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Friends hanging out with cheating ex - dropped them

Reddit View
July 21, 2020
148 upvotes

I had my fiance of 8 years cheat on me. I confided in two close mates, one where I was the best man and the other I have known for over 20 years (I call him my cousin, because our families are close).

When opening up to them they could see how badly the experience had fucked me up. They would say things like:

- what's wrong with this bitch?

- whatever you need I'm here for you

Etc.

Fast forward a few months, I find out they had been doing double dates and hanging out with her and the guy she's now seeing . Also found out that during the times me and the ex were fighting and I was out with the boys, she would message them to get an update on what I was doing.

For me I've always lived by the notion if you treat me good I'll treat you better but if you fuck me over I'll go scorched earth on you.

I have no problem dropping these guys, the experience has made me see who my close friends are and I now appreciate them more.

Today I had my mum ask why she hasn't seen my "cousin" around. I explained the situation to her she and she says I'm being unreasonable.

Just curious to get your thoughts, what would you have done in my situation? Would you have dropped these guys or continued to be close mates?


Post Information
Title Friends hanging out with cheating ex - dropped them
Author eatdiz135
Upvotes 148
Comments 72
Date 21 July 2020 12:49 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/716570
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/hv6rpe/friends_hanging_out_with_cheating_ex_dropped_them/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]RunawayGrain346 points347 points  (5 children) | Copy

They weren't your friends, they were her orbiters.

[–]Unlikely_Composer48 points49 points  (0 children) | Copy

This.

[–]_Icarus_Reborn_20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

/thread.

[–]Keith_Valentine2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

He said he knew the one guy over a decade before he met the ex.

[–]satellite7792 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Are you op?

[–]Keith_Valentine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nah my bad. Didnt even notice that typo

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]volvostupidshit13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pretty stupid indeed. Easily droppable.

[–]Psychological_Radish46 points47 points  (2 children) | Copy

The problem with having desperate Blue Pill/Beta friends is that oftentimes loyalty goes out the window when there's some pussy around, even if that pussy is your ex. They're in a scarcity mindset, they don't know many girls, and your ex just happens to be there.

[–]RevolutionaryPea74 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've had to learn this lesson myself recently. If your friends aren't red pilled, they aren't your friends. The moment they have to choose between you and pussy, they will choose pussy.

[–]spcparks49 points50 points  (3 children) | Copy

Bruh you ain’t being unreasonable at all. That shit is fucked up. You must be on the younger side. I’m assuming around 20-25?

Once you get over your 20s you realize that most friends were never your friends. They were just people who hung around you for what you offered them. You are lucky to have 1-2 real friends who would never pull shit like that.

Just be happy they showed their true colors and they would do it again in a heartbeat.

Drop em fast and work on yourself. Those chumps are the type to hold you back when you start succeeding in life

[–]teka76 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Turned 30 a few days ago, can confirm.

[–]eatdiz135[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

28 this year.

Back in my teens my old man told me, you only need one hand to count your true friends. Guess he was right.

[–]eatdiz135[S] 53 points54 points  (1 child) | Copy

Glad to see most of us are on the same page.

To me regardless of BP or RP it’s about respect and staying loyal to your friends. For all I care these guys are fucking snakes and they deserve each other.

Guess women wouldn’t understand cause even women hate women, go figure.

[–]halleluiaiaia929213 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

100% did the right thing man. Good job.

[–]FULLCAPSBRO25 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

There's something wrong with your mom, why the fuck would she say that.

Your friends violated you. Fuck 'em.

[–]Shieldless_One0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thats a typical women response though. No woman would want to lose orbiters so of course she would say those guys did nothing wrong.

[–]Tambamwham15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

You did the right thing. Welcome to the big leagues. Learning that no ones really gives a fuck about you, they only care about themselves, and you’re on your own in this world is one of the most important things you can learn. And you need to tell your mom that if she doesn’t really support you and care about your feelings then tell her maybe you two should take a step back as well.

[–]otamatonedeaf87 points88 points  (8 children) | Copy

And its normal for your mom to say your behavior is unreasonable. That's how you know you're doing the right thing. Moms are preprogrammed subconsciously to defend the bullshit sisterhood that is all females, some worse than others.

