My friend was raped

perplexedm · 2017-03-11T05:40:05+00:00

Get an STD test.

Report.

This is serious, because if she gets pregnant and plans to carry the child, your friend will have to pay for decades.

It will be determinable for this life and career.

HeForeverBleeds · 2017-03-11T04:33:42+00:00

It's unfortunate that he's not reporting this to the police. To some extent, I can empathize with his decision: I was sexually abused by women when I was younger and sexually harassed by a female supervisor as an adult, and in any case when I did report it (to a teacher, to a principal, and to HR) nothing was ever done about it. I understand that it can be a painful process to report, and especially when it turns out to not be worth it

On the other hand, even though reporting it's risky (emotionally), it's also very important. One of the main reasons it's not taken seriously is in fact because men/boys often don't report in the first place. And because there are so few reports, people/police come to think it's not a serious problem, it doesn't happen, and/or males don't complain (don't care) when it does happen to them

If every or a significant amount of males this happened to did report it, the ideas either that it never happens or that males don't actually care would pretty much be forced to be challenged. As it is, there are quite a few males like your friend who, because of the silence, society believes don't exist

But anyway, it's not like you either can or should force him into reporting, so I guess there's no point in preaching to you here. As it is, the best way you can help him is to give him support. It's already a really good start that you're taking it seriously after he trusted you enough to call and tell you about it. You could try to encourage him to get therapy if it seems he needs more help than you're able to give him, but apart from that just keep being his friend and it sounds like you're already doing a good job

1paleoman · 2017-03-11T12:08:14+00:00

Have no idea if this could protect him legally or not, but consider telling him to write everything down, every little detail, wait 24 hours, re-read and edit (more memories will come back), make 3 copies, SIGN AND DATE IT IN PEN and mail them to himself, you, and another trusted person with instructions never to open the envelope. It will be a sealed document with a postage date stamp that could be presented in court as evidence.

AaronStack91 · 2017-03-11T12:41:17+00:00

To those who were arguing with me a few weeks back about rape statistics, that people do not underreported rape incidents, think about what just happened here and what everyone's advice is here...

linkchel · 2017-03-11T04:54:56+00:00

I am so sorry that this happened to your friend. I don't know how much this helps, but I'm a woman and always make a point of vocalizing that men can be victims of rape and abuse to my family and friends. It's kind of sad I have to say this, but it's lucky that your friend has someone like you to go to; I can't even begin to imagine how it would feel to be a victim of rape, especially when you're a man.

Senno82 · 2017-03-11T17:14:35+00:00

He needs to get an STD test and report. This is very serious and this doesnt even take into account that she might be pregnant.

kutuup1989 · 2017-03-11T22:10:02+00:00

He should absolutely call the police. It doesn't matter whether or not a person was drunk, if they didn't consent to what took place, or consented under duress, then what took place was a rape.

I don't imagine the police would just ignore the allegation, they would be duty-bound to investigate or at least ask questions.

He should kick up a stink about about it if action isn't taken. I would start by filing for a restraining order against her. When the question is asked why he's filing for a restraining order, raise the fact that he was raped and no action was taken, so he doesn't feel safe. The police department will have a VERY uncomfortable time trying to explain why no action was taken when the original accusation was made, and will be wide open to litigation.

mwobuddy · 2017-03-11T04:14:16+00:00

So encourage him to report it. Also he should publicly out her on facebook, like how women out men all the time.

rg57 · 2017-03-11T19:24:09+00:00

I treat this the same as if a female had made the claim.

And I'm simply not buying it. If you make yourself that drunk, you are responsible for what comes next, whether it's a car crash, or sex.

-redditardation- · 2017-03-11T04:19:57+00:00

He didn't go into too many details but pretty much told me she was groping him and they ended up having sex.

This essentially means it wasn't rape. She was groping him and the situation is definitely shitty but it isn't rape. Normally (unless it is a woman) intoxication isn't an excuse (as it shouldn't be).

From the story it seems like she wouldn't let off and he was very reluctant and eventually just fucked her to to get it over and done with and have some peace. However this isn't rape.

Not entirely sure how far groping goes in this case but depending on the kind it is very likely sexually assault in its own.

WillMeatLover · 2017-03-11T11:32:02+00:00

Your friend is an idiot. I don't know how to advise people who are morons. Stop being retarded? Other than the obvious advice of reporting it I don't know. I don't spend time with garbage people, such as rapists, and I don't drink myself into a stupor.

Even reporting might just cause him problems considering cops arrest men when men call the police when women attack them...

Title	My friend was raped
Author	xXrenXx1993
Upvotes	40
Comments	91
Date	March 11, 2017 4:09 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/5yquf3/my_friend_was_raped/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-friend-was-raped.929483 https://theredarchive.com/post/929483

Comments