UPDATE: I followed y’all’s advice. Kept it brief, took no shit, and broke up with him over the phone. I feel a little sad but mostly relieved.

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I’ve been dating what has seemed to be a LVM disguised as a HVM for a couple months.

At first, the guy ticked a lot of my boxes. He was very interested in my life, career, dreams, values, etc and echoed many of them himself. He’d been using this quarantine time to really build up his business and appeared to be quite stable. He does a lot of thoughtful things and always offering to extend a helping hand (like moving something heavy, cleaning up from dinner, running to the store for me, etc) without me even asking. Sex life? Best I ever had. I always orgasm, it’s very fun, and I’m actually wanting to initiate daily for the first time ever. On top of all that, he practically worships the ground I walk on and it’s always telling me wonderful things.

Sounds good, right? That’s what I thought.

Turns out, dude is not financially stable AT ALL. His “business” he’s had for supposedly a decade is a complete joke. He’s apparently borrowed money to pay for some of our dates, and regularly borrows money for his own financial fuck ups. He’s even making close to what I make with his extra unemployment, has FAR fewer bills than me, and is still living paycheck to paycheck/maxing out his cards.

He talks about his company like its super successful and he literally makes 0 dollars. The delusion of his success is worrisome.

He’s emotionally unstable as hell. The smallest inconvenience is enough to just set him off. We’re talking entire meltdowns over spilled milk. Like what is he like when there’s a real problem?

He gets anxious about things that are just normal life. He needed his mom for support to get a money order because he was scared to go to the bank and do it. He can’t call to order take out or set up doctors appointments.

He’s insecure as fuck and it’s very annoying to me. Always in a huff if someone looks at me in public and brings up fear of me cheating multiple times a day. (I’ve never cheated or come close to it in my life, in fact I seriously hate most men and am immediately offended any time someone talks to or comes up to me in that way).

Basically I’m with someone I thought was great but is actually a man child. I know leaving would crush him, but I’m done trying to fix up someone to get them to where I’m at. I’m financially stable as heck- career is fantastic, have solid relationships with friends and family, eat well and take care of myself entirely, can handle life’s problems without losing my shit, and am honestly quite empathetic, low drama, fun to be around. I feel like a catch and he knows that and loves me for it.

I’ve reached a point where I just find him annoying most of the time. I could break up with him and give him a laundry list of reasons why, but I don’t know if that’s necessary and it would honestly feel mean to do so. I don’t like the notion of telling people that they are “wrong” the way they are, but I don’t know how to say “this shit ain’t for me bro” without making him feel like he’s a piece of shit.

It’d be easier if I thought he was a bad person, but I don’t think he is at all. He’s always been kind and loving to me, I just think I should be with someone kind and loving that brings at least the same value that I do to the table. He just simply doesn’t.

Any words of advice or perspectives are appreciated.