[–]spcparks68 points69 points  (2 children) | Copy

My mom would have told me to drop these fools and that they weren’t true friends. So no not all woman are like that. A good mom wants to protect her son from dipshits

[–]ieatsoggytoast19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. My mom went off at one of my HS gf when she drove over without permission after i cheated and dropped her. Moms are different than AWALT. Maternal instincts arent to be fucked with.

[–]otamatonedeaf4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

As I said, some worse than others. My mom will tell me to drop anyone like this as well. But if I say anything that implies that most women are vain, she will freak out and tell me I should marry a fat girl because they deserve love too, and I'm too old (32) for young fit women.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mothers have hamsters 🐹 too

[–]BlondeHornyElf1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

with my mom i think it's less about defending the sisterhood (tho i've seen her do that) and more about wanting social consensus to be maintained.

when she hears that you're dropping a childhood friend that she's known over the years she just wants everything to be smoothed over and evweryone to be hwappy

[–]badabing6540 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What if your mother says the opposite.

[–]mrrooftops0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OPs mom indoctrinated him his whole life to ignore the signs of her bad character YEARS before

[–]ThreeEyez11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

I had something similar like that happen. We aren’t friends anymore. Fuck those guys.

[–]SeasonedRP9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm surprised at your mom's comment. What they did isn't the kind of thing friends do to each other. You were right to drop them.

[–]Askmeiwontsaynot8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

What a bunch of bastards

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

Mannnnnnnn I went through the exact same thing literally a year ago. One of my best buddies in high school, who I also ended up rooming with throughout college, defended his friendship with my gf of 3 yrs after she cheated on me and said he still wanted to hangout with her.... they had no friendship prior to our relationship and only saw each other when i would bring my her around.

Blocked both of their numbers and haven't looked back.

[–]eatdiz135[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah it's fucked. My ex met these guys and their partners through me and same as you she would only make an appearance when I was there.

Some people just don't value friendship like us.

[–]BlondeHornyElf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm with you on this. I am loyal to my good friends and will tell them when I think they're doing something stupid if I have to.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Don't spend any time trying to rationalize their actions either as it will only aggravate you more. Block their numbers and move on.

I can tell you my quality of life has increased significantly since dropping that dude out of my life. Reflecting back on it, I realized he wasn't as good of a friend throughout the years as I thought he was. It was just a convenient friendship since we had basically grown up together then lived together in college.

[–]Elprez915 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ghost the lot of them brother

[–]mrbill12346 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't hang around people who are not a benefit to you, have your interests at heart, and make you want to be a better person.

[–]theguytheguy10005 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

beta males can't be trusted when it comes to matters of women.

straight up.

[–]FlyingPigs32106 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

My ex instantly started dating my best friend. They’re still together but since then I’ve added 10 pounds of muscle, became a bomb cook, travel and see a lot more of my friends, got a new job and make bank, bought a motorcycle, whitened my teeth and am fucking girls better. Hurt for a long time but then I realized I’m the winner so lol at her for grabbing on to a beta buck and lol at him for picking up my trash. Godspeed

[–]rpthrowaway11046 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah - to be honest if this doesn't indicate that your friends are inconsiderate, it certainly demonstrates their own lack of abundance and pedestalization of the pussy.

[–]Herdsengineers7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're right to drop them. They were spying on you for your cheating ex- for pete's sake. They don't deserve to even be told they're dropped. They aren't worth the courtesy.

You're mom's wrong, but don't bother arguing with her about it. Not worth it either. It's just one of those things that if she gets pushy in the future, just tell her you didn't invite her to have input into that decision to drop them, and you're still not, decision is made, and you don't have to justify yourself to her.

[–]eatdiz135[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I've ghosted them, not worth wasting anymore of my time.

[–]Kakashi_hatake7073 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You made the right decision.

As for your mother, I think she's in the wrong here, but I wouldn't bother arguing with her.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would. If not even family is on your side, why the fuck bother with them at all?

[–]DizzyDoomSlayer4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

These guys are like a tumor. Only solution is to cut them off.

