How does one stay unbothered, through the catching of feels?

MakeURegret · 2020-08-02T13:24:03+00:00

For me the answer to this has been to level up.

I noticed the guys I got hung up on generally had something in their life I envied and thought I could get through them. Examples include: living in a better neighborhood, higher salary, dream job, better car, emotional support, etc.

While it’s technically true that if I dated them I would then have access to those things it is completely dependent on dating them.

In working to make my life 100% on my own I’ve noticed I don’t fall as easily because I now worry about them detracting from life.

Another good thing to keep up is multi-dating.

Another good thing is to save them in your phone as not their name instead of “john” it’s “mediocre first date.” Think the handbook has a lot of other good suggestions as another queen in the comments has already pointed out.

Good luck! Feelings are fun but we can control them.

eveninghope · 2020-08-02T13:08:50+00:00

I still do this and I'm 33. But at this point, I've been in so many relationships I can tell that it's just temporary. I remind myself that this guy ain't shit and just give it a couple months and my brain chemistry will settle down back to normal. I make the analogy of an addict getting over an addiction - because really it is. So you just take every moment individually and be reflective on your actions. Do you actually want to watch his stupid show or do you have something else to do? Realistically, relationships fail. Realistically, dude's not even sure what he wants for lunch, much less whether he's going to propose to you. Also, repeat this to yourself: he is not thinking about you as much as you are thinking about him. Our brains are literally made to grow receptors for these hormones (i.e. dopamine, oxytocin, etc.), so any time there's a stimulus for your brain to produce them, it just becomes obsessed. Also remember that if you fuck him, it'll put all these hormone production into overdrive, then you're trapped.

redbirdflies · 2020-08-02T13:00:24+00:00

Read the handbook in its entirety, in this situation, particularly the “psychological strategies”section

Milobear27 · 2020-08-02T16:09:30+00:00

There will always be another man 🤷🏽‍♀️ No matter a woman’s age, there is always men sniffing around. Even if it doesn’t work out, life ALWAYS goes on. No need to get hung up on one.

throwawaynevermindit · 2020-08-02T18:42:03+00:00

The biggest tip I have is to just... not exaggerate the significance of the feelings/of "catching feels." Including if you sleep with the guy sooner than was wise for you and that triggers you. It's just infatuation, which is a chemical response. It's not deep. They won't derail you if you don't let them (ie, convince yourself it's love or the mistake is big and irreparable, start dabbling in sunk cost fallacy and keep feeding it). Even if you let them derail you for a minute, you can always choose to detox the next.

I think a lot of the women on this sub will find this an odd metaphor, but infatuation gone wrong reminds me of the unpleasant moments of an acid trip. Is it fun? Naw. But all you have to do is sit tight and let it pass, the effect WILL wear off if you remove the stimulus and allow your body to purge the residuals.

tellmesomething11 · 2020-08-02T17:24:10+00:00

By becoming more confident with yourself. Work out, self care, have a hobby you enjoy, build friendships, strengthen family ties, become devoted to God/earth/spirituality. This helps you strengthen your character. That way, when you meet someone and they are adding to your life, your life is already full and satisfied. No need to cling or become insecure because they are merely an addition. Enjoy the time. If you find yourself becoming insecure, lean into the feeling and find out why. Don’t operate from a scarcity mindset. If he’s for you, he will not make you feel unwanted or insecure.

jayda92 · 2020-08-02T15:26:44+00:00

Keep a scrotation. I have the same damn thing and keeping a scrotation landed me a HVM ♥️

Allaboutb1 · 2020-08-02T13:00:28+00:00

This is what I need help with as well. I don’t care about blocking the ones I don’t like. The problem is the ones I do like. I have a lot of work to do.

AfraidofFollowers · 2020-08-02T16:47:19+00:00

Better than me. When I start getting the feels and I start thinking that they could be into human trafficking, they will stalk me, they will rape me, they will cheat on me. They never wait for my guard to go down either. So I’m happy single and not mentally ravaged.

I also only give them a google voice number.

LunaValley · 2020-08-02T15:44:12+00:00

I’m guilty of the same thing. Don’t be too hard on yourself! ❤️

Heyyitslena · 2020-08-02T21:22:19+00:00

This is exactly how I feel, thank you for posting this. What I saw in my last relationship was obsess over how interested he seemed to be especially in the beginning. I really struggled to not freak out if he didnt feel interested. It's really scary and hard for me to balance caring enough to pursue a relationship with someone and caring too much and then letting myself get attached to someone who ends up hurting me.

This sub will definitely be a tool I utilize if I ever start dating again!!

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-08-03T01:38:21+00:00

Remember you are in control of what happens in this situation. Meaning, you get to accept what you will and will not tolerate from this guy. Men are guilty of being LVM until proven "innocent" through FDS vetting-- read the other comments for examples. One date and you saw a mere section of the surface with this man. Read PUA techniques. Remember many of them purposely manipulate and only contact when their roster of other women is empty.

powerline2500 · 2020-08-02T12:59:28+00:00

Get a therapist. Work on yourself first. Then date.

yggiwtmiih · 2020-08-03T02:31:52+00:00

Sheraseven1 is great, and this video covers what you're asking. I don't personally think I'll ever enter the sort of dynamics she promotes, but understanding the underlying ideology is super empowering to me. I love her videos and watch them just to keep my standards high and healthy boundaries for myself strong. I highly recommend her videos.

Title	How does one stay unbothered, through the catching of feels?
Author	spacecunny
Upvotes	123
Comments	22
Date	August 2, 2020 12:52 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i2bk7g/how_does_one_stay_unbothered_through_the_catching/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-does-one-stay-unbothered-through-the-catching.720469 https://theredarchive.com/post/720469

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