How do you help yourself not feel insecure when you are around women who are visibly better looking than you are?

LateralThinker13 · 2020-07-30T14:29:28+00:00

Jordan B. Peterson: "Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to you, yesterday."

Each of us has a scale to improve upon. Measure yourself against your own past efforts, not the efforts of others. There will always be prettier - and uglier - people out there than you. Measure where you're at by looking at how far you've come against your previous efforts.

Pezotecom · 2020-07-30T14:39:00+00:00

I have a 'beauty standard' for myself, and I try to achieve that. I didn't prefer my old self, and anyone telling me to 'accept myself' was just idiotic.

I want to look better, so I went to the gym, used skin products, took care of my hair. Now I look in the mirror and I say 'damn I'm hot'. Some people will be hotter than me, and that's ok. I don't want to be like them, I want to be the best version of myself.

jellysmoker · 2020-07-30T13:48:59+00:00

Hey. Your feelings are definitely normal, and its super hard to control.

What you need to keep in mind is that looks aren't everything, or even remotely the most important quality in a woman. Let me give you an example-

I knew this girl who was 10/10, breathtakingly beautiful, men lusted after her all the time. But she was a mess. She never had an education or career, never had any savings(she would instantly spend everything on fancy clothing, hair/nail salons).

She had a long term boyfriend who she's been with more than 7 years, who took care of her, but never wanted to marry her- because she cheated once+ isn't financially reliable and self sufficient.

You don't have to be as pretty as some women, because beauty is for the most part not under your control. What you can do is focus on the important- The strength and kindness of your character, your personal development, whatever makes you go"Wow!" if you find that in another woman.

These things don't leave you, but beauty will eventually.

fairydust91 · 2020-07-30T14:27:40+00:00

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BlueBubbleGame · 2020-07-30T14:11:15+00:00

There will always be someone better looking, smarter, funnier, richer, etc than you. Having said that, you are prettier, smarter, funnier, and richer than millions of other people!

Why compare yourself to this one lady who is prettier and ignore the tons of people who are not?

saint-jezebel · 2020-07-30T14:33:07+00:00

The first this I would tell you is to stop comparing yourself to others. It will drive you crazy every single time. Instead, think of what you see on this person and think of positive ways you can improve yourself. Sound weird right? Its not that you think more highly of the other, its that you dont think highly of yourself, so you think the other person looks/appears better when really its a quality or "something" you are looking for. My sister and a coworker have similar hairstyles right now. I also think both are very pretty. But its something about the hairstyle that I love, how it frames their faces and makes them look. So what did I do? I just got my hair done the same way yesterday, but my own way. I hope I am making this point correctly. At times, we need to emulate what we see, in order to get the feeling we want or recognize the feeling we dont want but thought we did.

If you feel like an imposter, you will forever feel that way unless you stop thinking you are. Instead, think of yourself as boring and try to be unboring. Sounds silly, but tell some crop tops that recently made me unboring that.

You have to make time for yourself to think more positively about yourself. If makeup makes you feel like a bandaid, you dont think highly of yourself at all. You have to talk to yourself better. Most women walking around aren't 10's and some that are have had work done or wearing tons of makeup. Exceptions to rules arent often and sometimes dont even start out as exceptions. There is more to you than how you look; add in your voice, manners, composure, intellect... and yes, you may not be the most beautiful, but you will hold the most attention.

tofurainbowgarden · 2020-07-30T14:22:54+00:00

Because beauty is subjective. You may not think you are more beautiful than that woman but someone else may think you are. At least that's how I look at it 🙂

sivisamarii · 2020-07-30T16:08:52+00:00

There’s this line I heard once that I‘ve used ever since when I feel this way: “I may not be the prettiest one, but I’ll always be the beautiful one.”

Knowing the difference is where true confidence in your physical (and internal) virtues comes from.

guynpdx · 2020-07-30T15:38:07+00:00

Remind yourself that your looks just get you in the door. But it takes more than looks to get a seat at the table.

princessinvestigator · 2020-07-30T16:01:12+00:00

You really just have to get to a point where you’re happy with yourself. Keep in shape, and find the right hair and skin products. I would really recommend visiting r/Kibbe and taking the test to find your body type and follow those recommendations for dressing, hair, and makeup.

rft24 · 2020-07-30T16:08:51+00:00

by accepting that, in my mind, i am the most beautiful woman no matter who’s around. beauty is subjective anyway, there’s always going to be someone who’s prettier than you in someone else’s opinion; so just make your opinion of your own beauty so good that nobody else’s makes you feel insecure. i think everyone should feel like the most attractive person in their mind.

i see beautiful women all the time, & i don’t feel insecure b/c i don’t allow myself to feel like their beauty takes away from my own. i know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t be too hard on yourself about your looks. remember that nobody else’s beauty takes away from your own, their beauty doesn’t make you any less beautiful.

