I'm an incel. Please help me

RadioSphinx · 2021-08-11T22:04:08+00:00

God, you're gonna hate me for this, but really the foundational solution here is to stop looking for outside validation and focus on making your life positive for you. Women thinking you're cute will not change your mindset. Getting a girlfriend will not change it, either. Take a break from the dating world, especially online discussions of the dating world. Just straight up walk out and focus on the other aspects of life which legitimately matter to you. You need to do this to build up your self esteem and start enjoying life for what it is, not for what terminally-online idiots think it is.

ciopink · 2021-08-11T23:09:02+00:00

You are filtering information to make a negative generalization. You got a pretty decent score from the girls.

I won't tell you to go to therapy, because it may not be accessible to you, but I will recommend that you check out Feeling Good by David Burns or practice Ellis' ABC's to change your mental distortions.

Also, to improve your mood, I recommend that you sunbathe in the mornings and not expose yourself to artificial light at night. It sounds stupid, but it will reduce your chances of having sleep problems and even more depression. And please, get some exercise.

That helped my depression more than drugs.

minosandmedusa · 2021-08-11T22:02:29+00:00

It would help to get more details like your age, and your history with women.

ejolene_46 · 2021-08-11T23:19:29+00:00

My dad and grandpa are 5'7? I don't think it's noteworthy or "woah he's short" at all?! Btw if you have something interesting to talk about people will listen regardless of looks and wanna be your friend. Just because you ain't getting "benefits" don't mean it's a lesser life. Get out there and experience the world. Educate yourself. See how you can use your mind to better others' lives and I assure you that'll earn respect.

Maybe you should join a Catholic church or just visit one. Talk to someone who lives celibate with conviction and let yourself be inspired. Worshipping sex is not a good life.

KrizzkoStyx · 2021-08-11T23:23:48+00:00

Let's imagine that you actually are objectively ugly, for argument's sake. Can't you just lower your sights to find a more average-looking girl to date? I'm sure there are just as many women out there who think they'll never find love because they don't look like Victoria Beckham or something. But if you two could meet and bond over a million other things besides looks, then you can experience true happiness.

The problem with the redpill is that it's focused so heavily on "9s and 10s" and then acts like the rest of womanhood doesn't even exist. Guess what? If you keep striking out with supermodels, there's still a million women out there who are perfectly fine with "5.9" looks or whatever.

BlackVsilver · 2021-08-11T23:42:45+00:00

Instead on focusing in women. Focus on yourself first. You need to fix what you can control. I don't understand why are you disregarding therapy. Mental health is important more than physical health. Stop pondering on giving up and your limiting factors instead, look for solutions.

Have you tried meditation? Yoga? Going to the gym helps to build self-confidence as well. But not mainly for women but how you carry yourself in social interactions. If you got 5.9 on photofeeler, I believe that's slightly above average being close to 6/10.

The problem I can see here is you're attacking the problem with the wrong weapons. Address the mental problems > looks > build your status/money> build up confidence > learn game (look for game coaches that are legit like playingwithfire on youtube but this is after you have addressed all priors).

Suicide is a hardcore black pill solution for embracing the saying "it's over for me" so I just give up. Stop watching black pill videos. While you haven't consider other solutions such us geo maxxing, plastic surgery, etc.. The point is, there's always a solution than to off yourself. Life is about finding solutions, pursuit of happiness and not giving up. Everyone have different mode in life (easy, hard, hardcore). Don't compare yourself to others. Treat this as a challenge for yourself. And when you beat the game, rewards will come.

I don't want to tell you to give up on finding a partner because we all have different priorities in life. Some would like to experience having a partner and some just wanna give up and be alone. If there's an ounce of chance for happiness, why not put all your efforts to pursue that? Because it's easy to give up rather than putting an effort in working yourself and building yourself up. It's easy to blame yourself or the others, than working on yourself.

Like I said, do all these things for yourself and not to prioritize women. Women will just come after you have achieve those things I've mentioned. Good luck bro.

Last advice, don't ever tell a girl that you have mental problems. Address that and seek professional help and not in forums, because doctors studied that for many years.

RedPillDetox · 2021-08-12T08:39:01+00:00

It doesn't take much to know what your problem is.

You think you're ugly yet 80 women rated you average. You think it's "overrated". If they claimed you were a 1, you'd say that you're even worse than you thought, but if someone says you're average they're lieing?

You're average, get over it.

