Your (wo-)man reneging on their word? Lied? Cheated? Cried? Tried to gaslight your memory? Tried to sweep a problem under the rug? Failed to change after you CoMmuNiCaTeD? Your friend running late for the nth time? Your family member dumping some super gossip vent? Your coworker making excuses?

Don't complain. Don't use "I" statements to convey your feelings. Don't type up endless pages on your notes app like it's the next Great American Novel.

Use these short scripts instead:

  • Wow! I can't imagine.

  • Ah! That's so hard.

  • Oh no! Time management is a tough one.

  • That's unfortunate! Good luck.

  • That's terrible.

  • Oh dear! How awful.

  • Yikes. That sucks.

  • (Or, if it's a new person who needs your iDeAs to click a mouse button to make an online reservation? "Surprise me!")

That's the whole script. That's it. Say it sincerely with your whole chest. Say it in a voice full of empathy. Because they are all true. You really can't imagine. It really is awful.

Then, you turn around, and change your actions in response. Tell yourself, "it is easy for me to act accordingly, because it is easy for me to live my best life."

If these people want to be in your life, they will shift accordingly. If they don't shift, they will simply drop off and get deselected.

Letting go of quarrelling / arguing energy is sometimes the hardest part of this mindset shift.