Vetting a therapist?

monch-bred · 2021-03-31T01:22:17+00:00

I just kept switching until I got someone I like. Wasn’t allowed to pick, I could only request a new one and get assigned.

Notably my current therapist’s info/about section is a lot more no-nonsense, it included something along the lines that we will track measurable progress to make sure therapy is working. In our first session she told me if I’m not seeing results by session 4, I should fire her. She’s also the first one who gave me worksheets to do between sessions. She’s the first one who called me out on my bs when I made excuses for myself, and I appreciate that.

My other therapists always had an undertone of “well you seem to handle yourself great and you’re great at problem solving and interpersonal relationships, so I don’t know what the issue is” well the issue is I am depressed despite that lmao.

One of my former therapists encouraged me to give a guy a 2nd chance when I told her I was planning to dump him🤡🤡 and asked me to explain why it was so important to me that the guy I’m dating have feminist values. I was like ...????

That went on a tangent but anyways I think youd need to be patient and try out a new therapist, after 3-5 sessions it should be clear whether they’re going to be libfem and you’ll be able to move on to a new one or stay with that one depending on how it goes. It took me 1.5 years and 4 different ones to get a good match.

And it goes without saying, no male therapists 😅

mackenzie013 · 2021-03-31T00:23:11+00:00

I’m on my second therapist; but I don’t get to choose them. I can set preferences, but then I’m just matched with someone through my provider.

I left my first one and requested a new one, because while clearly having an episode, the advice I got was to write letters to resolve my childhood trauma. 😳

My suggestion would be to keep changing them until you found someone you like. First meeting is usually 15min (at least for me) to understand how they work, how they are, and if it’s a match or not. Don’t be afraid to fire them and keep looking; I look at it this way - if you got a terrible haircut, you prob would change hairdressers.

That said; I’m not sure if there’s a way to vet the “communicate” advices. Maybe someone else will have a better idea. IMO - in a generation where 80% of people I meet (not just men) fail at basic communication (let alone effective communication), it’s probably their go-to technique.

Warm_Ad6994 · 2021-03-31T01:38:16+00:00

With the amount of horrible therapists out there, I’m seriously considering switching career goals in life lol. Anyway read tons of reviews beforehand if you can and be cautious of any therapist who invalidates you or your feelings. They do more harm than good for your mental health. Saying things like “All guys are like this” “you seem like a happy person” “communicate with your abuser” are horribly invalidating things to say to someone. I wouldn’t tolerate it and I’d be switching therapists ASAP. You might have to go through a few until you find someone with morals and compassion. Good luck on your search <3

Honestly_th0 · 2021-03-31T01:06:20+00:00

Good therapists are hard to find. You just have to keep trying. Drop them when they stop helping—they charge too much to let them waste your time. I had one who asked me “Why don’t you just stop doing XYZ behavior?” Hello, if it was so easy to stop, I wouldn’t be in therapy! Dropped.

Equivalent_Search178 · 2021-03-31T05:14:20+00:00

Psychology student here. There is no "ideal" therapist but an ideal match between therapist and patient. I think you need to vet. And as already mentioned here, find someone who has studied at a respectable university and preferably has a PhD in clinical psychology.

2021-03-31T14:51:33+00:00

Something no one talks about is that finding a good therapist is like finding a good relationship. You're going to have to go through a bunch before you find one that's actually helpful.

I wish I had known that before I had issues with anxiety - my first 'therapist' was the free counselor at my college who was a couple of years older than me, male, and basically copied anxiety exercises out of a book from 1980 and said 'so, basically do this'.

And he kept asking me why I looked so uncomfortable. Fucking useless, he drove me into deeper panic attacks and eventually agoraphobia that took almost a decade to dig myself out of.

fdsThrowaway2021 · 2021-03-31T09:19:33+00:00

In Chump Lady’s comment section, many women suggest doing a short phone interview with a new therapist and asking about her stance regarding cheating. In order to weed out cheater apologists. I think this question can be useful even for women who weren’t cheated on, or maybe you can come up with an issue you can vet through. Something that pickmes would say A while radfems would say B.

goldiebaby · 2021-03-31T21:23:52+00:00

This is my biggest issue with therapy. Finding the right one can be a painful and expensive process. My husband sought therapy in college about his abusive, fundie Christian mother. Turns out his therapist was religious and told him that she was only doing her best and loved him unconditionally. She pushed forgiveness instead. This is the woman who beat and fractured my husband's hand at the age of 12 because he committed the sin of reading Harry Potter. She refused to take him to the hospital either.

eaucitron · 2021-04-01T02:04:32+00:00

You have to shop around. My therapist right now is like my 6th in 5 years. Unfortunately there are a lot of pickme type female therapists out there that hold gender stereotypes to some outdated golden standard and really just love to be subservient to men (the caretaker types, ya know). The one I’m seeing now shakes me up on a regular basis by saying things like “well there’s your answer, that shows you exactly where you lie on his hierarchy of priorities” and “this might be all there is to him, you need to decide if this is enough for you”. If only I could bottle her up and keep her in my purse as my own little pickme-reality check fairy.

UnderwaterWriter · 2021-03-31T10:12:13+00:00

I would really like to help you, because some therapies are just ineffective. If you know the modality that this person uses it would be useful. Psychoanalysis is brilliant for deeper more thoughtful work, as is integrative therapy. I would avoid behavioral therapies as they tend to focus on functioning rather than deeper introspective work. One way to vet is to have a phone call before the initial meeting. I always ask them for some of the literature they might suggest to clients. It helps me see where their mind is, and how they think. My current therapist suggested Leave a Cheater, Gain a life which I was already reading. And I knew I wanted to work with her to overcome the infidelity I was subjected to because her mindset was not one that required me to take blame for something my partner chose to do.

Cultural_Training249 · 2021-03-31T08:46:18+00:00

Maybe you don't need a therapist "who understands that "communicate" is demonstrable bullshit." Maybe you need to not to look for acceptance in strangers and make them agree with you?

Why are you there and seeking their approval? You are supposed to be getting help and non judgment. You know what's right and wrong so why are you seeking approval and paying for a therapist that you can't talk to. That seems like a toxic relationship?

Get out and maybe stop looking for a therapist to confirm what you think.

Title	Vetting a therapist?
Author	fds_account58
Upvotes	141
Comments	17
Date	March 30, 2021 11:59 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mgtfmq/vetting_a_therapist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/vetting-a-therapist.778951 https://theredarchive.com/post/778951

Comments