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cinderella_rising
[โ]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple360 points361 points362 points 3 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
The "relationships are hard work and require sacrifice" type statements are the reason why this happens. Society focuses too much on the "if you keep trying, you'll get your happily ever after" messaging instead of teaching women when (and how) to cut their loses. We need to teach women when "hard work" becomes "too much work."
[โ]cinderella_risingFDS Apprentice[S] 165 points166 points167 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
The fallacy of sunk costs, literally costs women their emotional, financial and physical wellbeing.
[โ]Thatsmybear62 points63 points64 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The sunk cost fallacy is what convinced me to stay way too long in two really miserable relationships
[โ]TropicalPrairieFDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And in extreme cases, it can cost a woman her life.
[โ]BionicWoahManFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've been thinking about sunk cost a lot lately. Wasn't until I saw this that I even considered it applying to past relationships.
[โ]daisy_0720FDS Disciple118 points119 points120 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This! 'Hard work and sacrifice' means remembering important dates, supporting your partner when they get sick, communicating and resolving disagreements, dealing with sleep deprivation after having children...
It does NOT mean 'tolerate all the abusive shit your partner throws at you' in order to be a Good Girlfriend.
[โ]oregano233 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yes this! relationships do take work, but they take work from both parties. you have to work on communication and working through arguments in a healthy way. but relationships taking work does NOT mean that relationships should be hard. that mentality does nothing for anyone.
[โ]flowers4uFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yep! It is tough to know when itโs too much and when youโre forcing something. Also the supportive v enable line is hard to determine as well
[โ]MindeskaFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah, I find it hard to know as well, especially since I had a very long relationship in my twenties where we just got along and barely disagreed (not until the very end). So now it's like...am I just being unrealistic and overly demanding because I'm used to someone just always agreeing and doing what I want, or am I accepting being treated like shit by someone pushing boundaries? I can never really tell.
[โ]dankchick69FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel this line where do you draw the line?
[โ]MindeskaFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It's weird because my first two relationships weren't hard work at all, and I never realised that wasn't the norm. There were obviously issues and they were crap in their own way but we always just...got along? It's only after I turned 30 that I understood what other people were talking about when they said relationships and men were hard work. Lack of communication, inflexibility, inability to compromise...it's exhausting. It really does feel like work.
[โ]GourmayFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I had the same experience and it also happened when I turned 30..
[โ]MindeskaFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I wonder what it is. Maybe the dudes who are still single after 30 are single because they can't compromise and are too used to everything being their way?
The last guy I dated was fucking exhausting. Everything was a problem. I'd stay over for a weekend and hang my towel on his bathroom door, and it was 'in the way'. He thought it was 'stupid' that I changed into comfy indoor clothes (who the fuck cares?) He complained about the way I sat on the couch.
Why don't these idiots just stay single if they're incapable of tolerating the presence of another human being? They all say they want girlfriends and yet they're not capable of the tiniest bit of compromise and want to continue living their lives just as they did before.
[โ]mourningxdoveFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like my ex. Some men are so exhausting.
[โ]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
100% they brainwashed pickmes into believing relationships are about compromising, settling, hard work, and "50/50" to keep women around as bangmaids to care for the house, cook, do chores, run errands, do child/pet care, and still contribute at least half. Relationships shouldn't be "work" they should be overall pleasent and enjoyable for both people
[โ]PahapanFDS Disciple23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"eVeRyOnE jUsT gIvEs Up ThE sEcOnD tHiNgS gEt HaRd!"
Because women should totally be encouraged to stay in relationships in which they're being mistreated/abused.
[โ]Illest_Idealist13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My goodness this speaks to me right now. Maybe because of my current situation my filters are open to reality. Either way thank you.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[โ]boiledgatorade_FDS Newbie301 points302 points303 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I saw the funniest quote once that this reminds me of. โIf youโre crying everyday in a relationship, ask yourself - are you dating a man or an onion?โ Lol!
[โ]hotmailnerdFDS Newbie98 points99 points100 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
At least the onion will give you a delicious meal after
[โ]DallasOMalleyFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh, wow. Then I guess I've dated a whole bag of onions.
[โ]werker115FDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hahaha
[โ]GeorgerobertfrancisFDS Newbie89 points90 points91 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Funny how this is not immediately obvious when you love someone and theyโre gaslighting you into believing itโs all your fault.
[โ][deleted] 66 points67 points68 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes. This. Itโs not passion, itโs not romance, itโs toxic. You should not feel emotionally unstable in a healthy relationship. If you canโt recognize yourself anymore and are the person whoโs crying over your relationship every day, prioritize YOU and get out. The short term pain will be worth the long term stability.
[โ]aliengames666FDS Newbie50 points51 points52 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Idk if any of you have seen sex and the city but thereโs this funny scene where Samantha says the test of a good relationship is if youโre like this โ๐โ or like this โ๐โ. She does it with more flair though. That show was wildly problematic but sometimes it really hit the nail on the head.
[โ][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I remember that scene!
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[โ]TropicalPrairieFDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In past bad relationships, I started to ask myself "what advice would you give your best friend if she were going through this?". Inevitably, it was dump him. So why wasn't I granting myself the same consideration?
[โ]tommiboy136 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
100% this. I didnt realize my old boyfriend was emotionally manipulative and abusive until my new roommate acted the sam way.
[โ]OfficialShreeFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My ex who passed away used to do this to me. Made me feel guilty about every little thing, even publicly humiliated me once to the point of tears. God rest his soul, but fuck him and his dumbass anyway.
[โ]typeadhdFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If heโs making you cry everyday sis youโre dating an onion
[โ]avocadotoastalldayFDS Apprentice13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuck 'soulmates'. That shit is like believing in the tooth fairy and santa, will only continue to disappoint when you find out every guy you dated/will date is not.
[โ]HydraSkyFireFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am concerned that this have to even be said and isn't just common knowledge
[โ]Ch0o0o000000o0000012 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I sometimes donโt agree with the advice on here, but I definitely agree with this one
[โ]Asopaso07FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Are you in a relationship with a man or an onion?
[โ]escapegoat193 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I needed to hear this so bad today
[โ]CDNblondieFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you. Ugh.
[โ]ourautumnfire2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Unless heโs making you cry out of sheer joy and happiness
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[โ]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple360 points361 points362 points (19 children) | Copy Link
[โ]cinderella_risingFDS Apprentice[S] 165 points166 points167 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[โ]Thatsmybear62 points63 points64 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]TropicalPrairieFDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]BionicWoahManFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]daisy_0720FDS Disciple118 points119 points120 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[โ]oregano233 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]flowers4uFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[โ]MindeskaFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[โ]dankchick69FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]MindeskaFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[โ]GourmayFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[โ]MindeskaFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[โ]mourningxdoveFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]PahapanFDS Disciple23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[โ]Illest_Idealist13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[โ]boiledgatorade_FDS Newbie301 points302 points303 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[โ]hotmailnerdFDS Newbie98 points99 points100 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]DallasOMalleyFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]werker115FDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]GeorgerobertfrancisFDS Newbie89 points90 points91 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[โ][deleted] 66 points67 points68 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]aliengames666FDS Newbie50 points51 points52 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[โ][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[โ]TropicalPrairieFDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]tommiboy136 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]OfficialShreeFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]typeadhdFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]avocadotoastalldayFDS Apprentice13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]HydraSkyFireFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]Ch0o0o000000o0000012 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]Asopaso07FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]escapegoat193 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]CDNblondieFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[โ]ourautumnfire2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link