Why is it that it’s always typically brides-to-be who care so much about their weddings and not grooms-to-be?

Dorkamus_Rex · 2020-12-26T18:06:20+00:00

A lot of it is pop culture, yes. In the '90s, FRIENDS was probably a mega cultural influence on a lot of millennial men and women, whether they realize it or not.

Chandler is painted as an inept husband who can't do anything right, while Monica is the organizer who has had her wedding planned out from age 5. And of course, those stereotypes that rose to such prominence in the '90s are influenced by the classic sitcoms before them. The Honeymooners, I Love Lucy, they all have inept men who are only good at their jobs, not their home lives.

BaffledBazaar · 2020-12-26T18:30:34+00:00

Because wedding planning is stressful and they have an easy cop-out and culture allows them to not care. LVM: Haha, im so bad at planning haha since the day is so important to you I'll stay out of it haha just tell me where to be on the day of haha

I'll never forget when the best man and groom at my friend's wedding texted the maid of honour an hour before the wedding, asking if they should be getting ready or something 🙄 keep in mind, we had been up since early morning at the salon getting our hair and make-up ready

Peggy- · 2020-12-26T20:35:48+00:00

Women are allowed to live out their princess fantasies for a day so they commit to decades of domestic servitude. 💅

fancypantsdance92 · 2020-12-27T01:03:56+00:00

I used to be a wedding planner. I would see some men get involved a little and contribute to the things they wanted a say in (mostly food, drink). I did experience the odd groomzilla and every time I did, they were 100 times worse than the women. Controlling, nasty, angry, petty and unreasonable. The steaks cooked for 80 guests weren't all perfectly medium rare? Our chefs were badly trained. Our cheapest function space couldn't seat 150 people comfortably? My fault. I should accommodate seeing as this man was spending a fOrTuNe on the day (this particular wedding was a budget wedding for that size at an alarming $AUD12,000). I've also had men who've organised other events with me need pure babysitting. I'm talking calls at 6am in the morning to ask stupid questions about accommodation rather than heading over to reception who could provide better answers.

I think women are just better organised because we are socialised to be this way. We have also been socialised to be nicer. I'd rather deal with a bridezilla than a groomzilla any day. Most of the time they're not even being "bridezillas", they're just being firm in what they want. That term in and of itself is sexist as hell and a total farce.

squaremarshmallow · 2020-12-26T17:55:57+00:00

It's LVM that do this. I've seen many hvm getting married and they don't act aloof at all, they are very involved.

TheSuspiciousChard · 2020-12-26T20:25:26+00:00

Ive never even wanted a wedding let alone a big wedding. Just the THOUGHT of The perfect dress and flowers and invitations give me anxiety. If there was a man worthy of it (doesn’t seem like it, I’ve turned down multiple LVM) then I’d want a small vacation and a large downpayment on a larger house. I’d rather buy a million+ dollar house than a several thousand dollar ring. While I like some jewelry a big rock on an expensive ring gives me anxiety too.

ladylabrys · 2020-12-27T03:52:33+00:00

Covertly and overtly, girls get told their whole lives by media, entertainment, family, friends, etc. that the most important thing they can possibly be is married. It comes before anything else. You can have a career, but you also gotta be married. You can have kids, but married. You can not have kids, but you have to be married. Like moving out of your parents place or getting a job, you aren't really considered an adult until you are married.

Of course women want the day to be perfect, all their self worth is riding on it. I think, subconsciously, they know that their relationship will probably only get worse from there. Most men stop trying and begin treating their wives like bangmaids after marriage. So if they have a shitty wedding, they don't even have a relationship peak.

2020-12-26T19:50:41+00:00

You answered your own question.

2020-12-27T11:43:05+00:00

Everyone who wants a wedding expects to have a nice wedding, with every detail planned and executed to perfection according to their own and their partner's tastes. But to pull that off is a lot of work aaaand... it's women's work. Women know that if they want a nice wedding they have to do all the work, and men know that if they want a nice wedding their fiance will pick up all their slack.

Men are so comfortable in the expectation that they'll have a nice wedding (and a nice marriage and a nice family with kids) as a result of women's labor, that they don't even bother to consider whether or not they WANT these things to begin with. Ask a man if he wants a nice wedding, to get married, or have kids, and he's all "IDK, whatever happens happens". But the thing is - yes, he wants all those things. They're rewards that men gain by virtue of being men, and NOT for doing anything to earn them. So they mistake "wanting" those rewards for "expecting" them. And then because women expect (but by no means want) to pick up men's slack, we do all the work and men get the rewards they haven't earned.

fairywakes · 2020-12-27T06:57:36+00:00

I think it’s because women are intensely socialized from day 1 to believe that their wedding day is the mOsT iMpOrTaNt DaY of their lives, right next to the day they procreate.

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2020-12-26T21:43:25+00:00

Culture probably plays a part. I got endlessly harassed by relatives planning mine. If I could have hit the easy button, I would have.

veruscka · 2020-12-27T00:19:12+00:00

It’s a transaction... they get to be a pampered, fawned upon bride for one day in exchange for decades of being a wife and possibly mother. If there were more cultural respect for wives/mothers, there would be no need for the fantasy bridal pageantry stuff.

Villanelloh · 2020-12-26T23:35:19+00:00

That's a good point. I hate all the men on that stupid show Don't Tell The Bride for not taking wedding planning seriously and treating it as a joke. I know it's played up for television but most of them genuinely don't care about what their bride want.

Title	Why is it that it’s always typically brides-to-be who care so much about their weddings and not grooms-to-be?
Author	jgtjc
Upvotes	185
Comments	33
Date	December 26, 2020 4:59 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kklpe0/why_is_it_that_its_always_typically_bridestobe/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-is-it-that-its-always-typically-brides-to-be.737906 https://theredarchive.com/post/737906

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