The title is self explanatory so lets dive right on in;

I'm a cheap fuck(pun intended), especially when it comes to women at bars, movies, diners, etc. I always bet on a sure thing, however living in NYC is expensive enough as it is, so whenever some HB 8 or above wants to go on a date or an extended evening after the bar...I had to find a way to make it short, cheap, and fun.

If you're a rich bastard, you can stop reading now, if you're a college student or just a gutterpunk in the making...read on;

I love New York, it why I breathe, but everything is overpriced or downright rape. So I decided a very long time ago to make things easier for me. Pretty basic guide on how to troll around for fun nights out without committing financial seppuku.

  1. Look around, I'm not kidding, stop being a lazy fuck and look around for the local dollar pizza spots, or cheap food carts (Lamb and rice combo - L&R). In NY we have dollar pizza spots all over, and the cheapest L&R combo I can find is always $5. Do your research.

  2. The money (15 zamolians) is for you, no one else. I don't expect to pay for anything on the date/after hours trolling. There lies the question you might be having; "So then how the fuck does the HB8-10 stay around for your cheap fuckery?" ....

Simple; I tell my dates flat out, if I can't get along with you eating cheap pizza, how do you expect for me to like you over $50 steak? This works like a charm every time, not only is it a shit test for them, they think its somehow "deep" and prefer to not look like a gold digging bore.

The pizza is a dollar, and if you're smart, you at the very least walk around with some chump change, I've had countless women even offer to pay for both of us...when its cheap, holes want to splurge. If its L&R, I go for the romantic bit and share with the girl I'm with, followed with the line; "In India its a sign of respect to share food". I don't even know if they eat lamb in India, and I don't care, they buy it every time.

  1. Walk everywhere; not only is it healthy for you, but you can find some nice locations by being nosey. It also helps that you take the lead, it demonstrates control and ultimately they're lost sheep anyway, does she think she "knows the way?" wrong, you know a "quiet spot"...you don't, but it doesn't matter, the point is to lead the horse, and make sure it gets used to being led.

  2. Movies and diners are the enemy. Unless you can catch a Matinee for cheap, don't bother, its cliche, boring if the movie sucks, and usually relies on both of you being up the rest of the night, in other words; you don't want her napping on you.

Diners are fun, and they bring back a lot of nostalgia, but many are overpriced and not worth the effort to look like your favorite Noir paiting (NightHawks for me). If you can manage to find a cheap locale, order coffee, nothing else.

  1. Never spend the whole $15. I'm a proponent of "5 will get you 10" aka a sure thing, this practice helps you turn this motto into goddamn muscle memory. Save the rest for; tomorrow, bubblegum, more coffee, or a fucking slurpee.

That's pretty much it, being a cheap bastard is just so much easier then trying to build SMV. This is of course, for plates, and not LTR's. I'm young, with a six pack and a Jew grip on my money. Follow these steps and never spend money on two things; Pussy and water.