Cancelled flight, left her stranded. Am I in the wrong?

redbluepilling · 2014-10-19T22:13:52+00:00

I'm upvoting this as an example of bad behaviour. I suggest others do the same. It shows how you can be so jaded, trying to use TRP to explain your actions and way of thinking instead of trying to change those for the better.

This is a train wreck. It can't be serious. There's zero redpill behaviour in here.

Step 1. I'm scared to go alone to some place I really want to go to :(

Step 2. Let's go with a girl and pay for her so she'll have sex with me.

Step 3. I'm pursuing her, why isn't she having sex with me!?

Step 4. Let's meet all her friends in this city (wtf?) while I do my best to not be alone--stay in her group and get drunk!

Step 5. I'm pursuing her, why isn't she having sex with me!?

Step 6. Temper-tantrum time. Frustrations hit the limit and burst. Apparently any time you're able to 'stand up to' a girl it's RP...never mind the fact that it took these silent emotions all this time to come boiling to the surface...

Step 7. I didn't consider the possibility that she might not have sex with me and I didn't handle it like a man to move on and enjoy my time in the city / meet many other eligible women. Instead I chose to be bitter, emotional, and reactive, without stopping to consider how I may have made mistakes.

Step 8. Stemming from step 7, I was a vindictive asshole, upset that I didn't get my peepee touched. I'm super alpha.

AlphaAsFAQ · 2014-10-19T22:30:24+00:00

deleted

vandaalen · 2014-10-20T11:51:52+00:00

Typical Nice Guy behaviour. Doing a favour and expecting to get into a girl's panties for it. Then being disappointed and getting mad about that it doesn't work.

Read and learn about yourself:

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

[deleted] · 2014-10-20T07:13:27+00:00

A RP man shrugs shit off and pursues his interests. You acted vindictive and childish and cost her a lot of money unnecessarily, to "punish" her for not fucking you. This seems like pathetic, childish to me. I could not imagine a strong, self-sufficient man doing this.

You should have just enjoyed the rest of your time and moved on.

Goldfulgore · 2014-10-19T23:49:40+00:00

The red pill was never intended to punish women for their behavior but to set boundaries on your own. I am glad that you rebooked the flight tickets

copralalic · 2014-10-20T00:07:12+00:00

I understand the impulse, and empathize, but you were in the wrong and you have since realized it.

pupplenupple · 2014-10-20T11:36:04+00:00

Covert contracts to purchase sex are the work of a man who hasn't got the stones to hire a whore and call the transaction what it is.

[deleted] · 2014-10-19T22:28:51+00:00

Yes, you are in the wrong here. You did not, at any point, indicate your intentions with her were any more than platonic. In her mind, she was expecting to meet you and her established friends, all while getting a free plane ride- a sweet gig. Instead of being alpha, you were being straight manipulative and entitled.

I_Am_Soulhuntre · 2014-10-20T08:49:20+00:00

Yes, you were wrong.

Granted, we don't have all the info - but given that it is human nature to spin a story to their own advantage I have no reason to believe you acted better than you told us. Frankly this was fairly doomed from the start - out of now here, after being frozen out you just lay out the cash for the flights after essentially a single phone call? Not a great move. Others have told you why.

The real core of the issue is this idea (paraphrasing) "But, but if she doesn't put out I throw her out, right guys?" being completely divorced from it's underlying concepts and contexts. This is why TRP and alpha mode are more than just checklists, more than just blindly parroting advice and thinking it is invariant.

There were a lot of options here, options to maintain your frame and a position of strength without being a vindictive asshole acting like a spoiled child. There is a radical difference between a strong alpha setting your conditions and expectations and a bitter, revengeful beta with blue balls having a tantrum. This was the latter.

The most telling part of your problem can be found here - "I roll back onto my side of the bed feeling extremely frustrated, enough so that I wouldn't fall asleep for the next hour." Why? Why are you so invested in fucking this girl that you let her refusal dig into your brain like that? Do you not see how the desperation rolls off you at times like this? It's just so needy.

You might be a great guy with your act together... but in that moment? No one would have known. So after having a quiet tantrum for an hour you toss her out in what I am sure was a totally in control, mature and self assured frame of mind right? I am sure you weren't acting like a man in the grips of a fit of petulance... right?

