesn’t have to obey you. It’s also her duty to have sex with you. Once again this used to have some teeth - and now it has none.
You are inflicting a one sided deal upon yourself. It’s insanity.
I'm guessing the sex din't happen because you nutted in your pants at the dinner table when she grabbed your arm? Ha, jk.
Don't beat yourself up...you did a nice job of improving on yourself. Now get back to repairing those friends and family relationships.
Thing is if you admire a woman from afar, she tend to idealize her. She look "perfect" to you after awhile. Heck I bet her shit doesn't even stink! Thing is when you finally get to close the deal, your always 10000% disappointed (especially the older you get). The thing is pussy is pussy, even if a chick has had multiple kids. Heck I'd like to have shoes made of pussy, they would never wear out. So she's really nothing special. Its her personality that makes her different and most women fall down in that respect.
That is a mental image and a half right there.
Takes “foot fetish” to a whole new level.
Imagine feeling like you made a mistake because you focused on your own self-improvement and betterment for 2 years.
Where is the mistake? I think just getting a hot girl, even once in your life, immediately lowers the "star struck" factor of every hot girl after that. Your standards are raised. But realize that you focusing on yourself makes you more attractive to these girls, regardless of your motivation of the why behind it.
So what if your focus on getting better was to bang a hot girl? That's literally the primary motivation of men at their roots: to increase their SMV.
Now if you're saying you should have focused on the "things that matter" which I'm assuming looks like having drinks with your friends, sitting around with the same people, and hobbies that aren't improving you then I think you missed the point of your own success story.
You don't understand. The focus should never be the girl. The focus should be you. OP chased pussy. Never chase pussy.
We're not talking about his interactions with other women, we're talking about a specific scenario in which he realized a harsh truth; she isn't special. It's one of the fundamental ideas newcomers need to get into their heads, and one of the things that stop them from getting in near fairy tale situations like OP's; living your life for one chick.
I get what you're saying about his self-improvement and betterment not being a mistake, but that's thinking of it in a pretty black and white fashion, when it is anything but.
Yes, he's now way better off than he was before, and obviously his new body and demeanor CAN and WILL work for him - as shown by him getting a date with the girl in question - but at what cost? Ignoring other women for this single one? Literally living 2 years of his life for her (again, despite it being to improve himself).
The problem was that she was the center of his world for those 2 years; everything he did was to get to this ONE girl, and that's the problem he's addressing. The fact that OP acknowledges this in his last statement means that he himself knows that he fucked up in that regard, no need to try and make it seem like it was a complete success, there were tradeoffs along the way. He still DEFINITELY learned a harsh lesson here, no matter what. The only thing was that it took him 2 years instead of the days or months it takes most to digest and internalize the lesson.
You're assuming way too much by thinking the things he missed out on were insignificant. He acknowledges his success already, why imply/assume that the things he could have still done were generally useless to him? Who's saying that he'd sit around with the same people, or that his hobbies weren't improving him?
Fact of the matter is that one can still improve themselves for the sake of making it easier to pull chicks, without losing all these things. He missed out on social situations, family gatherings/moments, time spend developing a craft/improving whatever skills he was working on - that's money, time, and connections down the drain. All for one date. One date where even his subconscious was telling him it all wasn't worth it.
Yeah, he's in a better spot than before, but this isn't just about getting chicks, it's about realizing that there were other things way more important. It's about the purpose, and it should never be for some random chick.
(Note it's a little fantastical for me anyway, for someone to be so engrossed that his social life was reduced to shambles. I'm choosing to believe this one only because it still highlights a lesson, but damn, if this is true, OP literally wasted 2 years of his life by tunnel visioning some random bitch.)
"That's literally the primary motivation of men at their roots: to increase their SMV."
No, it's a byproduct.
Chase excellence...do it because you are internally motivated to do it...The money, the fame, the fortune, the women are all byproducts of success.
I think this is a chicken before the egg argument. What drives you to chase excellence on an evolutionary psychological level? The raising of your SMV.
agreed. If you could significantly raise your SMV by smoking weed all day and playing video games and eating fast food. Most people would do that instead of chasing excellence.
Sex indirectly motivates most people to be great. Not all, but most.
“Everything in human life is really about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.”
Then your primary goal is still women. "I am doing all of this to get laid..." What happens if you don't get laid? Do you go back to being a loser? Wouldn't that be a purple pill viewpoint?
"Everything is about sex.
Except sex. That's about power." - our father.
SMV isn't be all end all.
Remember, abundance mentality.
Not to have a oneitis for Susan who gives godly sex but has bpd.
And not to have oneitis for SMV. In case you suffer a terrible train accident and lose your penis. /Patrice/
Abundance mentality in life. To know you are going to be in peace wherever it takes you.