[–]TBtgoat4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve always lived by that same code, however you treat me I will intensify it and reflect it back onto you. Treat me like a good friend, I’ll treat you like my family. Treat me like a bad friend, I’ll treat you like you’re dead.

Fuck those niggas, keep grinding and stay tunnel visioned on your goals.

[–]wanker71713 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have a similar story where the guy is an actual friend

Before I broke out of my BP stage I was dating this girl I thought I was in love with. She dumped me and that shit fucked me up for a long time. My close friends witnessed just how badly it affected me and tried their best to help me get my mind off her.

Fast forward five years to when I started reading TRP and I started realizing that I didn't give a fuck about her. She ended up reaching out to one of my mates on Bumble saying that it was always her fantasy to get fucked by him. Now this guy happens to be the first friend I've ever made as we met in kindergarten. He's the best ladies' man I know, is a personal trainer with his own gym, and was even asked to join the USA triathlon team. He shut her down immediately.

Did I ask him not to? No. Did I care if he fucked her? No. He did it because we're friends and the smallest chance of hurting me was too much of a risk for him. Hell he didn't even tell me he shut her down, I learned all about it from my ex because she angrily thought I was actively interfering. It was such a small thing but that's the mark of a true friend.

[–]BlondeHornyElf2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dude same thing happened to me earlier this year.

It was a girl I dated for 5 years. She cheats on me with a married co-worker friend of mine and tries to get me fired from my job by telling the department that I was "abusive". My friends also saw how much this fucked me up as well.

So time passes and one day my friend invites me to a party where she's there with her new boyfriend. I'm like wtf so I go talk to her. She tells me my friend suggested his friend to move into my ex's boyfriend's rental apartment. So without telling me anything he's building my ex girlfriend into his personal life.

When I confront him about it he acts dumb like he doesn't understand why that would upset me. When he asks me what he can do I say he can apologize and promise not to do this kind of thing going forward. He says he did nothing wrong and that he'll "pray for me".

So I freak out and demand that he meets me in person to discuss this because we've been close friends for 20 years (since highschool). He basically avoids me for two months and then when I finally see him he gives me a bunch of excuses and says his other friend was giving him shit for something similar.

I part amicably with him but I realized I can't trust this guy. This wasn't just some girl that I was hanging out with that I introduced to my friends. This was a girl I invested in and got burned hard despite being an overall decent guy. There's just no way I can see her around and be neutral about it, whether I'm seeing someone new or not. And my friend doesn't seem to understand that somehow even though we're in our 30s. He certainly doesn't invite his own ex-gfs to events.

I was really disappointed but I'm just phasing this guy out now. I'm really amazed that a grown man would disrespect a childhood friend that would care about him until the end. But ya, for a blue-piller a bit of attention from a woman is a huge success and can't be passed up, even if it's your best friend's cheating whore of an ex-girlfriend.

Funny enough when I mentioned it to my Mom she also said I was over-reacting at first. Sorry Mom, I expect a little more than that from my closest friends.

[–]eatdiz135[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah 100% man I don’t want anything to do with my ex. Part of the reason why I dropped these guys.

They see us in pain and suffering yet choose to still hang out with the person that caused it all. These sort of people are trash and we don’t need them.

It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing the majority of people wouldn’t do the same shit for us and have our backs.

[–]BlondeHornyElf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have some mutual friends with my ex who knew her before her and I got involved, and I stayed neutral with them and they know to just not tell her shit or bring her around me. They knew her first so I don't think it's fair that I mess with that. But my close childhood buddies who wouldn't have met her if I didn't introduce them? Iunno I took that as disrespect and crossing boundaries.

When my friend's gf left him when his father died she was basically dead to me in that instant. I don't hate her or anything but I don't see any reason to mess with a bro's feelings when it cuts that deep.

[–]Beginning-Ninja2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good on you. This is extremely hard to do. Most will leave it alone like a hanging band-aid.

[–]Snowaey2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your mom is saying you're unreasonable for that???

Jesus christ

[–]haasteagle1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nah fuck 'em. You made the right call.

[–]bottled_butts1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Friends are future enemies.

[–]agjrpsl1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Never trust anyone.

[–]cracksniffer6661 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeahhhh, sounds like thirsty little fuckers that were just waiting to pounce on her whenever you fucked up.

