Alcoholics

saydeesalt · 2020-05-12T20:14:47+00:00

[deleted]

saydeesalt · 2020-05-12T21:24:47+00:00

My ex was a drug addict, he was very selfish, would insult me, and blamed his addiction on his past traumas.

Of course when we started dating he was not like this, but three months later he showed his real self....

I dont recommend dating an addict. I learned the hard way that they usually have no empathy and have a very fragile ego.

AyemHerself · 2020-05-12T21:00:02+00:00

With my partner, it started with the normalization of heavy drinking. On our first date he made a joke about how he drank so much.

Every outing of ours, a big component was seeking out alcohol. It was a social and epicurean thing for us, since we were trying out different craft beers.

I'd later pick up on signs that he was hiding alcohol from me. Drinking after I'd gone to bed so I wouldn't notice, or bottles of vodka I didn't know we had stashed around in various places. He'd make an excuse of "I didn't want to wake you" or "I didn't want to share."

His moods could change quickly. We'd be laughing, having a good time, and then suddenly he'd remember something in the past that upset him and he'd start sobbing. Or he'd pick a fight over something that happened months before and he joked about when it happened.

He'd come over "tired" often. Or "stressed from work."

He'd keep mouthwash in the car. Not because he was drinking it, but he wanted to mask the booze on his breath. I'd assumed at the time it was to facilitate kissing.

At the worst of his drinking, his eyes were always bloodshot and he wore sunglasses often. They also turning yellow, and so did the rest of him. He also wasn't eating because of his depression. (By the way, this is a serious GET THE FUCK TO REHAB situation. He was close to killing himself by this point. He did go into recovery just in time.)

rainbowcatsurprise · 2020-05-12T20:02:27+00:00

Remember that what a person does when he’s drunk still counts. “I was drunk” is an excuse manipulators and abusers use. If he cannot act like a decent human being when tipsy/drunk, leave at the first opportunity. Saying awful things, hurting other people or breaking things mean you should walk out immediately. If he cannot function or enjoy himself without a substance, that’s also a red flag.

cherryddboo · 2020-05-12T22:38:20+00:00

Plan a date that lasts several hours. Like a lunch, a long drive and a hike, then the long drive back. Most alcoholics can’t go over a few hours without wanting/needing a drink. If the date can last at least 6 hours you should see the withdrawal tremors starting. Most would also try to find a reason to drink, like suggesting a bar stop on the way back. As far as drugs goes that’s a lot harder to tell depending on the drug and not knowing what their typical behavior is like. Good luck. I too wasted time on an alcoholic. We dated for three years and I had no clue until we moved in together and spent 24/7 together. I was so tired of being someone’s “mommy” basically and got the hell out of there!

mightbethrowawayyy · 2020-05-12T20:11:47+00:00

Idk about drug addicts but with alcoholics, usually they tell you. Many alcoholics aren’t ashamed by the fact they’re alcoholics

brainsandb00bs · 2020-05-12T20:04:43+00:00

With alcoholics it’s easier to tell than other addictions. Looking back at alcoholics I’ve been involved with, the signs were there, I just listened to the stuff they’d tell people and themselves to cope with their addiction and thought they “weren’t that bad”

Things I ask to figure it out:

Are you a drinker? How often do you drink?
What do you usually drink when you drink?
Is it social for you or do you find yourself drinking alone sometimes to unwind?
Have you ever had a DUI/DWI?
How long have you gone without any alcohol since you started drinking? (People who say they don’t know because they drink every few days and have done so since they were a teenager are a red flag to me at the age I’m at now)
Does your family drink too? Is it a big part of family time/holidays? (This helps uncover possible family history of alcoholisms. Some people will flat out say oh yeah my dad was an alcoholic etc, or no my family is against alcohol, which can give you an idea as to his risk factors).

what_thefreshhell · 2020-05-13T00:16:02+00:00

I always look for whether or not they always have to get a drink when we go out. Does every social activity involving him drinking, when he's at home does he drink things like that. Be very wary if he drinks alone a lot.

I found a copy of the AA Big Book at the house of someone I was seeing (it was sitting out in his living room) and he tried to say "he found it at the thrift store." Paired with me realizing almost very single time I saw him he had a drink I was glad to see things end. Lord, the audacity.

featherflowers · 2020-05-12T20:50:58+00:00

People on drugs tend to not look you in the eye or get close enough to you physically for you to look in their eyes. Depending what drug their pupils will be pin points or very large, eyes will be glassy and look vacant. I started catching on with one of my exes when I was younger because he stopped being affectionate or being close enough that I could look in his eyes. His eyes looked shifty when I would try to look at him because he was trying to avoid making eye contact. Turns out he had an awful oxy addiction.

The other thing was that he never had money and he made significantly more than me.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-05-13T02:41:47+00:00

If they've ever had their driver's license suspended it was more than likely due to DUI. 2 or more DUIs is a major problem.

If they always smell like alcohol even when they're not drinking (usually the case for beer) bc it seeps through their pores.

StupidHappyPancakes · 2020-05-13T08:53:54+00:00

A lot of recovering alcoholics become really anti-alcohol and will freak out if anyone near them gets a drink.

Title	Alcoholics
Author	saydeesalt
Upvotes	46
Comments	28
Date	May 12, 2020 7:54 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/giizf3/alcoholics/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/alcoholics.676318 https://theredarchive.com/post/676318

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