OOOOH goodness. I am heated ladies. I read this post on a somewhat popular sub from a man complaining about how he is a father and how his fEeLiNgS are hurt because women who don't even know him are so distrustful when he is out in public with his kids or when he interacts with children playfully that aren't his. He huffs and puffs when he doesn't get the openly loving positive affirmations from women (who don't even know him) about how good of a father and man he is around kids.

Cue hundreds upon hundreds of comments from men whining in unison.

Give. Me. A. Break.

Sorry not sorry. Women do not need to ~TIPTOE~ on eggshells around STRANGERS, ESPECIALLY men, ESPECIALLY when it comes to children, THEIR children.

Pre FDS I dated a closet pedophile, (trigger warning: sexual abuse, grooming) who was extremely abusive, a narcissist, and eventually became very violent before I was able to escape. He may not have actively done anything to children, but he groomed them. He was twice my age, and he would constantly make up these violently abusive DD/LG scenarios which I thought was normal but clearly after healing I realized they were insanely messed up that are so digusting I never want to even think about. He also was a "father figure" to this girl who was the child of a 14 year old girl he got pregnant when he was 16 (she terminated it, but she later had a daughter by someone else). Her daughter reached out to him, at 13, and for several years they were conversing through facebook, and she mentioned performing sexual acts that she was thinking about him. No DOUBT he was grooming her WELL INTO HER EARLY 20s (mind you, he's in his mid 40s). He groomed me starting in my early 20s. This man also previously worked with children before as a missionary. I've escaped that horrendous relationship. But it could have ended with me not alive. I don't even want to think the harm he's done to other women and children. Every alarm bell that was ringing in me, every red flag that popped up, I ignored that as to not hurt a man's feelings.

After all, you wouldn't want to ruin a man's career (not that COUNTLESS women throughout history have lost their careers, children, their autonomy, sanity, stability, and LIVES etc, from being VICTIMS of male offenders.) Just look for example, look at all the sheer amount of women who had to come forward about Harvey Weinstein, and Bill Cosby, and Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell for it to ACTUALLY be taken seriously, as opposed to the testimony of one Johnny Depp against Amber Heard. (And let me clarify, this is NOT trying to defend abusers at all, and of course I feel the same empathy towards ANYONE who gets abused, regardless of gender.) But it's almost like women's words don't count for anything, because when a man says it, it must be true. Which is why we second guess ourselves, bite our tongue, hold back, smile and nod, and play along. Of course, I don't want to be that bitch and assume all men are out to get me, hurt me, hurt my child...

We would also rather be polite than be a bitch and accuse a good man of just trying to be a good father. Women have been socialized since the beginning to not trust our instincts and squash our gut, so the patriarchy doesn't feel offended. Well, too fucking bad. OUR LIVES are being offended on.

MEN NEED TO TAKE TIME TO EARN OUR TRUST. It is paramount for our survival, and children's as well. The ignorance and lack of awareness and perspective, the lack of understanding and empathy from men... it truly astounds me.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, women and children's safety TRUMPS men's feelings.

Oh, and if you haven't read it before, I highly suggest getting a copy of Gavin de Beckers "The Gift of Fear". And SSDGM, (if you ladies listen to My Favorite Murder).