It's never about what you have. Not about what you have achieved. Not about what other people think about you.
It's about how you feel about it. And how true that feeling is.
Fuck SMV. I matter. To me.
The fame isn't really a byproduct. You gotta get out there and blast the message mate
He validated himself based on the quality of the girl he was on a date with.
There's a lot wrong with that. I bet if he continued that frame of mind he would have his world shattered by going back to his old ways or even putting pussy on a pedestal. (Which he did)
What I like is that he did the work, then realized there isn't anything special about said girl just her uncommon looks (AND THERE ARE MILLIONS MORE)
This is why a lot of stuff here is taught for the self, not the girl.
This kinda reminds me of the example in NMMNG about the dude and his daughter and validating himself by how "cute" she looked to other people.
This opens a world of possibilities because of what you're willing to do for yourself through improving.
Kinda weird how you missed that.
He was operating in her frame for 2 years. That's not neccessarily the most productive thing you can spend your time money and attention on.
It might not all be completely wasted.
But "It wasn't worth it /this time/." - OP
I'm not saying you are wrong. But you aren't right.
When I was younger and having problems with girls I would ask the advice of the older guys I work with and they would all say that all women are the same none are special.
What kind of environment or industry were you working in?
Wait til your HS reunions when the cheerleaders are roadworn and complaining that all the guys look the same
I guess the upside is your misguided obsession led to a ton of self improvement. So in the end, maybe it was for the best.
How is anyone buying this lmao nigga said “I lost my family to go to the gym” like this is some Dark Knight hero’s journey. Fuck off my screen 😂😂
The thoughtful intellectuals of Reddit strike again.
You’re a thoughtful ass retard if you buy this shit tho 😂😂
I'm not sure what stage it would be considered, but I'm in the exact same spot. I took the pill, improved to the point where my pre-rp self couldn't have imagined. I tripled my somewhat decent n-count in a short period, landed a "unicorn", had a solid 2 year relationship and came down with depression after the break up.
The painful thing was the shattering of the image I had of her and of myself during the relationship. I gave up everything great about my life because "I finally had her", and became a shell of myself. I thought she and I were unique, but after reading stories online so similar to mine, and talking to other grown men, the last thing I or she is - is unique. Super predictable. I read the warnings, my good friends sat me down and told me how much of a fag I was being, but my ego was off the charts. Now I'm back to square one I guess, the only place to go is up. What a valuable lesson.
And yes, none of us (men) or them (women) are truly unique. The same things I used on my ex work on new girls, but it's so much less fulfilling. The veil is lifted and now I feel like I can build myself up even higher, and live every second in my own frame, and make a real difference, and be happy doing it.
Best of luck.
The title alone pissed me off, much less the hard Oneitis you obviously had. But most of us have been there and you did way better than most.
Learn from it and move on. Good job.
Dude, don't feel bad.
Look at it THIS way.
You saw an attractive woman, and then, you let an idealized image MOTIVATE you into SELF-IMPROVEMENT. You worked your ass off, got shredded, focused on yourself, then you went and found her, approached her, got her number, and went on a date with her.
You know what so many other guys would have done? Not a fucking thing.
You did EXACTLY the right thing. Only, you did it for the less than right reasons. Keep in mind, she's "nothing special," BUT, she's a woman. She doesn't have to be "special." She just has to be healthy, attractive, fertile, and not insane. You were following your biological purpose to reproduce, whether you realize it or not. The notion that she can "complete" you is bogus. That's the sinking feeling you felt. She wasn't "completing" you like you had imagined.
Basically, the bourgeois lie that is sold, is that a person can find "God" or the divine or transcendence in another person. The reality is, you are more likely to find it in yourself, or as part of some mission, and if you try to put it on another person, just one other person, instead of say, an organization of like-minded people committed toward achieving a worthy goal, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
Also, you actually learned something important, something most other guys NEVER learn. That there is more to life than women. This is a very hard thing for younger men to internalize because their bodies are constantly brainwashing them into being horny.
Such a cliffhanger what happened after?
Yea, um calling bullshit. The two year montage of gym and work just to set this up.
Nah, not buying it.
I believe him. Oneitis can really be that bad.
For sure. I've seen guys obsess over the same girl for years. And the girl will never give them the time of day. Always friend zoned.
I tried telling them about trp. They weren't interested in changing their life.
Never directly TRP bomb them. Always drop hints of truth in a politically correct way. If they respond positively, you can slowly give them red pill terms.
This post is complete BS... it’s a made up story
C’mon man, get a life
That was my reaction too. Several things in it don't ring true.
It doesn't even sound legit, but it's core red pill so people aren't even thinking twice about what he said.