Bottomfeeding orbiters, not friends.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The biggest problem I see in this is that your mom is not loyal to you. She sides with your cheating ex and with your 'friends'.

Regarding your 'friends', fuck em.

[–]MerryVegetableGarden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The same.

[–]eatdiz135[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Could also be that she was fairly close with my ex as well. But fuck that shit pissed me off hearing from my own mother it was unreasonable doing what I did.

[–]Bakari70 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Trust is huge. There is probably some secret jealousy there dropping them was the right decision.

[–]BlondeHornyElf0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

bitter envy and resentment from weak men is more common than ppl think imo..

i also think even dudes with success and money can carry this inner hatred becuz they've never known a woman's natural love and affection without it

[–]Bakari70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed, I have experienced too many times. Women naturally gravitate towards my personality. I learned this lesson at 12 years old. This is why you keep your eyes open. When someone shows you who they are believe them.

[–]spartan_samurai0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In life you realize that some friends are rats and as soon as you find those rats stop spending time with them.

[–]QueenSlapFight-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

A man doesn't get emotional and drop his friends at the drop of a hat. However a man should be decisive and able to make hard decisions based on the reality of a situation.

If the rolls were reversed, how do you think you would have to feel about your friend to betray him like they have betrayed you? Could you do that to a person you're "close" with?

So while I'm sure you feel angry, is your decision being made by that anger, or is it your rational evaluation of what's happen, how you've been treated, and what it means? Base your decision on your values, not how upset you may be.

If it's any help if I were in your shoes I would no longer be friends with those men. I know it would upset me to be treated that way, but beyond that, it shows they have no real loyalty to you, and your "bond" is only as far as it benefits them. There are plenty of men out there who share your values and would deserve your loyalty. You will grow new friendships with people who deserve your friendship. These chuckle fucks are spitting in your face. You should not give a fuck because they've shown that they are beneath you, but you also should not associate with them anymore as they are shallow snakes that act like women.

Sorry you've been betrayed so much lately. You should evaluate why you seem to be surrounded by people who will discard you on a whim. I fear you may be attracted to or relate to the wrong type of people, and may experience this again in the future if you don't determine why it seems to be a common theme in your life.

[–]eatdiz135[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're right. Over the years I have recognised I have somewhat of a superhero complex, always wanting to help others.

I would always make excuses for shitty but I'm fucking done with that. It's sad to kill off that piece of me but it beats being disrespected and disappointed.

These days if people don't reciprocate, then I'm out.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

You cant control who your friends see or associate with and nor should you care or try to. I have friends who hang out with people I dont like or respect but I cant give a friend an ultimatum "them or me"

While it is a kick in the guts and you will feel betrayed its not something you can control especially when these guys probably knew this girl for 8 years. Just let these guys know how you feel disrespected and keep them at an arms length for a while. Hang out with other people who will respect your feelings more if you can. I would probably feel the same way if my friends did that.

[–]BlondeHornyElf1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'd say keep them around if they're useful. But don't keep them as close.

Among my close circle of friends I would never accept this. As far as I'm concerned, their ex-LTRs are their business. Girls that get passed around or hang out with the gang are a different thing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's the thing, it's really hard to comment on the relationship with all these people. I personally am not that close with any of my friends partners. I would say hello if we crossed paths and that would be all.

Things like this can get messy when you've been together for 8 years.

[–]eatdiz135[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Similar to you I'm not close with any of my friends ex LTRS and I don't make an effort to befriend them. I'll bump into these girls from time to time and say hi/bye out of being polite.

I've also had girls that cheated on my mates. These bitches belong to the streets. Recently a girl that cheated on my mate replied to my IG story, totally forgot she was following me - blocked her and let my mate know. Didn't have to think twice about it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's the thing, it's really hard to comment on the relationship with all these people. I personally am not that close with any of my friends partners. I would say hello if we crossed paths and that would be all.

Things like this can get messy when you've been together for 8 years.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's the thing, it's really hard to comment on the relationship with all these people. I personally am not that close with any of my friends partners. I would say hello if we crossed paths and that would be all.

Things like this can get messy when you've been together for 8 years.



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