Prenup?

girlwithabike · 2018-01-08T23:14:52+00:00

I think that if you intend to marry for a lifetime, then it doesn't really matter if you have a prenup or not - so why not have one if it's important to him. I don't have one because we both came into the marriage with more debt than assets (yay for student loans!). However if that was not the case and it eased my husbands mind, it doesn't really bother me.

But I think you are really putting the cart before the horse on this one. Perhaps people will disagree with me, but it seems to me that you should have a guy and see what his feelings are (and his financial situation - prenups deal with assets that you are bringing into the marriage and you have to be looking for a man quite a few years older than you before it becomes typical that he'll have enough assets to warrant a prenup).

To my mind it's insurance. If you aren't gold digging or planning to leave him, then I'd vote to allow him the insurance if he wants it. If you are worried about him leaving you and leaving you high and dry then discuss that and work it into the prenup. I don't believe they are boiler plate things and you can discuss what makes sense for both of you as a couple.

Hartley7 · 2018-01-09T01:35:12+00:00

A pre nup should not leave you penniless in the event of a divorce.

When a woman is presented with a prenup, she needs to make sure that she finds her own lawyer who will review the document. She also needs to negotiate for more money if possible. Prenups aren't meant to be ironclad; they are often revised a few times especially after marriage when they become post nups.

We had nothing when we got married seven years ago. We have more assets now but my husband has not mentioned a post nup.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-01-10T16:10:11+00:00

A prenup is an agreement depending on scenarios.

Just don’t agree to a prenup where you would get nothing if he leaves you for no reason. Make it so you only get nothing if you leave him or something along those lines.

If you don’t think the relationship will last for your lifetime, don’t marry the man. Prenups only matter if the marriage ends. If it doesn’t, it’s no more than a piece of paper.

durtyknees · 2018-01-08T22:39:58+00:00

When I married my husband, we agreed if this marriage didn't work out, we'd either have to plot murder or duel to the death.

If you have to kill your spouse to get rid of them (if "until death do us part" is spoken honestly during marriage vows), you're much more motivated to work through whatever problems you might have, because it would be trivial in comparison to murder.

While planning for a divorce as a potential outcome may be logical, it's also illogical to marry someone who doesn't take marriage vows seriously.

And that's my opinion (not advice) about prenups.

Also, prenups aren't legal failsafes to protect your assets. Depending on the circumstances, a court may overrule or overturn your prenup.

parralelpancake · 2018-01-09T01:11:37+00:00

you don't need to worry about the work experience thing, its perfectly normal to say "i was raising kids" and employers will understand that

this is also a great way to let them know "i am done raising kids" which means they won't have you disappearing on paid leave or getting pregnant which is a huge plus to employers

can't help with the other half though

party_dragon · 2018-01-10T08:31:39+00:00

Sign a prenup regarding your current situation (e.g. unequal assets, both employed with unequal salaries). Later, if the two of you decide to live a different life (e.g. you staying at home, for the benefit of both of you and your children), you can always renegotiate the terms and sign a post-nup to make sure you’re still protected.

TradJenna · 2018-01-11T03:53:21+00:00

A prenup is okay with me because I’m never divorcing my husband. I would only marry a reasonable man as well, so if he expects me to stop working, I’d need some reassurances.

Yes going to do things on the side to generate income but if it becomes a full time job then I can’t take care of him the way I want.

I know my words can come across hard at times, it’s just because red pill doesn’t mean doormat. Soft - yes, he has the final word - yes. But up front, there must be some boundaries set,

Travis2310 · 2018-01-12T16:21:57+00:00

Prenups should be mandatory for all marriages. Make sure a prenup you get has provisions in place for yourself (that is also FAIR to the man) just in case you are a stay at home mom who gets divorced

YakCat · 2018-01-09T12:40:16+00:00

I wanted a prenup. I worked as a divorce mediator while in uni and I was amazed at the things that come up. I married a younger man who made a lot more money then I did and I wanted to make sure we agreed on things like paying for private school for the children and ensuring that I would get certain assets if we divorced to take care of the kids as we both didn’t want me working till they were 6 (though we’re both at home now). Remember, a marriage is a financial agreement along with a love one. My thought process was if we can’t agree on big things when we’re madly in love and getting along great then if we were going through a divorce it would be difficult. For the record, he did not want one and yet he had a lot more then me. He compromised.

We’ve been together 10 years, married 8, and are pregnant. He makes significantly more money then he did when we were first engaged and we both work from home. We haven’t touched the prenup at all and there’s not really a reason for a post nup. I’m still glad we did it as it put us on the same financial page but now there are lawyers and assets and our life is spread out between 3 states and 2 countries. Life got way more complicated (and fun) then we thought 8 years ago. Many things in the prenup would now be invalid but it doesn’t matter. We’ve had stresses that break people (death of a child, he was in a chair) and we’re more solid then ever.

As far as returning to work after children, that’s a pretty normal thing to happen. Keep yourself educated and constantly learning to build your resume. Learn a language, organize a charity event, take online courses for free through Udemy or other places, and just in general keep being an interesting person. Staying at home with kids is exhausting but it’s not intellectually stimulating. Keep yourself current and you’ll keep your resume current.

courtesy_flush_plz · 2018-01-10T00:20:05+00:00

yes so why are we discussing/hold relevance to things so far in the past? shouldnt we be about adapting to our surroundings/how things are nowadays?

time is very valuable and I feel like the past is irrelevant now that technology has shaped so much of our everyday lives, it is obsolete to spend time, energy & resources learning about how things were

OwnedAndLoveIt · 2018-01-10T02:48:09+00:00

Prenups are trash and can be thrown out in court easily. Especially in a long term marriage or a children situation. Any man who depends on it is not basing his expectations in reality.

