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idiopathictendencies
[–]divination__FDS Newbie84 points85 points86 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Whenever someone posts something like this, the comments are usually divided between praise and comments saying praising men for what is normal for women will never normalise that behaviour.
I agree with both sentiments - if you praise a man for the bare minimum (or in this case, lovely behaviour that is nevertheless normalised for women), he will think he is exceptional and not that he is just doing what a loving partner should do. However, I think that's more on an individual basis - I think in a public sphere, on a macro level, men SHOULD be praised for this behaviour. We are social creatures and if other men, particularly younger men, see men being praised for being attentive, loving and generous, maybe they will aspire to that rather than hyper-masculine/aggressive versions of masculinity. Praising acting like this is less about praising that one specific man, and more about giving incentive to other men to be better.
[–]melonmagellanFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Or praising a man for learning a skill that is totally unnecessary and only for your pleasure. In this example, it may well be baking. That would be incredibly HV imo.
[–]goldiebabyFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I will praise both men and women who display this behavior because I don't want this behavior to ever be normalized for women. I want women to be praised and appreciated every time they cook an amazing meal. I want them to be praised when they clean and care for kids. I want "women's work" to become highly valued and these contributions be awarded sufficient praise and worth.
If a man exhibits the same behavior, I am happy to offer the same praise BECAUSE I find the work inherently valuable, not because a man did it.
[–]Optimal_Grapefruit_5FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agree 100%
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]divination__FDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
oh i don't think we should be praising individual men in our lives when they do one nice thing for us, especially when they get the same if not more returned and on a regular basis, i just mean in a public forum such as this, it probably has a greater good to praise this example (by incentivising others to do the same) than harm (potentially making one individual man think that doing one nice thing that is expected of women makes him exceptionally HV).
all that said a truly HV man will be unaffected by such praise whether from individuals irl or online because he would know that these acts of love are just what you do for your partner, and you do it altruistically out of love and not for some reward.
[–]idiopathictendenciesFDS Newbie[S] 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I couldn’t agree more! Very well said.
[–]Missybanana52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They look perfect!
[–][deleted] 39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is sad that this type of behavior is rare
[–]catsuramenFDS Newbie142 points143 points144 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Cute.
Not to take away his credit, but wives have been making treats for husbands way before social media. So much that men expects it.
[–][deleted] 146 points147 points148 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
For me, it's not that this is a treat. This isn't a roll-and-slice sugar cookie. This is:
a) a hidden knockoff that had to be dug up.
b) probably a challenging thing made from scratch.
c) hot and never frozen from the oven, so probably an upgrade from the usual.
d) a particular favorite of his unique partner.
Part D is the biggest thing for me. He knows what SHE goes for. This is individualized and well-executed. No, it's not more than women deserve. No, it's not more than women reciprocate. Yes, this is a meaningful act of effort, love, and generosity.
[–]HmtnswPickmeisha™️31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For me the meaning is in all of it.
I baked my ex a homemade sugar cookie (his favorite) and made it into the shape of his car with details and everything. It was the front end, so headlights and the works. (I even made some Pokémon ones for myself to work on my craft).
I've never had anyone do anything like that for me on that scale. The closest thing to it was, I was seeing a Korean guy for a while and he made me homemade Korean dishes. Some of them was the first time he had ever cooked them but he put a lot of effort into them for me to try. He even woke me up once with breakfast already made. Out of the 5 years with my ex, not once did he do anything like that.
But like... it's so rare that men do this when it should just be "a thing."
[–]_friggin_pickleFDS Newbie71 points72 points73 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Stereotypes like those should be destroyed. Me and my partner aren't the coolest bakers. But when I get really frustrated at school he would bake me cookies.
[–]Growlithe99FDS Newbie72 points73 points74 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
You’re absolutely right; you can never expect behavior to be normalized if it’s constantly glorified.
I remember my male psychology professor mentioning that the expectation for decent behavior is so low for men that bare minimum acts of kindness performed by them will always be socially pedastalized and rewarded, from baking to domestic labor to even simply being seen holding a baby. Whereas those things are completely expected of women so no one really bats an eye when she exhibits those qualities. What we see from this post is a kind and generous display for sure, but it’s not necessarily something we should be throwing confetti at and fawning over.
[–]localgirlcultFDS Apprentice48 points49 points50 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
the expectation for decent behavior is so low for men that bare minimum acts of kindness performed by them will always be socially pedastalized and rewarded, from baking to domestic labor to even simply being seen holding a baby
Yes. The baby thing is so huge. I really don't know whether to cry or laugh. It's pathetic at this point. I was watching a YouTube video about tattoos. The video had a bunch of tattoo artists commenting. One of them was a man and he was holding his baby. Just holding her/him. Did not talk about the baby, didn't talk about parenting. Nothing. Just. Holding. It. Cue a bunch of comments with upvotes in the hundreds and thousands about how he's such a great father(how do you know that?), how the baby is lucky to have a dad like that(based on what?), how it's amazing that a man who looks like that is so gentle (do heavily tattooed people not have souls? Is he supposed to handle the baby like a sack of potatoes?) Literally absolutely 100% what the fuck?
[–]stankyhoseFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Men created the bar for themselves and it's basically floor level if not in hell.
[–]MakeURegretFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And they still trip over it. Lmao. Ugh.
[–]missisabelarcherFDS Apprentice8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I remember a few months after I gave birth to my son, my then partner and I were walking in our city's downtown area. He was carrying our baby in the Baby Bjorn and I cannot tell you how many people we walked past who were like, "What an amazing dad!" One car even drove past and was like, "Great job!"
Meanwhile, do mothers get a fucking parade thrown in our honor for carrying our baby down the street? No, we get criticized for our choice of baby carrier ("You know, maybe a wrap would be better, that's what I do for mine and she's happy") to how we hold the baby to why the hell are you using a stroller because you're tired of people telling you how you're doing baby-wearing all wrong.
It's the clear inequality here that's galling. Kindness and generosity are expected emotional labor for women; we suffer a lot of social and emotional cost if we fall short. For men, they get a freaking parade and fanfare for basic human decency. I think it's time to both make visible and celebrate the emotional labor that women do -- because it is emotional labor and invisible work -- and start enforcing boundaries and consequences for men when they fall short.
[–]SunnydaleHSDropoutFDS Newbie[🍰] 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is one the lurkers will pass right on by, because it doesn’t serve their confirmation bias. What, high value doesn’t have to mean high earning? Expensive gifts? High value is something any man could achieve if he possessed the will to do so? This will go right over them.
[–]OrangeyPandaFDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Love is a chicken cutlet"
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow looks good. 😊
[–]balladwildsFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i love this
[–]JamiepappasatlantaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
These look just like scones my boyfriend makes
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Probably a lesbian relationship.
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[–]divination__FDS Newbie84 points85 points86 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]melonmagellanFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]goldiebabyFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Optimal_Grapefruit_5FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]divination__FDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]idiopathictendenciesFDS Newbie[S] 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Missybanana52 points53 points54 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 39 points40 points41 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]catsuramenFDS Newbie142 points143 points144 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 146 points147 points148 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HmtnswPickmeisha™️31 points32 points33 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]_friggin_pickleFDS Newbie71 points72 points73 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Growlithe99FDS Newbie72 points73 points74 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]localgirlcultFDS Apprentice48 points49 points50 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]stankyhoseFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MakeURegretFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]missisabelarcherFDS Apprentice8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SunnydaleHSDropoutFDS Newbie[🍰] 15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]OrangeyPandaFDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]balladwildsFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JamiepappasatlantaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link