Mind you - I am not saying you need to give girls a free ride in your life and not give a shit if your getting what you want, I am saying that situations dictate responses. You should strive to act from the frame of a reasonable man who has a lot of options, resources and decent self control.

What should you have done?

Have fun
Be outcome independent
Reward good behavior
Remove access / intimacy for bad behavior

Personally? I would have gone the fuck to sleep. The next day I would simply have gone on with my day and had a great time - with her preferably, without her in any case. Let her spend the day with a relaxed guy enjoying himself who is not emotionally desperate to get his dick wet. When the night came I would have brought out the bedding needed for her to sleep on the couch and let her know the "guest room" was ready for her. Not with anger, but amused and good natured acceptance of her desires to not be intimate.

That's it. No anger, no desperation. My boundaries - her choice. She can decide if she wants to make me an offer good enough to bring her into my bed - and I assure you, my acceptance would not be guaranteed.

Throwing her out in a strange town, at 5am then cancelling her flights and not even having the balls to tell her that? Desperate. Needy. Beta as hell.

Ken

JP_Whoregan · 2014-10-20T13:44:45+00:00

You paid for her flight, you paid for the rental car, and you paid for lodging, in a strange city full of HER friends. And you expected her to not only respect you but also find you attractive? You were her chauffeur, not her fuck buddy. Cancelling her return flight was an act of spite committed by a sexually frustrated man. You have a LOT to learn.

[deleted] · 2014-10-20T02:06:30+00:00

Well you were acting like a child but neither were you obligated in any real sense to pay for her ticket, it was yours to rescind but also very childish of you to rescind it at all. You weren't in an established relationship, you didn't have any justifiable recourse to her not sucking your dick.

Now if she was your fiancee and fucked around behind your back while on a trip then yeah, you could rescind airfare as a way of dissolving a toxic relationship. But there was no real prior relationship between the two of you, you spent a chunk of change for a chance at pussy, you made yourself a beta bucks and responded childishly.

Deaddpooll · 2014-10-20T06:13:15+00:00

What a fucking asshole!

The girl was smart not to put out for a whiny bitch like you.

I_like_big_titays · 2014-10-20T14:09:54+00:00

There are some other questions that are factors. How long had it been since you last saw her in person? Did you get fatter? How flirty was the conversation leading up to the trip?

Long story short the game was played poorly, but the only reason you lost was because you chose to. Outcome independence would have prevented this and been a non issue. I would not have canceled the flight, but probably would have told her to find alternate lodging.

TheThunderBringer · 2014-10-23T23:47:52+00:00

Holy shit, you're the most self-centered, greedy, backstabbing, presumptuous asshole I've had the misfortune to read about in months if not years.

awesomesalsa · 2014-10-20T09:26:10+00:00

Did you even get a refund or was it 100% out of spite? Also you should have had the decency to tell her

cascadecombo · 2014-10-20T01:28:56+00:00

You are an asshole

duckducklandwhale · 2014-10-20T01:59:33+00:00

Lol...lemme just say you fucked up for paying for some bitch's flight ticket. What's worse is it seems to be some rando bitch you dont even have a connection with. I dont spend more than 40 bucks on a chick, and that's for certain situations. You actually remind me of one of my beta friends (he's a virgin though) who's going to fly to get some post-wall, got a kid, trying to cash BB, pussy. He tries to act like that's not the deal, but it's the deal. It'll be a waste of money. Whatever, though at least he's not that much a sap that he's buying her ticket. As for the canceling the ticket thing....yeesh based on the story you came off more needy and beta that canceling the ticket after getting shotdown is all sorts of beta and band. It likely wont be looked at as standing your ground/having control of your balls ever. It'll always be looked at negatively. No salvation. With that, if you really dont care about this chick and your reputation, then who cares you did the right thing and got your money back. It's obvious that you do though...

_edge_case · 2014-10-20T07:30:47+00:00

Wow, you are a major asshole.

nickcorvus · 2014-10-21T00:20:39+00:00

World class scumbaggery. You should feel ashamed for behaving in such a whiny, entitled manner.

