Remember not to get caught up in a guy just because he’s “seemingly HVM.” Just because a man has a good job, assets, and hobbies doesn’t mean you should forget your expectations and standards. Take it slow.

curlygirl507 · 2020-11-28T21:36:00+00:00

All my exes were far and away better than the typical exes described on this sub and checked all the boxes. They still weren't worth it.

__kamikaze__ · 2020-11-28T21:43:24+00:00

This is equivalent to falling in love with the idea of someone, rather than who they actually are. It’s a slippery slope, so try not to idealize your crush.

CassieGreen85 · 2020-11-28T22:40:37+00:00

We need to sticky this once in a while, too many newbies (or just, women who come to the chat thinking it's some cheap-ass, easy alternative to askFDS) come to the chat asking stuff like this:

"He looks good on paper, he has X amount of red flags but otherwise looks good on paper, gals is it ok?? I want a man"

Do not romanticize, idolize or get deluded by a guy just because you're still in the "I need a man to be happy, want happy marriage and kids lifescript" mindset.

AverageToHot · 2020-11-28T21:54:45+00:00

I don’t consider a man to be HV till a year or more later. Even then, that judgement can still change.

yesmme · 2020-11-28T23:12:18+00:00

I’ve met seemingly HVM (I’m talking some of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the world) and some of them are trash and psychopaths. A degree from an Ivy League and a really good job does not guarantee a HVM. These are the kind of men who will not only cheat on their wives but they will murder women on their yachts and submit a story to the mainstream media, lying by omission and making it seem like these women randomly died on a yacht just like that.

If they’re not as filthy rich, (for example a doctor), they’ll still cheat on you left and right. There are even studies concluding that the richer a man is, the higher the chances of cheating.

These are also men who can fuck you over with their expensive lawyers if ever you had to go to battle with them.

Vet hard, ladies.

donttakemelightly · 2020-11-28T23:13:49+00:00

Yesss I not once romanticised the most recent man I was seeing, it kept everything completely clear and I could see everything at an arms length.

He soon showed me all of his issues and what little of the attraction I had for him disappeared. Over, block and delete.

It is so refreshing to have this clarity.

yesmme · 2020-11-28T23:00:12+00:00

See the truth for what it is. I did this with a guy who I fell for at first sight. Which is the perfect opportunity to throw every sense of rationality and logic out the window. It took every ounce of energy for me to deny him and to resist him. It’s hard but you must rip the band aid off and start planning your exit. And it’s worth it.

If you have mutual friends who are coming out of nowhere and warning you, heed their warnings! It’s not them being jealous, it’s them being a good friend. If he’s acting weird when you initiate a conversation with him online—leaving you on read or you see that he closed the conversation window, don’t accept that. He’s triangulating you or even has the audacity to hook up with another woman and your friends witness it? Let the other woman have him and next his ass so fast.

NotSoSmartChick · 2020-11-29T00:32:11+00:00

Yeah, this one's always tough for me. I’m much better than I was, but still I feel myself slip sometimes!

vmuzondi · 2020-11-28T22:16:46+00:00

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Icchy24 · 2020-11-29T02:27:39+00:00

My ex told me he stopped watching porn years ago and i romanticized the shit out of that...big mistake.

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ it is what it is now. You live and you learn

typeadhd · 2020-11-29T05:04:58+00:00

Yes this is so good!!

harrohamtaro · 2020-11-29T18:02:41+00:00

Yeah I’m tired of some naive posts here gushing about a ‘HVM’ and proceeds to describe some utterly mundane thing or suspiciously extravagant gesture.

Aroundthewayjay · 2020-11-30T17:10:29+00:00

THIS. Two of my exs were people I admired professionally and on the surface checked all the boxes. Once I started dating them, YUCK. No thanks, Im good.

romantickitty · 2020-11-28T23:52:08+00:00

Me: Always looking for the red flags of a LVM

Can't relate 🤷

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