Aragorns-Wifey · 2018-01-09T04:46:04+00:00

I guess you could write in your prenup that you get so much for so many years while you update your job skills, train, or take a lower paying job as you seek to establish yourself.

TheLaughingRhino · 2018-01-10T06:14:03+00:00

Some thoughts

A) I believe every married woman should have a functional career. While they might meet a "Captain" who can financially provide, the question persists. What if he dies?

I recognize that it's likely I've seen more death in my life and career than most people here, but life is very cheap and it's very fragile. You can't live in fear, but you can't wake up each day and assume the life as you knew it will stay static. Men don't live as long as women. Many take riskier careers and more health risks to earn. A few, like me, are in high mortality fields, where it's probably irresponsible to marry and/or have children.

B) Prenups are largely irrelevant if the couple has children. You CANNOT contract for child support in any fashion prior to having children. A man can prepare 50 ways to Sunday, once the kid pops out ( if it's even his...) then nothing he's done in the past is likely to matter much. If she wants more money, she'll pull the goalie and have another kid. Or she can petition to get more child support.

C) The idea of a prenup as some kind of blanket financial shield is a bizarre notion. It tends to operate, while surviving under the scrutiny of a Family Court judge, mostly as a structured buyout. She's not walking away with nothing. The State isn't going to support her so the guy doesn't have to do it. Child support and divorce and the Family Court is a nice industry for the State, basically a cash cow for them, so why change it.

The idea of financial security and protection and Western marriage actually make zero sense to me. I've seen it too often, from my observation and experience. Men I've gone to school with, neighbors, worked with, served with, met overseas, those under my command, those associated to people I know, there's only one true ironclad rule of marriage and money I know of - Whatever you make, she'll spend.

What if he dies? To me, this should be the primary consideration for women and career if they choose to have children. I've seen it too often. Esp men I've lost, good men, who didn't have the time in or foresight to consider what if they were gone forever and who would feed their families. I took steps to ensure the families of my men were always provided for, but my circumstances were very unique, most I saw, the families took some brutal hits in life.

In general, in legal terms, a man can only protect his assets if his money is not "comingled" with her money during the course of the marriage. (i.e. she cannot contribute ANYTHING to the purchasing, care and maintenance of that household) That's impossible to do for 99 percent of people who live together. Older people who both have a ton of assets, that's a little more unique.

Should a woman sign one? In most cases I've seen, prenups often get thrown out. With children, it doesn't matter, usually the guy is financially destroyed at that point. Point to note, it doesn't matter what the man has done or how he has prepared, if a Family Court judge has the choice to make him pay or burden the State coffers, well you can see what is going to happen.

A prenup isn't going to stop anyone. For example, in a divorce, one party can just run up the debt on purpose at the end, before legal separation. One party can get pregnant from someone else and say it's yours. One party can say you molested the kids as a strategy to get you out of the house ( and it's harder to retain the family home once you've been displaced) Most men are not going to let the mother of their children starve ( Though some men are scum and don't care) While it's commonly advised that both sides to the marriage seek and pay for their own legal counsel, I've seen situations where the woman was advised to NOT get her own legal counsel, so she could claim "Duress" later to get the prenup thrown out.

Sign it. It won't likely protect him anyway. In a structured buyout situation, usually the impact is so punitive long term anyway, esp with kids, it doesn't matter much anymore.

It's a bizarre deal. Financial commitment is enforced by the State, allowing one side to withdraw any obligations, for sometimes forever. Divorced men have a higher suicide rate than non married men. I suppose that would drive a man nuts, the idea of paying a woman to start sleeping with someone else. The idea of subsidizing Chad in the bedroom that used to be yours, that would drive many dudes to eat a gun.

Again, the bigger concern is what if he dies, is crippled, or something catastrophic happens like he ends up in prison for life, or has a stroke, or any screwy situation.

courtesy_flush_plz · 2018-01-09T23:26:57+00:00

isnt Western Civilization what is under scrutiny here, as a whole?

courtesy_flush_plz · 2018-01-09T11:33:47+00:00

no, but isn't RP supposed to be the opposite of BP? and if marriage is by far a BP conditioned mindset...

courtesy_flush_plz · 2018-01-09T20:07:44+00:00

Red Pill sees through religion & understands that it is nothing more than a large con / Santa Claus for adults who do not have the cognitive ability to realize this. Marriage & religion are hand in hand, and for the masses who lack layers to their cranial onion. Therefore one cannot believe in a higher power & still be Red Pill for the same reasons one cannot call themselves Red Pill & seek marriage.

Pink Pill starting to look infinitely more appropriate, because otherwise you are just disrespecting the concept by treating it like most of you religious people treat your own religion: by picking through it what you like & don't like much like a buffet.. skipping the salad bar & loading up on spaghetti & ice cream.

Again, that behavior is Blue Pill as it gets.

Title	Prenup?
Author	Blueeyeddd
Upvotes	17
Comments	113
Date	January 8, 2018 10:10 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7p27dj/prenup/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/prenup.74063 https://theredarchive.com/post/74063

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