FrameWalker · 2015-03-21T19:21:31+00:00

LeTemps,

Stick around and learn to be a better man. Many of us recovering nice guys have had our own irrational nice guy dickwad moments. Learn to be free like a Pook (read book of pook)

mechakingghidorah · 2014-10-21T10:03:32+00:00

OP,I'll tell you what my great uncle told me:"All men pay in one form or another"

Next time just skip the middle man and see a prostitute.

23490865243879526487 · 2014-10-21T11:53:37+00:00

Guys I think it's a re-post from some other sub from about a year ago.

PayneGreyWolf · 2014-12-31T18:16:18+00:00

You are a reprehensible human being. This post belongs on /r/neckbeardthings. You epitomize the "Nice Guy" persona that is incessantly ridiculed on this website.

[deleted] · 2014-10-20T01:42:36+00:00

Edit: Hello non-RP subscribers! Please remember that voting and/or commenting on this thread is against the rules.

Have a good day!

:0)

Why in the world would you ever pay for flights etc to hook up with a woman? If someone wants to visit and meet up with you - make them pay their own way. You invested a lot of money into a woman when you didn't have an established routine/understanding (ie she wasn't your plate or a FWB). Edit I see you mentioned that you have had intimate relations with this woman previously, this time around she clearly felt she could game you (and she did, since you re-purchased her ticket). Focus on local women, and don't bother with this chick anymore. She used you, and you played right into her hand every step of the way. Throwing her out and cancelling her ticket were the only correct decisions you made. Now, she feel vindicated since you coughed up the money again, and you look even more indecisive (and you're still the 'villain' regardless). When you pick a course of action - stick to it. That means considering your options and making sure you make the correct calls to begin with.

Don't waste money on women that haven't earned that kind of investment.

She was expecting a free trip, and she (mostly) got one.

Tell her that you cancelled her ticket, she'll find out soon enough when she tries to check in, but you should give her a head's up.

In the future, don't drop that kind of cash on a woman until she has earned it.

Enjoy_The_Decline · 2014-10-19T21:25:19+00:00

Why are you paying for a girls flights, wtf man

Youre not in the wrong, next her

Agent4777 · 2014-10-20T16:20:20+00:00

Dude. You are a first class cunt.

Kind_of_crap · 2014-10-20T21:12:13+00:00

You want to get pissy about her not being into you, then whatever, but canceling the flight is a real dick move. Like borderline psychopath shit. You need to grow the fuck up.

AlienSunrise · 2014-10-20T21:25:52+00:00

So you went and hung out for the girls night out and she treated you like one of the girls? What a surprise. She was sleeping and you woke her up and kicked her out and canceled her flight because she would fuck you? So you just sat there like a pissed off little kid and woke her up when your tantrum hit its peak. These posts are why TRP gets its bad rep. Yes youre in the wrong.

RedPillFusion · 2014-10-20T04:31:22+00:00

Your are in critical condition OP, whether you're aware at a conscious level or not.

Go monk mode (as /u/alphaasfaq suggested).

Take some of the literature in the sidebar with you.

Find yourself. Your real self. Your inner alpha that bends the world over and fucks it in the ass. Not the bitter beta bitching about being entitled to the reach-around the world withheld from you.

Your rest of your life will be miserable otherwise. And there's no way you're going to convince me that you are leading a fulfilling life after this story.

real-boethius · 2014-10-20T03:38:01+00:00

You are both in the wrong.

She used you to pay for her weekend with her friends with hints and implications of sex. Or at least knew that was why you were paying for all that stuff. I have no sympathy for her - she is a selfish user.

You screwed up in every possible way as others have pointed out. Never spend any significant amount of money before the sex and probably not even then.

You should have made your expectations clear from the start. And the first night you should have kicked her out after the "too tired" BS.

bluePillBall · 2014-10-20T03:50:56+00:00

A lot of OP bashing in this thread. I personally think he behaved well within norms, apart from one subtle (and one big) mistake. /u/redbluepilling as well as /u/AlphaAsFAQ are both way off base here. I had a very similar situation happen to me in Vegas about 6 months ago (except that me and the girl in question did not have sex previously, as is OP's case). So let me break it down, since I have some first-hand experience:

Background: I had invited this girl that I had been seeing (technically a friend I would have physical interactions with) to a midwest destination. We both live in opposite coastal cities and I wanted to visit this midwest city but not by myself.

