Tomi Lahren: TradThot at the Gates of Epiphany

Tomi “My Parents Wanted a Boy” Lahren is mad, and she wants you to know that, as a man, it’s YOUR FAULT. And she’s going to save you from YOU, soy boy, so that she “an’ her frens!” can have suitable romantic partners. Tomi is completely unburdened by any sense of self-awareness, of course. But let’s continue.

So The Tomster has, until recently been engaged to a tall, handsome (no homo), rich – the engagement ring he got her cost $50K – entrepreneur, who she now describes as her “best friend”, meaning that their relationship suffers from a conditions that the Romans called: Deadicus Bedroomicus.

She broke off the engagement because she “wasn’t ready” – meaning she has raging hypergamy – and has been doing a “lot of thinking” over the past couple of weeks about the State of Men, because evidently every guy in the country b/w 20 and 60 is letting her “an’ her frens!” down. It couldn’t POSSIBLY be women, even in the smallest way, but hey, remember what I said about No Self-Awareness? Moving on.

Now, before anyone thinks I am down on the Tomster, she has some positive points. First, she’s a Hard 8. She’s 5’6” and usually women under 5’9” are invisible to me, but she’s def a hottie….so long as she keeps her mouth shut. But she won’t. Because she can’t. And what can we divine from the miasmic rantings that escape her face? In about a dozen years, when she’s 40, she will be a Full Blown Karen. So much so that, at that point, the expression “Karen” will be replaced by the expression “Tomi.”

Second, Tomi did the right thing, early on, which was, at about age 25, she started dating her fiancé. So she vetted him early enough so that, if they got married, she could have started popping out kids at 27, 28 or 29.

But then her Hypergamy got her. One of the reasons that the Tomster arrived at the Gates of Epiphany on the verge of 28 instead of 32 is she is a successful media personality. She’s hot, she’s on TV, and she probably has some coin in her pocket. That’s great – if one is a man. If one is a woman, then it’s problematic because of hypergamy. The next guy she gets engaged to? The floor on the engagement ring is now $50k.

Tomi dumped her fiancé – I am guessing – because he was a ‘nice guy’. Probably her emotional tampon etc. No game – he was one of those guys who didn’t need it because he was tall, rich and hot. And now that Tomi’s hypergamy hamster is rocking like that Clash at the Casbah, that’s a problem. She’s not attracted to him, but there are few men who will meet her “standards”, so that means that – it’s all MEN’s FAULT!

Now, Tomi thinks she wants the Marlboro Man but what she reeeeeeeally wants is to Build Better Betas. How do I know? Because now, she has STANDARDS. Y’know for the “High Quality” men that she “an’ her frens!” DESERVE.

First, are you SINGLE? Not talking to other women (who she derisively refers to as “Thotiannas”). So you can’t even TALK to other women, never mind that she - “an’ her frens!” - all have phones and DMs FULL of guys waiting for her to be single so they can be that Number 1 Draft Pick. Bitch, PLEASE!

Second, you gotta “make a plan.” I’m on board with this one. Even if it’s “Ima be at the Regal Beagle on Thursday at 9pm. Come tag along.” That will only last for a bit, but really, get of your ass and get out of the house. That said, what killed dating? BITCHES FLAKING. Flakes Killed Dates. Go argue with the Sisterhood.TM

Third, the Tomster - “an’ her frens!” - want us to ‘value value’. In other words, we are supposed to be all happy about her - “an’ her frens!” - being talented, skilled, “go-getters” who “Make their own money!”, blah, blah, blah. This is typical of Women on the Verge of Epiphany. Suddenly, bitches have REQUIREMENTS. Did she have these at 22 when she was at Peak Attractiveness? Fuck, NO, back then she had all the time in the world and was happy to get Pounded Through The Mattress by Chadwicke Chaddington III. But now, if you want what she gave away, free, at closing time to every Drug Dealer, Outlaw Bikers and Escaped Mental Patients, you gotta PAY (metaphorically) in terms of committing and submitting to her Frame.

Sorry, that’s a HELLToTheFuckingNOOOOOO! from me.

Why? Because starting near the Epiphany Phase, the Power shifts to MEN, and in the World of MenTM what MEN want MATTERS. Men Do.Not.Give.A.SHIT about how much “ambition” a woman has. Oh, we might SAY we do, and it might even raise their RMV. But we don’t. “That law degree looks so sexy on you!” - Said No Man, Ever.

Men look for two things: Youth & Beauty. Why? Because they are indicators of fertility and the only thing we need women for are the production and care of children. That’s it. Maybe some cooking and light housework. That’s it. Everything else we can provide for ourselves. If women vanished from the planet tomorrow, we’d have a shortage of nurses, teachers and secretaries. If men vanished from the planet tomorrow, Civilization would last until the first oil change. Actually shit would start going wrong in the first 15 minutes when power stations would start going offline (and the ‘black start’ plants would not come online to take up the slack) but shit would REALLY be fucked within 30 days.

So men care about facial symmetry (which we call “beauty”), plus an approximately .72 Waist-to-Hips Ratio (a girl’s “hourglass”) plus long hair, because the length and condition of a woman’s hair can tell you a lot about her health, and therefore her suitability for producing los babies.

Talented and skilled? Sure: Talented in the bedroom and skilled at sandwich-making.

Oh, and for all her complaining about how all men want to bang 22 year olds? – which, in fairness, is true. Was the Tomster pissing and moaning about this when SHE was 22 and getting MAX attention from men? I bet you can Name That Tune in One Note.

She has a couple of other points, one about “Consistency” which is basically “Put up with my shit, and give me what I want, all the time,” and the last one is “Don’t’ be a bitch”, which, conveniently, is “Step 1” in Uncle Vasya’s Three Step Program for Finding a Husband. What she means is don’t come back to her after you’ve flaked. Whatever.

What the Tomster needs to LURN is she is about to pass her biological advantage over to men. She needs to LURN what that means. Like I said, I have a Three Step Program for Finding a Husband:

Step 1: If you are a bitch, STOP.BEING.A.BITCH. Men no likey. When a 28 y.o. gets ATTITUDE with us, we look over at yon 22 y.o. and think, “Hmm. Yon 22 y.o. has delectable 22 y.o. hindquarters. And she doesn’t seem interested in BITCHING about Every.Little.Thing. She smiles a lot and is sexy, happy, believes everything we tell her and is never ‘too tired’ for fun.”

Step 2: Do everything you can, as a woman, to improve your looks. Why? Because, that’s what we care about. Youth and Beauty. Don’t like it? Go argue with God. Or Nature. Or Aliens. It’s what Daddy wants.

Step 3: Lower your requirements. Men have three requirements, generally: is she attractive to them, can they have a convo with her, and is she a warm person. Women? The list is 3847 items long. “I’m sorry, Steve, sure, you have a good job, always do your best, work hard, try to make me happy and would be a GREAT dad, but you used the wrong fork and dinner, so I have to disqualify you.”

If a girl doesn’t want to do those three things then she doesn’t want a husband. Simples.

The Takeaways

-Avoid uppity bitches. A girl says she is “STRONG” and “INDEPENDENT”? That means she’s LOUD and OPINIONATED. Look for feminine women who are warm, caring and dedicated in making YOU happy.

-Hypergamy is an 800 lb gorrilla.

-In the Long Run, Men Win. After 30, we have all the advantages. So be of good cheer. Make yourself into something and you will be sampling from the pool of 20 and 30 year-olds, when you are in your 40s and 50s.