Sorry for the crude drawings. On mobile etc etc

before mid 20’s

after mid 20s

Disclaimer: this is a super generalization and the analysis only works on a mass population level. There are many many anecdotes that buck the general trend.

The first chart shows the percentile women and who they tend to go for in terms of casual dating/hook ups in their younger years. (Not thinking marriage, kids, be financially entwined etc)

If you notice most of the women can get a hook up above their percentile. They aren’t thinking about long term compatibility. Guys aren’t either. Additionally what gives status in your early 20 is not the same as in your 30s.

Next chart shows how people start pairing up starting their late 20s. Right now about 50% of 30 year olds are married. Most people tend to settle at people close to their level in terms of attractiveness. The graphic is crude and I would be happy to discuss nuance in the comments.

The top

The guys and girls towards the are the happiest. I would argue that for the most part the top guys who have high n counts do not care about their girl’s n count. They both laugh and say yeah, they had their wild years but they’re done with that. The guy picked the most long term compatible girl out of his options. The girl got a high value guy and everyone is happy.

These people are usually the ones that say hey everything works out in the end. You’ll find the one that’s for you.

The middle

These guys are mostly happy. The girl probably has a higher n count than the guy and maybe is a little sad about “the one that got away”. But she has someone she is happy enough with. The guy is also happy to get a girl that’s about his match. He had a few hook ups but doesn’t ask too much about her past and is happy enough.

These are the ones that say “hey you can’t have it all but if you compromise and are realistic you can make something work and learn to love”

The bottom

The lower guys might be more bitter that the girls that didn’t want them in their early 20s are wiling you settle for them. The girls about that age start seeing that the higher guys are getting hitched to the higher girls and figure out where they stand. The girls also complain that guys just want to use them for sex. A lot of these people remain single.

The guys say they don’t want a used up girl who only wants him for the money /security. The women say their values changed now that they are looking for a more long term thing.

The girls say most guys only want sex and are scared of that happening. So they demand symbols of commitment. The higher value guys are like “we do want a happy long term relationship. Just not with you. I only hooked up because there was a dry spell. Etc”

The incels

I would argue that many of the guys in the incel community are younger and in the lower end of the first graph. They are having a tough time getting anyone at all.

I think many of these guys turn into the ones not marrying because of their bitterness about having the betabuxx as their only option.

conclusion

So in conclusion, every view point is right, depending on where you are. It’s like the three blind guys touching an elephant.

three blind men and the elephant

They are all describing the elephant and based on where they are they are correct. But it’s not the big picture.

TL;DR: see title. Everyone that posts in this forum and other places we analyze is correct based on their personal observation. We would do well to see where everyone is coming from to better understand each other and the bigger picture.