Perfectly normal to not want to go somewhere strange without a familiar place. This doesn't mean OP is scared as /u/redbluepilling claims, it simply means he's a normal non-autistic social human being.

On the 1st night, she refuses my advances, saying she was too tired and hot. That's fine. I felt I would be able to succeed on the 2nd night.

This might be OP's first mistake. Since he didn't succeed on night #1, it was clearly a bust. At this point, he had two choices:

Have a good time, regardless of any sexual forays.
Keep trying to get with her.

The best choice here would be (1). Incidentally, this is what I picked when I ran in my own situation. OP decided to go with (2). Now this isn't necessarily a mistake. Why? OP previously had sex with this woman. Spending a few nights in a city in the same hotel room alone with a woman definitely has sexual connotations. She knew exactly what she was implying, but she decided to be a bitch and OP decided to be a bit naive.

2nd night rolls around, we both go out to meet up with her friends and she completely ignores me the entire night. I start drinking heavily (along with herself) and try to distract myself by talking to another girl in the group. After a long night, we finally get back to my place and again I try to initiate physical contact. She pushes me away this time, saying that she was too tired, too upset (she had been arguing with a friend from back home) and too hot. I roll back onto my side of the bed feeling extremely frustrated, enough so that I wouldn't fall asleep for the next hour.

This is where shit gets real. She's no longer not only not responding to OP's advances, but she's also being a cunt. This is a tell-tale sign of a shitty human being. I just want to mention that this also happened to me! And at this point, all sexual attraction should go out the window. You need to distance yourself from this person as they will only bring you down.

Another mistake was trying (again) to get with her after a night of being ignored. Now, at this point, OP also makes the big mistake. He gets angry at not getting laid. What he should have gotten angry at is the fact that this other person he's being very nice to is not reciprocating the bare-minimum as required by any social norms.

Again, this should NOT be about sex. This is about her being a total fucking cunt and ignoring you even though you were overly nice to her. At this point, I would (and I did) confront her on a very socially normative level. OP may want to say things like "you're being a shitty friend" or "this isn't a proper way to act" etc. Conceptually, this should be the same conversation you're having with a male friend if he's being an dickish asshole.

Question: Was I in the wrong for canceling her flight and leaving her to get back on her own?

OP is 100% justified in leaving her stranded and he is 100% justified in being upset. This is a question about self-respect and there is absolutely nothing wrong with breaking all ties immediately with a shitty human being. Some bridges need to be burned.

Here are some suggestions for next time. I learned these the hard way:

Make sure intentions are (crystal) clear before a trip.
If you're comfortable financially, paying is perfectly fine.
Make sure you know her fairly well.
Be outcome independent. You're there to have fun not to have sex, even though sex would be nice.
It's her right to decline! If she's respectfully declining your advances (not this immature ignoring passive-aggressive bullshit), respect her choice.

ButtholeInterest · 2014-10-21T01:47:41+00:00

Your first mistake was expecting sex by paying for her flight and all that jazz. Second mistake is paying for her flight and all that jazz. Your third mistake was your frustration and the result of it. Forget about her and move on, take this as a lesson. Don't listen to the people here judging you. Just acknowledge your mistakes and move on to the next one. Personally I probably would also cancel her flight out of spite, because fuck her thats why and save yourself financially.

666Evo · 2014-10-20T01:59:59+00:00

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong. This is the first piece of "advice" I've dealt since finding TRP. If it's inadvisable, I need to know.

Would a good way to handle this have been something along the lines of informing her that you're going out for the night and for her to expect you to be bringing home some "company"? She can either leave, or hang around and listen to you fuck your "company".
Cue "he's got options/mustn't be as beta as I thought" hamstering and you're (closer to being) in, whilst actually being in another chick?

Title	Cancelled flight, left her stranded. Am I in the wrong?
Author	LeTemps1212
Upvotes	77
Comments	98
Date	19 October 2014 09:18 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	askTRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/31
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2jq3bj/cancelled_flight_left_her_stranded_am_i_in_the/