Red and green flags

VigilantRedRooster · 2020-06-25T16:26:26+00:00

Especially for new users: Be sure and browse our Wiki for curated articles about common RPW topics.

This is from a three part article on vetting men, a discussion of red and green flags.

ragnarockette · 2020-06-25T00:45:28+00:00

Red Flags

Always the victim - boss is an asshole, ex is crazy, friend fucked him over, etc. Big red flag.
Always has innocuous bad stuff happening to him - car breaks down, milk went bad, lost his wallet. Occasionally bad luck is no big deal, but if it happens a lot it shows irresponsibility.

Green Flags

Is nice, friendly to animals and kids.
Has a nice home/apartment/room. Should be clean, organized, and a space you feel comfortable in.
Wants to hang out in the day. If you're an after-9 hangout buddy he's probably not that serious.

2020-06-24T18:39:07+00:00

I assume you already kind of know what intangible qualities to look for. There are a billion ways a man could demonstrate that he’s ‘kind’— but here are some common, concrete red flags that seem to come up on this sub:

He mentions/implies, or you know of, any ongoing sexual relationships with other women. This probably means he’s used to spinning plates and a lot of times, there’s no guarantee you’re not going to end up one of them.
It’s difficult to set up a date with him. At best, he’s too busy to make time to see you. At worst, he’s paying attention to you only when he wants ‘something’. Either way, keep it moving.
As u/lilianavich already mentioned— if you can’t carry on a conversation with him without it turning to sex, that kind of shows you where his head’s at. A man with strong ties to his family of origin is more likely to be family-oriented.

I think that some women that post here don’t have a problem DISCERNING red flags. If you’re self-aware enough to make this post, OP, maybe you’re one of these people. They know something’s fucky when they see it... they know when a guy’s only half-interested... they are able to articulate the warning signs when they post here... But for whatever reason, instead of moving on, they try to ‘rationalize it away’. They convince themselves that he’ll figure out how to hold down a job any day now; or that if they put in enough effort and are sweet enough, they can lock down the guy that’s just looking for sex. Don’t do that. Follow through on your intuition.

When you encounter one of the guys above, remember to maintain an ‘abundance’ mindset. The right guy will bring just as much to the table, but without the red flags. Maybe he’s the very next guy you date. You are not passing up on the last good man on Earth. Do not invest more of your energy trying to ignore it or convince yourself it’s not a bad sign.

lilianavich · 2020-06-24T17:45:27+00:00

Red flags:

-If he's passive and lets you "come to him" with messages, texts, date planning, etc. You might think he's just easy-going, but there's a huge chance that a) he isn't that into you or b) he's a really passive guy. Next!

-Turns the conversation to sex regularly and explicitly - innuendo/flirtation is great, but if he's pushing boundaries early that is a super bad sign

-Pics on dating apps with lots of other girls - it's a strategy for guys to use in order to make women feel competitive/insecure. You can find dudes talking about it on the Tinder sub sometimes. It likely works, but do you want to date a guy who wants you to feel insecure? Next.

-No interests, hobbies or friends of his own... in the same vein, if he's always available to hang out

-Speaks of his family in super critical terms. Many of us have complicated relationships with our family, no judgement, but if he's comfortable openly shit-talking his family within the first few weeks that's a huge red flag to me

Green flags:

-He's somewhat reserved to start. I don't mean shy or quiet, I mean he doesn't share overly personal things right off the bat

-Speaks about past relationships in simple, vague, respectful terms if at all ("it didn't work out", "we just weren't right together", "it wasn't a good fit")

-I know this is kind of vague, but generosity of spirit. You know it when you see it.

janeaustenfan99 · 2020-06-25T08:51:29+00:00

Red flag - if it feels like work

Green flag - if it feels effortless

When he wants to be with you he’ll make it known. It won’t feel like guesswork and you’ll just know because he shows you with his actions and words.

teachmemasterP · 2020-06-24T22:16:00+00:00

Red flags - moving too fast - hurtful comments but with the excuse after of it was a joke or I'm so sorry - acting in the exact opposite way of how he is speaking e.g. saying 'I want to take things slow and not be in a relationship' but moving very fast and acting like you are in an Rship - putting you down on your likes and interests & being very self indulgent and narcissistic e.g. his music is the best - you feel confused and you have a off feeling about him, this one is kind of hard to identify but for example I had a guy who would really dig for me to open up and then insult me but then after compliment me a lot and apologise - weird - anyone who says they're not looking for anything serious - people who talk badly about their exes / talk badly about people in general - if they treat waiters/resses badly and other people out of your social circle /staff - someone who has a bad circle of friends and they seem to be the only good one, first of all they are guilty by association and second of all they will be the same as their friends eventually .. I feel like I could list red flags forever but ..