Something you gotta realize is the power of The Wall. Look up the subreddit, most of these chicks age like milk not wine. The plan is still paper over pussy
People love to overthink and create fantasies/interpretations seemingly based on nothing and then try to apply them to actual reality. I too once had a crush in high school that took me a few weeks to gather the nerve to speak to her. My fantasy of what she was came crashing down once I actually talked to her for a bit and realized she was a bit of a cunt in how she interacted with everyone. What was once fantasy turned into bullet dodged.
Your dick told you she was a great unicorn to preserve your genes, and we should pay attention to what our dick says. Just not at the cost of going through all that shit.
Newbies who have those "am I good enough?" moments, remember the mantra: for every unicorn you think you see, there's a guy somewhere on the planet that's tired of fucking her.
I needed this, thanks for sharing
Oh the assumptions we / one make when first starting out.
No, she was not your unicorn,
if she was, you would have been entranced.
Just adding, there will be some one, some time,
if you are lucky, and don't do Blue Pill things.
There will be one that is so good, so damn good,
you may not be able to tell any one,
cause you can't /won't believe it your self.
Mean while, keep looking Bub.
Thanks for sharing bro.
I hear a lot of stories online about guys who obsess over 1 girl who they never get for YEARS at a time. In my life I've never had to endure that - I've always been able to try my luck with a girl and then move on very easily if I get rejected. I've even become friends with some who rejected me and felt nothing for them afterwards and just been cool with being a friendzoned (of course nobody ever believes me when I say that but hey, who cares what others think about my motives).
I can only imagine the hell that it is suffering from oneitis. I count myself so lucky I've never had to go through it, it sounds awful.
Always remind yourself when you lust painfully over 'some girl':
It's not "sick of fucking her", it's "of putting up with her shit" ffs
Congrats on your reawakening, you paid the price and now you know there are other priorities in life than same stacey doughnut
A lot of celebrities are like this. “Regular” people are always pissed off like “what the fuck, he’s just like that asshole Dave at work!” Our minds are so strange
So, you didn't fuck the hot girl because your tummy felt icky??
This is some Unicorn bullshit. Since when is "special" a requirement to Fuck???
You haven't "learned" anything but some regret for ignoring friends. You make some good sounding cheerleader statements, but let us dig deeper into the rabbit hole of you whining about both sides of the coin.
How did you seal the date? By calling or texting?
What do you think if you got rejected? How would you feel then?
Better yourself for yourself, not for some thot who couldn’t care less about you.
This is a beautiful story.
I'm glad you learned from it.
Cool story bro, but did you bang her?
the road to heaven is paved with lame intentions.
Never put women on a pedestal. Just because they're pretty doesn't mean they're fun to be around.
So you didn’t even fuck her..?
Your post also illustrates why one-itis is so dumb.
I had the experience in high school of being hooked on a particular girl, but eventually realized how replaceable she actually was.
Placing girls on a pedestal decreases your options, decreases your resiliency, and causes you to put up with too much shit during a relationship.
You might feel bad, but feel good, because you improved yourself greatly and now have a better perspective on life and on women in general.
And she is in the wrong how?
Tbh that’s a little sad. You need to fall in love, then get your heart broken and then be redpilled. There’s a Bonanza of quality social theories om this sub, dont let it take your childhood too early
Exactly. That's why I made the pledge to go to the university I want, not stay in my hometown for a LTR that consumes time, money and keeps me from gaining value
You came you saw you conquered. Now you’re bitching about it? Stfu and get back in the treadmill. You bitching about your success is a beta Whitney bitch behavior. This whole post was unnecessary. I would have just gave a silent “hmm” to myself, then move on to the next thing!
You missed the point. He didn't just improve himself and end up conquering, he sacrificed his hobbies and real relationships with family and friends to chase a unicorn. That ain't healthy, and it's a good lesson for others
You want something, you have a price to pay. Most people want something and don't want to make any sacrifices. Most blue-pill of mentalities. I think he pulled off a tremendous feat, doing whatever the fuck it takes to get to where you want.
Somebody get this guy a Dr. He has a bad case of ONEITIS.
Someone get this guy some glasses, he has a bad case of not being able to fucking read.
At least read a post before making yourself look like an idiot.
Won the lottery huh? How’s your Vtaper & Abdominal muscle insertions?
Are you snorting that NO Xplode again bro? I told you, you need to mix it with water and drink it before your workout, you don't snort it before commenting on reddit.
Nah man I just snort DMAA cut with SARMs and do the cinnamon challenge with creatine.
family and friends are overrated just focus and your job and body and travel you a just a soul born into this world and your parents happen to be your parents.
Yep. Take it from Mr Burns on the Simpsons...
Mr. Burns\: I'll keep it short and sweet. Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to a maternity hospital or sitting in some phony-baloney church. Or synagogue.**