Don’t apologize unless it was actually your fault

Warrior-Kai · 2020-02-26T14:42:44+00:00

Women are trained to sacrifice our own feelings to make others feel better. I’ve struggled with this too ...

If the only reason I am apologizing is to ease the situation or make someone else feel better, I don’t. If I am truly sorry, I do.

saxophonepax · 2020-02-26T14:54:10+00:00

[deleted]

MomsSpecialFriend · 2020-02-26T16:21:46+00:00

Things that have greatly improved my life recently:

Not apologizing for things I don't feel responsible for.
Not rushing to say "its okay" when someone is apologizing to me, or has otherwise wronged me.
Not saying thank you for things I don't want or didn't ask for.

Its crazy because this seems simple, but even in practice I will say it automatically, and correct myself. "You know what, it isn't okay that you did xxxx because we've discussed this before and it continues to happen". Even if you slightly miss the moment, don't be afraid to go back and stand up for yourself.

prettyexcitingnews · 2020-02-26T15:53:44+00:00

It reminds me of the recent documentary of Taylor Swift. She was talking about something passionately and apologized as she got heated with her own opinion. And she realized herself that why she apologized for that? All she did was just speaking her mind. And then one of the female staffs (I heard the majority of staffs for this documentary were women) told her it’s because we women were told to apologize even over small matter.

I want us to be more unapologetic. We’ve apologized way too many times for things that are not even our faults.

greenappletw · 2020-02-26T15:28:15+00:00

Yupp

Very important lesson to learn for all of life.

When you try to be nice and apologize for anything that's not your fault just to make someone else feel better, you are putting a bright red target on your back for all of that person's frustrations. Without fail.

Hurt people are always looking to place blame on someone else. Do not offer yourself up on a platter.

Usual_Zucchini · 2020-02-26T15:31:12+00:00

Yes, severely. I'm not sure that I have any advice but I do understand. With the last guy I was seeing, he did something I didn't like, I got upset, and then I ended up apologizing for being upset. He never once took ownership for his behavior. I'm no longer seeing him, but next time there will be no apology. Just silence.

GlitterLoveAngel · 2020-02-26T15:17:52+00:00

I do. I apologize for EVERYTHING. Even for things that make me happy and don’t need an apology. I can’t help it but I’m trying my best to break this habit 😓

2020-02-26T15:56:17+00:00

As women we are groomed to apologize for even existing, so we tend to apologize for having concerns or needs, for even taking up space. We move out of the way instead of expecting others to walk around us. You are valuable as a human being, especially as a woman. Your wants, needs, and desires are valid. You deserve the best. Tell yourself that and never apologize again unless you do something actually wrong. Even if you bump into someone in a store or make some kind of superficial mistake like spilling coffee on a stranger, say excuse me instead of i'm sorry. Reserve i'm sorry for the most dire wrongs you commit in your life, which will most likely be very few and far between.

hello-earthlings · 2020-02-26T15:29:56+00:00

ME! People have pointed out to me that I say I'm sorry after almost every sentence. And I definitely also apologise for things that don't warrant an apology... like if I'm setting a boundary and the other person reacts poorly, I somehow feel the need to apologise... even though I'm not doing them any harm in any way. Working on it!

Angrboda229 · 2020-02-26T16:04:43+00:00

I used to be this way. Then my friend pointed it out to me and I took it upon myself to change. Whenever I got the urge to apologize, I stopped myself. It made me think about why I should be apologizing. Why should I say SORRY for doing something that I like? I took on a very selfish way of thinking and began to really watch and see how others never apologized TO ME so, why should I? Now I only say it if the situation calls for it. I stopped saying sorry for the little things. It's taken me about a year to get this way by the way it was not an overnight change.

ENTPgemini · 2020-02-26T15:50:08+00:00

Thiiiiiiiis smh. You are not alone girl. I haven't finished reading the FDS handbook yet, but if anyone knows of any other useful resources that touch on cultivating assertiveness for women it would be much appreciated.

cannedboelyn · 2020-02-26T20:40:11+00:00

Yes I do have this habit I’ll zero in on the most recent guy I apologized to numerous amounts of times. He treated me bad but I was the one apologizing to him a lot of times. He was the one who ghosted me and led me on.

All I did was message our mutual friends the truth about him and they didn’t really care, but yet I was the one feeling like the bad guy

He was ignoring me and ghosted me after we hooked up.

When I was younger there was this gay guy who I use to be friends with who thinks I owe him an apology when he led me to believe he wanted to genuinely help me, but instead turned around and asked me for $400 even though he knew I was not rich and the money I got was from a college student loan

2020-02-26T22:27:43+00:00

All the damn time even when I KNOW I did nothing wrong. I feel like such a doormat.

Blackishcat27 · 2020-02-26T23:37:48+00:00

Yes and this is one of the worst things women can do. It screams take advantage of me. It's also a really difficult habit to break.

7_0f_9 · 2020-02-27T07:24:51+00:00

Some dude hit my car today, then blamed me, and when i got mad and started yelling at him for blaming me for what was clearly his fault, i felt ashamed and apologized to him when i shouldn't have.

So yeah I'm working on it too 😑

RiteWriter · 2020-02-26T22:46:42+00:00

This is my biggest hang up

Title	Don’t apologize unless it was actually your fault
Author	azngirl7689
Upvotes	183
Comments	22
Date	February 26, 2020 1:30 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f9t8md/dont_apologize_unless_it_was_actually_your_fault/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dont-apologize-unless-it-was-actually-your-fault.681475 https://theredarchive.com/post/681475

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