How to know you're just the "settle down" guy

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January 17, 2020
124 upvotes

I'm dating this woman who is 28 and has been with 10 guys for sure since there was a scare with an STD where she felt the needed to disclose that information. I know she got around and I don't hold that against her because it was the same for me. Problem is that she seemingly suddenly doesn't want to do anything fun or adventurous. No going out for New Years, hitting the city, or catching a drink. It's always domesticated stuff like making menus for her to cook during the week while a few months before dating me she was banging in gender neutral bathrooms. We have sex regularly but being with 10 dudes means you should know a thing or two in bed. I always initiate and she just complies and it's missionary all the way. If I ask to switch up positions she says she doesn't really know how. I'm afraid I'm just the punk she's decided to settle down with after her glory days. What do you guys say?


Post Information
Title How to know you're just the "settle down" guy
Author ThePandaPunisher
Upvotes 124
Comments 114
Date 17 January 2020 04:31 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/311098
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/epvfc7/how_to_know_youre_just_the_settle_down_guy/
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Comments

[–]mrpoopistan89 points90 points  (1 child) | Copy

What does any of this have to do with her?

Seriously, it sounds like you're not thrilled about this shit. Be honest and move on.

[–]FromTheCaveIntoLight9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

This

[–][deleted] 270 points271 points  (9 children) | Copy

Double-checked, her n-count is 65.

She's hitting the wall, sees you as the beta bucks, and performs duty sex to lock you down.

[–]DatRiggz59 points60 points  (0 children) | Copy

I second this. My last ltr was duty sex all the way and pretty much at or after the wall, glad I made my escape.

[–]madfrombrad48 points49 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol if she doesn’t fuck a few times a week and it bothers you, dump the bitch

If it doesn’t then she did her job

[–]HankMoodyMFer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop saying "hitting the wall", these young women and men alike build their walls. They make their own beds. People need to Stop absolving themselves and others of personal responsibility. if you are not as attractive and fit as you have ever been at young age of 30 then thats your own god damn fault, thats your own doing. People choose to let themselves go and make the choices that they do.

[–]kenpachitz0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Double-checked, her n-count is 65

How did you find this out?

EDIT: When did TRP get this sensitive? Fuck off, I'm trying to learn how to vet for something most women will almost always lie about.

[–]GlowInTheDarkDonkey36 points37 points  (2 children) | Copy

He was #64, then she had to make her way through a parking lot.

[–]dreadstrong974 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

37 dicks?!

[–]GlowInTheDarkDonkey3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

In a row?

[–]4thAndLong16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women will never tell you the truth. Whatever number she tells you, double it and then you might be halfway there.

[–]TravisScottNL51 points52 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re her beta boy lmao. Next her and don’t LTR whores.

[–]Haytch123430 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy

If she puts off sex constantly then you are the settle down guy.

Most of the time, women categorise you based off qualities you display.

[–]Enlightened_Chimp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ya, she also just sounds boring as shit. What's the point of even dating someone if they're that boring and are just going to make your life worse. Might as well lone ranger around the world until someone better come along (if at all), at least that's an exciting life.

[–]1heidbdbalwoebdba94 points95 points  (14 children) | Copy

If you're having shitty sex more than likely it's you.

Read the sex god method.

Your alpha fucks when she let's you do what ever the fuck you want to do her and loves it.

Your beta bucks when she barely touches your little guy and all you get is starfish missionary.

[–]SexdictatorLucifer17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can tell it all in the way she fucks you. But to be able to tell you first have to learn the reality of how women are capable of fucking. Fuck a bunch and a few will show you

[–]CHANCHAN189 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

You know any more books like sex God method?

[–]learning00077 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read the sidebar

[–]Onein1024th3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're having shitty sex more than likely it's you.

and the fact that she sees OP as the safe boring settle down guy

OP needs to both work on himself and dump this woman who clearly isn't invested in him beyond snuggling on the couch and watching crappy TV.

[–][deleted]  (9 children) | Copy

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[–]1heidbdbalwoebdba29 points30 points  (8 children) | Copy

A female who just lays there as you're fucking her.

