I’ve slept with 13 men in my life time. I’m only 25. Whenever I think about it, I feel suicidal.

Latter_Ad_6840 · 2021-03-09T17:42:13+00:00

Forgive yourself. You were going through something emotional and doing the best you could. There are people who cheat, abuse, and hurt others, you were just in an emotionally confused place and engaging in behaviour that ended up being self-harming. You are not a bad person for this. You were just coping with your circumstances.

Your father also sounds awful, I'm sorry you went through that. It sounds like you went through enough negative experiences and deserve to be happy now.

Society and media also massively lies to young women, telling them that being sexually desirable and getting attention from that kind of experience is worthy and empowering, usually there is some fat old rich dude behind it who benefits from that perspective greatly.

You owe it to yourself to build a life that makes you happy with people who accept you for who you are. At least now you know to mercilessly vet out bastards who just want to sleep with you or judge you for your past. You're still young at 25, lots of women here found their husbands much older. You can embody the traits you want to have and accept that your past self was a necessary building block to achieve who you are, and you should be proud of who you are as long as you are a good person who tries to improve. Screw anyone who tries to guilt you for your past, if anyone does that you should kick them out of your life.

I agree that you should seek out therapy if you feel suicidal, therapy is so helpful.

carrotriver · 2021-03-09T16:01:49+00:00

If you are feeling suicidal PLEASE make an appointment with a psychologist or therapist.

Gardrothard · 2021-03-09T20:27:43+00:00

The truth is, there's not much inherently wrong about people having consensual sex with many people that don't hurt others (no cheating and similar things). Yet, you feel guilty. Yet, men see it as a red flag. So why is that? It's because of what pushes someone to act like that. It's a sign that one doesn't deal with whatever problems they have and use sex to numb themselves. Same as being fat. The negative is mostly something only fat person experiences, there's rarely any harm done to others, and we see it as wrong.

The actions that are self-destructive are bad because they are a sign that one avoids dealing with the root of issues at hand. People like that can be dangerous, especially when we want long-term commitment (relationship, deep friendship, or anything else where investment is high). We see them as dangerous because there's a higher chance that we'd be hurt even if we don't do anything wrong.

For example, I don't have a problem with someone being fat per se. But, if I had a relationship with someone like that, I might do something stupid. And then, instead of telling me, this person might eat to avoid dealing with it. Then, a few years down the road, turns out they have all this resentment bottled up and it's a shitstorm. Or maybe not. But the risk feels higher. Ideally, we all want a relationship where we know "If I did my part well you will do yours too and this is going to work" so that the risk associated with such a big investment is minimized.

In your case, it's the fact that you used sex to deal with insecurities. What happens when you feel insecure again? Can your partner trust you that when bad times come and you need to deal with your issues you won't go there? If they can assume that then that number doesn't hold much weight for someone who actually mature.

N count and other things are just proxies and heuristics that are used to vet partners. But the vetting is there so one could find someone stable and healthy with whom it makes sense to enter into a risky investment such as marriage. This is the end goal, to be a healthy individual and to find one, all those red and green flags are just simplifications used to make the search easier. A mature person, whether a woman or a man realizes this and the end goal is the priority. It's not about having a low n count for the sake of it, what's important is that you are loyal and stable and mature enough so that a man knows that when he treats you right he can almost blindly trust that you will treat him fairly as well and not pull a rug under him. That just because he had a rough month at work and was not able to perform as usual you won't go batshit because of it. Just like you don't want to be with someone who will replace you with a new woman just because you got a few wrinkles when you've done everything right by him.

We can only control our behaviour, not other peoples. Having people with whom we can focus on that and be sure that they will do the right thing if we do is invaluable and makes us feel safe. There aren't many people like that. Be that person.

Strive for this, this is the content, all those flags are just a container. If the content is right, if you are mature and take responsibility for your emotions, and know how to deal with your own self-destructive tendencies you will be a great partner to anyone smart enough to see what the gist is.

PNWHimbo · 2021-03-09T14:20:55+00:00

That number is high, but not that high.
You know, there is no reason that you have to immediately disclose that kind of thing. I would just keep that lowkey, personally.

It sounds like you might just be unhappy, generally, and should consider working on that. Perhaps see a therapist or begin an exercise regimen.