CuppyBees · 2020-07-30T18:37:33+00:00

How many different colors/types of flowers do you see everywhere? What about different times of day? (Sunset, sunrise, night sky) they're all still beautiful, just different. Just because someone is beautiful doesn't mean that you're not, it just means that you two look different. On top of that, beauty really doesn't matter lol. I like feeling beautiful, I think all girls do, but we can't change our genes, so besides taking care of your body and keeping clean, dressed for the occasion, etc etc. there's nothing more we can really do.

I used to be very aware of people who I thought were more attractive than me, my SIL is ridiculously beautiful, I'd say flawless, and it used to make me feel really self conscious when I was around her. But I realized I was the only person in the room judging our appearances, no one else cared, they just liked me as a person. Our friends and family don't (or shouldn't) care if we're attractive, your partner is with you because he finds you beautiful, but also probably because he finds your personality endearing and enjoys you as a whole, not just your face. Everyone gets wrinkly and sort of goofy looking eventually anyways. I'd tell your friend how beautiful you think she is though! My SIL certainly didn't think she was as pretty as I thought she was, seems like none of us ever do. But we should start.

Own-Grapefruit7309 · 2020-07-30T21:09:44+00:00

Try to appreciate her beauty rather than project negative feelings on to yourself. We can celebrate other women’s beauty and be happy for them that they were blessed with a nice little nose, or a smooth cellulite free body! Them being beautiful doesn’t take any thing away from our lives and looking at the world through a lens of appreciation rather than a lens of negativity will help you radiate with joy inside and out! Xo

melitele3 · 2020-07-30T16:02:46+00:00

This is such a tricky response to write... I really hope I don’t come off as arrogant!

It isn’t very often when I am surrounded by women who are visibly better looking than I am ... BUT HEAR ME OUT... there are couple of reasons for that... Firstly I was always a person who was very focused on my own appearance and lately after battling some depression I finally started implementing the regimens, workouts and things I have learnt about beauty. Even doing very simple, inexpensive and not time consuming regimen already puts you in good position because unfortunately not many women pay attention to their appearance nowadays. So just doing things consistently, learning about your color palette, choosing right haircut and color, improving makeup and dressing accordingly to body type combined with healthy diet, exercise and simple regimen puts you up there. And secondly even if I see attractive women around me... who is to say who is more beautiful? It would be like comparing pizza with x flavor to pizza with y flavor... everyone has their own preference! Some will rave about deliciousness of the x pizza and some will totally overlook it and admire pizza y. Once you take care of yourself (even reasonably) you are just one flavor of many.

Second of all, when I do see a very attractive woman in my presence (but it is usually online) I get extremely motivated. I never compare myself to her. I look at her and note in my head: what is it about her that is special, magnetic, beautiful? I always use women like these for my inspiration. I watch their interviews and videos and they give me so much power! I think: wow time to go workout or ... I create mood boards with outfits or makeup they wear and get inspired.

I think it all starts from within. If you have subconscious issues, insecurities then you will have rather negative reaction to spending time in presence of beautiful women but if you have peace inside of you and you are mentally healthy you will love that company! I always love beautiful women, especially ones that have some interesting things to say, they inspire me like no one else :)

AdoniYo · 2020-07-31T00:48:05+00:00

Just remember that we are all ugly to someone! ...and we get old at some point our look fades away! The lady you described is not exceptional to this rule. I choose to love myself and live today!

kafka123 · 2020-08-01T01:18:39+00:00

Remind yourself that these people are not alternative versions of you, they are someone else. Remind yourself than more than one woman, man and so on can be pretty at once, including yourself.

You may not be physically attracted to women, and may even be jealous of men, but if you know enough about them to find them attractive, then focus on that rather than what it says about yourself.

It is not a competition and we (hopefully) no longer live in a world where expression attraction to the same sex gets us in trouble.

However, this is something to think about in other spheres of life, too. Instead of focusing on people who are more successful than you, think about the times you've felt a great sense of accomplishment and wanted to praise other people.

Think about the times when you didn't care about what it said about you because it wasn't your goal; the time you praised your favourite singer for their music, a scientist at Nasa or a doctor fighting against cancer making a breakthrough, and so on.

no_i_am_gonnal_eave · 2020-07-30T20:14:29+00:00

Our society tells us that as women the most valuable thing about us is our looks. Uh hello that's bullshit.

Title	How do you help yourself not feel insecure when you are around women who are visibly better looking than you are?
Author	herebci
Upvotes	67
Comments	23
Date	July 30, 2020 1:31 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/i0m308/how_do_you_help_yourself_not_feel_insecure_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-you-help-yourself-not-feel-insecure-when.719151 https://theredarchive.com/post/719151

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