[–][deleted]  (7 children) | Copy

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[–]1heidbdbalwoebdba29 points30 points  (5 children) | Copy

Its duty sex.

No effort. No attraction.

Giving you just enough to keep you.

[–]second-last-mohican15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some girls that's all they know.. their previous fucks just pumped and dumped her..

[–]Dboy22330 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Sometimes chicks wana just lay there and get railed man? What do u expect them to do in missionary tf?

[–]1heidbdbalwoebdba2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

There is a huge difference between a chick just laying there letting you go to pound town than a chick just laying there waiting for you to finish.

One is into it and one is not.

[–]Dboy22330 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Never experienced the latter I guess. When a chick lays there letting you go to pound town she lets you rail the shit out of her?

[–]1heidbdbalwoebdba1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Imagine fucking a girl you're not attracted to and the only reason you are is because it's your job.

Sounds awful.

You'd have to experience duty sex vs undeniable raw passionate sex to understand the difference I guess.

[–]empatheticapathetic1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you had any other girls/experiences since?

[–][deleted]  (8 children) | Copy

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[–]theherosmyth6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sounds like that was him making a conservative estimate based on the fact she had an STD scare. But yeah 10 is way too low.

[–]Garathon9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's hilarious if OP seriously believed the 10. 100 is more likely.

[–]mrheh6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have a trick I pull with women with this topic comes up and they ask me, I tell them between 60 and 350 and they press me and press me but I never tell them. However, I am just setting them up to see if they have fucked a minimum of 60 guys so when I asl them well I'm the same between 60 - 350 and laugh like we are somehow equal and it's all good. But I'm not LTR any woman that's fucked 60 guys, fuck that. The 350 is to make it seem absurd and make them feel comfortable admitting they fucked over 60 guys which by me setting it as my base make them this I feel 60 is a low number but in reality its really fucking high.

[–]mrheh0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

That still sounds low for a 28-year-old now.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy

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[–]mrheh4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

40 is low? It might be because I'm from NYC but here Attractive women are going out every single weekend tp meet guys starting at 17ish. That's A LOT of weekends so yes 40 is very low for 28. They were raised watching Sex and the City so sex doesn't mean much anymore to them.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]mrheh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, the only chance is to meet a girl who doesn't do bars or clubs harder but not impossible. I do volunteer work from time to time for work and have met some decent women but they are usually very far-left liberals and feminists so they make have a low count but are very annoying and hard to hold a conversation after to sleep with them. My point, finding a decent human female in a large city is almost impossible.

[–]2ComplexProjection18 points19 points  (6 children) | Copy

How to know you're just the "settle down" guy

Let's answer this. You can never really be sure if you are the settle down guy. And it should not really matter actually. You should just look for someone you like (attractive, interesting, taking care of her and you, ... whatever criteria "someone you like" means).

Problem is that she seemingly suddenly doesn't want to do anything fun or adventurous.

I always initiate and she just complies and it's missionary all the way.

Those are bad omen. This could mean she just want a relax relationship, when you provide for her and her kid (and it's even better if it's chad's kid). She will probably let herself go and sex will keep going to decrease, in quality and quantity. Relationship never goes better. It is a slow descent. If it is bad now, it's gonna get worse.

And BTW,

If I ask to switch up positions she says she doesn't really know how.

That's her playing saint so she can sell her virgin Mary story. You can be sure she was taking up in the ass in doggy style when getting fucked by Chad's and friends.

[–]Garathon6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Who the fuck asks to switch position? Be a man and turn her over.

[–]CassWCD2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

don’t know why I had to scroll down so far to find this.

[–]Garathon3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Haha, it's hilarious to imagine the conversation OP had:

"Excuse me, but can you stand on all fours like a doggy if you don't mind?"

"Unfortunately I don't know how to do that, so just stick to missionary. I have no idea what you are asking me to do."

"Oh, ok then. Pardon my request."

Like she wouldn't know...

[–]CassWCD2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah lol. Dude is just getting played, I think the Brad Pitt Rule applies well here.