Anonymous_fiend · 2021-03-09T15:52:22+00:00

The issue isn't that you've slept with 13 men it's why and how that effects you (plus your potential spouse). I highly recommend therapy especially emdr. Before you date you need to go in nun mode and work on your issues. These mental health problems will highly effect finding a good man and keeping him (plus you don't deserve to suffer). If you're bitter, angry, hurt, negative, etc you may not be as pleasant to be around. There's a reason why a smile is one of the most attractive things to men. You're creating a self fulfilling prophecy and it's hard to break this cycle if shame. An antidepressant can take the edge off while you figure out how to heal. 13 isn't too high to a decent amount of men if you show that you've honestly made a complete change. At least now you're aware that you push good guys away and attract ones that reinforce your negative feelings. Being so hard on yourself won't erase your past. Accept it gracefully and learn the lessons from your past. Let it make you kinder and more resilient. Keep your chin up and forgive yourself. You've gone through a lot and want to improve yourself. These negative thoughts are only bringing you down. Whenever you think something negative immediately tell yourself the opposite. So if you think/say "I don't deserve love bc of xyz" tell yourself I deserve love as I am and for who I will be. Tell yourself "I will make a man feel proud to have me one day". A healthier mindset can make a huge difference. There's truth to fake it until you make it.

TranslatedSky · 2021-03-09T18:00:03+00:00

It’s not the number as much as the realization you were taken advantage of, the sense of worthlessness and rage that follows. My count is 3, and it all started out believing they cared for me. For a while I was like you, in a hopeless rut full of rage. Maybe it took me 3 to learn, maybe it took you 13, for others they may take even more, who cares — none of us can change the past and every other girl has a similar sad story these days.

Rumination will kill you and self pity is the most useless emotion. At best you continue life with low self worth, at worst you become a man-hating incel to cope.

The only way to stop the self hate is to improve so much you become a different person. It’s good you recognize you have issues, so put yourself in therapy. Go to the gym. Find supportive women friends. Contribute to community. Be in touch with your femininity. Grow your own value outside of sex. Focus on what you can control and rise above your sorrow.

OldManMofo · 2021-03-10T01:41:15+00:00

You are not a sinner. You deserve a good life. Take care.

HumanSockPuppet · 2021-03-09T16:15:50+00:00

Your behaviour towards a man is what determines his experience of your company - being kind, thoughtful, tactful, and attentive. That is ultimately what he will care about.

A colourful sexual history is a side-effect of the things which cause relationship problems, not a cause of it.

tibetanpeachpies · 2021-03-09T13:20:40+00:00

That's a pretty normal number and I definitely know many women way above it. I'd be more concerned with the overly negative feelings you are feeling about yourself because of it, I think that's more debilitating to your personality. You have many many other pieces to your character than a number (which cannot be changed) to focus on and put out there into the world. But also, that's really not a crazy number.

nopethats-not-me · 2021-03-10T06:50:45+00:00

For some reason I find your post laughable. So I’m going to laugh a little haha-sorry not sorry-

Back to the real story. Girl ( I’m only assuming) I think you need to change your mindset about yourself and religion. -I was in your shoes four years ago after reading a book about body counts. The crazy thing about sins I have come to realize is- EVERYONE HAVE THEM-everyone. You and I (we) were born with baby sins just by breathing this air on earth. Let’s forget about that. How great do you think your sin is? Greater than the murder who’s not in prison but sins will be forgiven when he’s repent? Greater than the priest or the child molester you know nothing about who will be forgiven when they repent-according to the Bible. That’s the thing with religion. It forces you to put yourself in a tight box. -Fly my girl fly. -Don’t live this earth life categorizing yourself in the box based on partially “man made” theory of how to live your UNIverse. Our UNIverse is all about learning and moving on, learn from your mistakes. Learn from the duck buddies you have had or haven’t had. From your body counts. -Fly- learn- repeat—

P.S. I just turned 26 and have slept with maybe 26 guys. I learned after 25 years on earth to not fuck everything that moves and have the slightest interest in me. On to the bigger and badder problems. (Owing a vibrator really helps) You’re not as sinful as you think-

stripedtanker · 2021-03-09T22:44:47+00:00

I agree with other posters. I don't think 13 is a lot honestly, I thought girls tend to be around that much anyways. I think you need to focus on why that makes you feel bad as opposed to the number itself. Is it because you feel disrespected, used, low value, etc... Focus on improving those things, who cares about your body count. Don't beat yourself up about it. The past is the past, you can only change the future.