Green flags: - someone who is honest, does and says what they mean & their actions match their words - they are caring and considerate of everyone no matter position, race, gender, lgbtq+, ability etc & talk to everyone with the same level of respect - they respect themselves & they are willing to grow - they are open to learning and are able to be corrected - they can have discussions or debates without getting angry and can see other people's side - empathetic - same sex drive

RealJoeDee · 2020-06-24T17:48:37+00:00

I wondered if anyone has any tips for what red and green flags apply for the very early stages of dating men, especially as an aspiring RPW.

/u/pearlsandstilettos and I did a video on this a few weeks back:

https://youtu.be/Rg3I6mRlaY8

We talked about different "alpha" and "beta" qualities and traits guys have, and how to screen for them.

Captainsgirl · 2020-06-25T01:12:19+00:00

I think you've gotten some wonderful advice so far. These girls are ON IT. Lol I guess if I had to add any other advice, it is this, and others have touched on it but I want to make it explicit. Pay attention to the way he treats everyone, not just you. In the short term, he may want to impress you or make a good impression. That's fine, but you need to pay attention to the way he treats people he isn't trying to impress, and more importantly, people that he may have temporary "power" over (such as resteraunt servers and retail clerks, contractors on his property, et cetera.) My dad is as redpill as they come, but he adored me as his little girl (still does although I'm a grown married woman with 4 children) and I will never forget him telling me that anyone who is nice to me but not nice to the waitress is to be avoided. He's only being nice because he perceives that will get him what he wants. He also taught me that a man who only talks about your beauty or other aspects of the physical and does not want a conversation to go further than the very topical is only interested in your pretty face. Taking care of yourself and showing your feminity is important, but remember that your pretty face is fleeting to a man who is only interested in the physical. I'll be 40 next month, and although I take good care of myself, I doubt anyone would confuse me for 20. But my husband and I still have a complete love affair because we bring other things to the table than sheer youthful beauty. My mom is in her 60's, as is my dad, and he worships her even as a total alpha male, because while she still takes care of herself, she looks to be in her mid to late 40's, but she is also a sweet and steady partner who also knows when to speak up, a penultimate cook and housekeeper, and also keeps up on current events, reads extensively, has hobbies and girl friends, and is interesting and fun to talk to and hang out with. She is a boon to him. Be a boon to your man, but if he doesn't recognize that you are because he's too caught up in the physical, boy bye.

LateralThinker13 · 2020-06-26T15:56:42+00:00

I have a tendency when dating or speaking to someone to ignore various signs

This is why you need friends. Friends help us vet our dates, ESPECIALLY when we have love goggles on.

MilkiesMaximus · 2020-06-25T03:33:42+00:00

Any guy who says their ex was crazy is, in fact, the crazy one.

If they say they want something "consistent", "on going", but won't call it a relationship or girlfriend, then they just want a fuck toy.

emil_ · 2020-06-24T17:15:18+00:00

[deleted]

MJlove24 · 2020-06-25T08:26:19+00:00

Kcñcckcz is so

Mad_Finesse · 2020-06-25T08:36:06+00:00

Red Flags - he plays video games. - he watches Marvel/Superhero movies - he likes anything StarWars - a lot of tattoos and/or piercings. - has a job normally worked by women. - has a fedora hat. - any kind of sword or dagger on display - does not indicate violence but does indicate weirdness. - no fashion sense nor sense of style. Example: No sense of fashion/style - Owen Benjamin Sense of fashion/style - Gavin McInness - he's vegan - poor dental hygiene - victim mentality - blame shifting - minimizing - controlling behavior

Green Flags - a clean place - reasonable weight - financially reaponsible - keeps things light-hearted and fun

Title	Red and green flags
Author	feminineme1
Upvotes	39
Comments	42
Date	June 24, 2020 12:25 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/hf03k7/red_and_green_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/red-and-green-flags.699465 https://theredarchive.com/post/699465

Comments