[–]SexdictatorLucifer4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can never really be sure if you are the settle down guy. And it should not really matter actually.

Indeed brother, battled this for a long time, still do on occasion. Kill the ego and make your decisions in your frame.

[–]user201806202 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best answer in this thread.

Short answer is... OP is unsatisfied. He wants a girl that actively participates in sex, even initiates it. Is adventurous in the bedroom, and in real life. One who wants to go out and enjoy life.

This girl's is not that girl. And for that reason, he needs to exit.

Even if she was settling, if she behaved in the way the OP desired... It would be ok (just don't marry her, #divorcerape)

If he does like the girl he can downgrade her to a plate, possibly... And it may be that once the girl sees her meal ticket pulling away, shell expose her true slut nature in an attempt to get him back. She may turn into a gymnastic sex freak. Etc.

But have her over one day and tell her that you feel like you are drifting apart. That her desire to stay in, and her lack of interest in sex makes you feel unappreciated and unexcited. So you are thinking that you should take a break from the relationship.

She may react strongly, she may initiate sex, and perform better... This would be a strong indicator that she is indeed settling, and is afraid to lose you. But after a great bang session... You should hold that frame as being sad about your differences pulling you apart and insist on no longer being exclusive. Maybe even hint at another girl that makes you feel more appreciated, even just as a friend. Downgrade her to a plate, and let her pull out her best bait to try to lure you back to her. But ... If it goes down like I outlined... You'll know that she is angling to lock you down, so she can stop trying to be the woman you want her to be. So never give her exclusivity again.

Good luck bro.

[–][deleted] 70 points71 points  (18 children) | Copy

Hate to break it to you, but 10 guys is a very small amount for a modern woman by the age of 28. She's had way more and is lying to you.

Man, if I met a 28 year old woman who only had a count of 10 guys I'd consider her practically a saint by today's standards. This girl does not sound like a saint, I'd bet my life savings she's had way, way more guys than she's telling you about.

The fact she doesn't want to do anything with you convinces me 100% you're the beta she's settled for now she's approaching 30 and has been around the block and fucked about 100 alphas. She's not attracted to you but likes the emotional safety and security you provide so she lets you fuck her.

You should get out for two reasons:

  1. your own self-esteem
  2. she's likely to fuck an alpha as soon as he takes an interest in her

[–][deleted]  (14 children) | Copy

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[–]Itsgeneticsbruh14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fuck, it even sounds low for early 20s

[–]second-last-mohican12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Could be one of those always in a relationship type girls... OP should ask how many cocks she's sucked

[–]LiteraIIyJesus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's gonna be a lie anyway. I'd count her boyfriends, add a dick for every year after 16, and then add whatever number she tells you. This is assuming she is a "always in a relationship" type of girl. If she isn't then it doesn't matter how sky high it is, because you're not going to give a party girl an LTR.

[–]jenovajunkie1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

Wow, I'm a 33 year old male with only one partner.

[–]IrvineKafka34 points35 points  (9 children) | Copy

Was he gentle?

[–]jenovajunkie2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

No, same partner cheated on me too.

[–][deleted]  (6 children) | Copy

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[–]mrheh9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

10 is absolute bullshit and OP is very foolish to believe that number. The fact he even said that as a high number for a 28-year-old makes me think she knows he's an idiot and probably has side dick she's getting.

[–]Unbiased1010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Literally

[–]strainer1231 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The moment they say a number you automatically multiply it by 3. And thats low-balling.

[–][deleted]  (9 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]443610668 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Golden

[–]RhymeSynergy4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, just wow.

[–]MadCalvinist3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely right on the money my man.

[–]mr4kino1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Indeed brother, battled this for a long time, still do on occasion. Kill the ego and make your decisions in your frame.

This guy knows.

OP read this comment it should be enough.

[–]WhatRemainsAfter10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Plate the bitch. What's there to even think if there is no chemistry.

[–]jenovajunkie9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Leave, I'd rather be lonely than someones laughing stock.