ImcallsignBacon · 2021-03-09T13:26:40+00:00

I dont know if it helps to hear this from a M30 but if you found a guy who's ready to marry you and he's the right guy, I doubt hearing about your past is gonna talk him out of marriage, and if it is then that's his loss. For me 13 people doesn't sound like alot but then again apparently I live in the one night stand capital of the world.

covfefe_believer · 2021-03-09T13:48:46+00:00

I feel bad your history, and nobody can change that, but you do have a chance to find a new future with somebody loving and caring. Don't ruin those chances. Some may judge, but that one person, he won't care, he will love you no matter what.

I too, loved/liked this women with a broken past. I never once judged her, and only tried to comfort her, I didn't care that she slept with more than a dozen guys, I didn't care that she had a kid, or mental issues. I just saw a broken beautiful women and I wanted to make her happy. Alas, like you, her own issues pushed me away.

I tried to hint her to my care, for example, I had told her I spent several hours trying to wrap her gift with two separate gift wrapping paper, but the effort was caste aside under the impression I was just a nice person.

At the end, there is only so much I can do, and true healing is from the inside. I wish my ex partner the best, I wish her a happy life, but at some point, I have to move on.

CountTheBees · 2021-03-09T20:25:46+00:00

You've gone through so much suffering in life, I'm very sorry you were so painfully abused. All those women with lower n counts didn't have to deal with what you were dealing with. If they had, they may have an equally high N count. Don't compare yourself to others because they've never lived in your shoes, or had their dad say and do such painful things to them.

I'm not religious and I also felt guilty for my n count, even though it is only 4, because my first two were not serious partners. I felt like I wasn't smart or good enough to attract them long term or make good decisions. But that's in the past now, and what matters is how I treat my boyfriend. I treat him the best I can to make up for my n count.

Read this, it's another person who is happily married with high N count. She shared her very painful history so women like you could see that it's not all doom and gloom. It's not the end of the world. https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/lzbnzc/got_married_at_22_thanks_to_rpw_a_painfully/

AngusKirk · 2021-03-09T17:47:55+00:00

If you are feeling suicidal PLEASE make an appointment with a psychologist or therapist.

Also, 13 isn't even that much. I knew women that had those in a hot week. You might have other problems that you're backwards-rationalization-ing that is this the problem that makes you feel that way. Go for professional help.

Melohdy · 2021-03-09T19:47:24+00:00

You know what? I don't know you, but I don't care about your past. It's your "now" that's important.

RPLLOIAY_16 · 2021-03-09T16:36:09+00:00

Relax your number is not high you are discovering life be kind with yourself and again, your number is not that high

vjqqq · 2021-03-09T13:45:19+00:00

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pearlsandstilettos · 2021-03-09T15:43:19+00:00

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pearlsandstilettos · 2021-03-09T18:18:10+00:00

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lilacmaze · 2021-03-10T11:16:53+00:00

That only works out as about 2 men a year so I dont think that's that bad? You might have done it for the wrong reasons but other people could happen to achieve that whilst trying to having proper relationships. The problem by far is just your attitude surrounding it and the sense of shame you have internalised. I think you need to learn to love yourself, have therapy, be kind to yourself, grow your self worth, increase your confidence with your value outside of sexual activities. Think about all your strengths and what makes you a good person. You are a teacher, that is a noble profession for a start, indicates you are probably kind and compassionate. Which are good traits. You're not written off. You need to let yourself heal. Maybe then you can have a successful relationship. But healing has to come first.

elegantlybroken · 2021-03-10T12:47:31+00:00

My friend had a trouble past with child abuse... But her. N count was near 200 when we were 18, and she still had problems in her 20s with drugs. So I’m sure she gotta be 400s now. But she in her 30s with a man who knows her past. No joke I remember we sat down and counted. She started when we was 13. But she was abuse a lot younger. People handle things differently. And remember, you don’t need to tell anyone your past. Just try to for give yourself, and do better by you. Your allow to kept your N count a secret

RP_Bear9 · 2021-03-11T01:17:29+00:00

To put this in perspective your emotional and mental situation is about 20 times more relevant that the number of men you have been with in your life. The emotional issues need to be addressed if you are to make any real progress. Your history with men up to this point is something that you have no control over now. Hence, focus on healing yourself now rather than your past. And FWIW, 13 men in your past is not really that big of an issues for most guys.

Ok_Support3818 · 2021-03-11T21:26:06+00:00

Are you a christian?

norse7575 · 2021-03-13T18:51:01+00:00

So what. What is past is past. Don't let any of these past encounters ruin your future relationships. It is noones business who you have slept with. If it's causing you pain, seek out some therapy. You don't have to go for years. A few sessions and you'll be feeling better.

Deedee554 · 2021-03-14T03:15:57+00:00

Okay. Where to start with this.

I was you.

My father was a useless, abusive and weak man. My mother furthered the problem by being an psychologically abusive narcissist. I was called ugly, fat and a whore.

The truth is that did happen. You gave yourself away cheaply to men that you had no business sharing yourself with like that. Baby girl. You are valuable. You are loveable. You are a princess with the potential of finding a prince. The journey to self forgiveness is difficult but you need to accept your choices and errors as poor decisions. Remember this pain that you are in so you never give yourself away like that again to men who are not worth it.

Therapy. It may be difficult for you to unpack your feelings and make something out of all the emotional chaos but I would recommend therapy.

Meditation. It can help with processing the thoughts and emotions.

Yoga or dance. This can be a good way to build the mind body connection that can be dissociated when you have a damaged relationship with your body.

Read and learn self knowledge.

The truth for me is that I still hold this over my head as something I have done and have not been able to forget. So that I do not do it again. I met my partner and had an unconventional romance but I was capable of being loved and so are you. You are not your past but you have to remember and process the past if you want a future for yourself. You will need self respect, self care, self knowledge, self containment, self discipline and these things are all in your grasp. You have recognised the error. Correct it. Your life has not ended. It is painful but use that pain and disappointment to fuel your growth.

Remember always, always, always:

You are loveable You are worthy You are respectable

These things are true if you treat yourself like it and you can have a relationship if you set yourself up for one.

PLAY-TITANFALL-2 · 2021-03-14T15:36:35+00:00

Bad decisions, forgive yourself.

You didnt hurt nobody.

evendree72 · 2021-03-09T15:48:17+00:00

This is one of the reasons I dislike religion, sin is a constraint of morals. You have done nothing wrong. You could sleep with 100 men and it still would not be wrong. Please seek a therapist out.

You are worth it. Your history does not define you. Your actions and your personality are what make you worthy. Lift yourself up. You are worthy, not ruined.

I have always firmly believed you have to want to fix yourself, loose a bad habit or what not. Only you can make your own happiness, mental health, or satisfaction. No one else can do that. Once you value yourself others will see that and value you too! If not more! And if someone is judging you, they don't deserve you.

I will admit I am not 100% red pill, but I do love some of the values they have. It is very insightful.

Your father, he was toxic and abusive, and I think once you separate those emotions and feelings and work on you, you will be much happier, because you are not a whore, you are not trash! You are you, and there is nothing wrong with what you have done. People grow and change, maybe it's time to seek change and release those toxic feelings of unworthiness or self depreciation.

I slept with 2 guys I was romantic with and had 5 or 6 one time flings. All before I met my husband. He is extremely attracted to fat, I am fat and I hate my body. But he shows me he loves me and helps me feel worthy of that. Even when I don't feel it at heart, I know he loves and cherishes me.

pearlsandstilettos · 2021-03-09T17:30:49+00:00

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tickIeeman · 2021-03-09T15:44:35+00:00

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Practical_Sir_133 · 2021-03-29T20:59:39+00:00

Forgive yourself. You seem to have reflected and taken the time to acknowledge what lead you down that path and are ready for change. People are allowed to glow up and start anew. You have the right to look forward and not back anymore! Also, don’t feel Obligated to disclose your sexual past with anyone. They are your personal learning experiences.

Title	I’ve slept with 13 men in my life time. I’m only 25. Whenever I think about it, I feel suicidal.
Author	vjqqq
Upvotes	16
Comments	62
Date	March 9, 2021 1:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/m164p0/ive_slept_with_13_men_in_my_life_time_im_only_25/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/ive-slept-with-13-men-in-my-life-time-im-only-25.752194 https://theredarchive.com/post/752194

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