I don't know though, you brought this issue up here and not with her. You obviously don't take care of your own shit, you lazy bastard.

[–]30DaystoSolstice1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What he gonna tell her? You can't negociate passion. Take what gou get or leave.

[–]jenovajunkie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her to fix her shit, or go.

[–]send_it_for_the_boys11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

10??? At 28?? Practically a virgin in 2020. I’m 22and I’ve met numerous amount of chicks in the past couple years between 18-22 that had “10” partners...

[–]mrmaika104 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. People need to read the sidebar. Rule of 3s but in her case it sounds more like rule of 10s

[–]Hungboy69694200 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yea if she went to college and graduated by early 20s, she's above 10 already most likely

[–]send_it_for_the_boys0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely, with tinder and Snapchat these girls get railed whenever their finger tips think it’s necessary lol

[–]Self-honest5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I ask to switch up positions

Everything about this is wrong and it probably makes her skin crawl.

Just DO whatever you want to. Take her and flip her over. Drag her. Grab her. Smack her ass hard.

They are built to take a real pounding with grace. They are wired to tingle for a strong man who takes what he wants.

She wants to be someone’s sex toy. You don’t ask a toy if you can play with it.

[–]ofthewhite5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You probably are the guy she is settling for. She probably associates sex with being used and she is trying to get her power back/assert herself by punishing you with bad sex.

[–]MagnumBurrito5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

1) Don't ask to switch positions. Just move her.

2) Yes, you're that provider guy. Woman who are attracted initiate all the time, want to get kinky, and want to show off their man when going out.

3) Get out. There's nothing good that can come from this.

[–]Hungboy69694202 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Number 2 should be a dead giveaway. When I'm with a chick who really likes me, she wants to go out and show off. My last LTR told me she took me to a bar that her friends were at to show me off.

[–]tryToBeRed771324 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can you give more background about her? What’s her personality like? I read your other post on relationship advice though and it does seem like she’s a bit of a bad egg. I recently dated a girl who had a proclaimed n-count of mid 30’s and she was 29 and hitting the wall super hard. She also gave out tons of red flags as we started seeing each other but I persevered. And in your relationship advice post you mentioned that this girl admitted to having lots of little flings that were ‘just sex’ (like that’s supposed to make anyone feel better). And I think that in and of itself is a red flag. Even though it’s what we’re all trying to do here at times, you never want to hear it out of a woman who you see as a potential partner/gf/whatever. I don’t know why but I just hate hearing that. Maybe someone more experienced can expand on why that’s so detrimental but to me it’s like, heres this guy who’s more alpha than you so he got all this ex from me without having any of the tie downs of a relationship. Idk I just hate it. Anyways I’m starting to think it’s better to avoid girls like that. Unless you’re the one getting the casual sex.

[–]RevolutionaryPea72 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd love a woman who doesn't want to go out for new years but cooks me food during the week. If you don't like that then find another woman. As others have said, the sex is on you. It's not up to women to initiate and decide when and how they want to be fucked. Not unless you consider yourself no better than a dildo.

[–]Psych0_W0lf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pretty sure not 10 the way you say it's probably over 50 at least.

[–]SteveSan822 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop comparing yourself with women

[–]strainer1231 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah you got it, she bangs dudes in the bathroom, now anything other than missionary is a conundrum to do and she's never in the mood, let me guess, you're paying the rent, you make lots of money and she doesn't.

[–]2redhawkes1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, you're paying for something someone got for free, dick sampling thot.

[–]AnneStaz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Starfish:(

[–]Cfo770 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Next her

[–]Diche_Bach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like she grew up.

[–]ColdBeing0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Demote her and pursue other women. If she's not in-line with your principles, find one that is. She's not going to change

[–]Truedemocracy60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can you just grab her when she’s cleaning, cooking, etc whatever and start escalating to sex ?

Another good tell are blowjobs. It’s a submissive position so if she doesn’t respect you she won’t do it. Next time you’re doing foreplay or making out grab and head and push it to your dick (never ask for a Bj, that’s pathetic). If she enthusiastically starts sucking your cock then great sign. If “she doesn’t like blowjobs” then you’re BB

[–]futuremo[🍰] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

If I ask to switch up positions she says she doesn't really know how.

You're supposed to be the leader in the bedroom, you take charge.

Sleeping with 10 people isn't that many for being 28 (I'm going to take her word for it since you are)... an average of 1 different guy a year doesn't sound that bad for me. It sounds like you're less the "settle down guy" as a fact, but you're doing behaviors that makes her think of you that way now that you weren't before maybe?

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

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[–]futuremo[🍰] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Say she started having sex around age 17-18, that's around 1 new guy a year. Doesn't seem like a shitload to me, but I'm curious about why you think it is, if you could explain

[–]THEMIDLANDMAN0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Read Rational Males blog post saving the best.

Do you want to end up like that guy ???

[–]Foolishoe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Teach her.

[–]throwitdownman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hell no to 10 partners at 28. And she was single when you met her? That’s a flat out lie. Unless you’re dating a whale, live amongst Mormons, or you’ve been dating since 21, 10 partners is highly unlikely.

[–]iphone50000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So she’s 28, was banging in restrooms and you think she’s only been with 10 guys??

Most 20 year olds have been with more guys.

Regardless if she is boring as shit then next, it’ll only get worse.

[–]zboo1h0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Easy way to tell is to actually have the sex you want with her, and judge by her reaction. Women are in the position to react to us, not to make their own decisions.

So do what you want to her, however you want, and don't you dare ask permission.

Her reaction will tell you all you need to know, in the pit of your stomach.

[–]AJ_KG_JG0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you kiss her and it tastes like the mailman's dick, you're the settle down guy.

[–]IXseed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It doesn't matter as long as your aren't the "settle down" guy yourself.

Also when it comes to the bedroom you don't ASK, you LEAD! If the sex is boring it's your fault. She either follows your lead in the bedroom (just like in the rest of the relationship) or you get another girl.

[–]RPthrowaway1230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Seen this before, and yeah she'll say she's "maturing" or through "that phase" but the reality is that if she had the tingles she'd do what you wanted in a heartbeat.

You're the fall guy, I think.

[–]ThePandaPunisher[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks everyone for all the comments. Looks like I have a long way to go. The brutal honesty is helping me come to grips of getting used.

[–]Terdmuffin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you're the settle down guy she will mention her "asshole ex"

If you're not she'll probably marry the guy after you aka you're the asshole ex.

[–]addwater0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Look in the mirror.

Are you a 10?

She settled.

[–]silent_dominant0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It's okay to be the settle down guy, or any guy, if that is what YOU decide you want to be.

If you don't like the situation you're in, change it or get out. Don't expect a woman to do it for you.

[–]30DaystoSolstice0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

And why the fuck would that be okay

I can tell you just here to red pill your way to a blue pill ltr fantasy

[–]silent_dominant1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not saying it's gonna end well. The point inward trying to make was that he should make his decision based on what HE wants and not on what the chick wants.

On your second part, yeah, part of me still believes it's possible, I'm en route for a reality check though. My unicorn is starting to act up.

[–]MinoxBeardz98-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

You wouldn’t have this problem if you were lifting consistently and eating right.

If you had a girlfriend with an insane pair of tits and a great ass with great proportions, even if she didn’t have the prettiest face either, you’d wanna fuck her all the time, right? Well I’d say this holds true when the shoe is on the other foot. I’ve had girls want to fuck me just because of my body, literally.

If you had a physique better than 90% of other males and dress well to compliment it, girls will literally go nuts over fucking you, especially the 6/7s who have maybe never been with a man with a good, muscular physique.

Lift, man. And get your body fat sub 15%. Godspeed.

[–]jenovajunkie-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Naw bro, TRP is a bunch of people who don't know what they want or have problems they are avoiding.

So they go around trying to dominate people to feel some sense of accomplishment. They can't handle real problems.

You guys think the most effective way to help men is to call them faggot and pussy, basically making slaves to your "fight club".

You fucking losers.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

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[–]jenovajunkie0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Mean what?



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