You think you're short, yet 5'7 is not short and it will never be short. "But LoOk, DuDa, 5'9 Iz dA avErAge iN mY CoUntry, sO It'Z bElOw AvERagE" - Well, never must have heard of the concept of standard deviation then.

Yesm3can · 2021-08-12T04:56:03+00:00

I will not insult you by giving you some platitudes.

Your physical appearance is completely given to you by your biological parents. They are knowingly decided to give birth to you. To the world that really, really is into lookism. Beauty industry has always been a booming industry worth billions. Physical attractiveness is currency that opens a lot of doors.

If you feel that you are unattractive, you cannot blame anyone but your biological parents. And that is okay.

Now it is up to you to decide what to do with this acceptance. Maybe you decide then, to put the whole wanting relationship in backburner and just focus on living happily? Happiness differs from one person to another.

Maybe you want to travel the world, be digital nomad. Maybe you want to earn a lot of money and build a mansion somewhere. Maybe you are satisfied with stress free, minimum wage job, as long as your primary needs are fulfilled.

If you prefer the looksmaxxing road, that is ok too. Like I've said before, physical attractiveness opens many doors. Maybe you want to look at some beauty surgeries, maybe you want to dress more suave, etc.

Point is, you can only do things that is related to you. You can only be the one taking care of yourself when noone wants to.

Brilliant_Usual_743 · 2021-08-12T18:34:10+00:00

Your problem is you think all women want conventionally attractive men, which can't be further from the truth. You need to focus on what you can control to increase your confidence a little bit more. We first start with the shortcuts.

First of all, the world doesn't revolve around you. In the grand scheme of things, you are extremely small. No one gives a dang how you look, we are too preoccupied with our own lives and experiences.

Now that we have that out of the way, here are some expedient areas to just make you feel a little bit better about yourself:

Hair - get it short if it's long. Most people can't pull off long. Shorter on sides, a little bit longer on top. Style it.
Face - if you have acne, go to a dermatologist. If you have a monobrow, get it plucked. If you have a stubble and scarce hair follicles, shave it. If you have hair that could grow into an actual full beard, let it grow.
Body - If you're overweight, just eat in a caloric deficit for a while until you get to a healthy BMI (for weight loss it doesn't matter if your calories are just sugar or McDonalds, caloric deficits work regardless of their nature). If you're underweight, eat in a surplus. In regards to going to the gym, that generally helps psychologically as well. Work on: arms, back, chest, maybe legs.
Style - never wear more that 3 colors on you. 2 is ideal. Ditch your colorfully chaotic clothes. Stick to black, white, navy, grey, nude, red, maybe light blue. If your pants are dark, your shirt is light. If your shoes are black, either your pants or your shirt is black. No logos, no designs, no brands, just pure, simple, tasteful clothes.

wear perfume + deodorant
minimal daily hygene despite of being depressed. At least a shower

The non physical areas are: 1. Disconnect from the virtual world as much as you can. Invest in a hobby in the real world or volunteer. Find people that would be interested in your passions and interact with them regularly, girls included 2. Find a job, stay in a job or start a business. This is mostly to fund your investment in yourself. If you live with your parents, move out so that you're better able to build an identity separate from them 3. If you like darkness when you're at home, gradually let more light come in

It gets better. We just lose faith in ourselves when we don't push ourselves enough to become corresponding to our potential. Make promises to yourself and keep them. Look up to a more realistically improved version of yourself. You are good enough at your core while at the same time falling short of what you could be. This is not about making us attracted to you. We love men who love themselves enough to not betray themselves and take responsibility for their shortcomings. We love men who fail repeatedly on their way to their potential. We love men who are depressed, yet aware they're not stuck there. We just need you to take responsibility for your own lives and as women, this is one of the reasons why we got here on this subreddit to begin with: our men blamed it all on the women in their lives, while we tiptoed around them trying to love them as hard as we could and being poisoned in the process with their resentment. Don't do that. It's all in Your hands.

Oistcute · 2021-08-12T15:03:30+00:00

i made a series of posts on the r/teenagers sub to help incels. i think it'll help u (minus the parts about therapy)

ciaobellapgh · 2021-08-17T01:20:16+00:00

This is a really long thread! I'll say that alot of the responses are shitty, but I don't understand: you're 5'7"? And you get almost a 6 on a rating? I'm 5'3" and have been told many times I'm a2/10 I'm literally the size of a sixth grader, I don't get how being slightly shorter than average hurts your chances Also, it's really sad to watch people tell you to just deal with it, fuck them tbh.

jedi-sam · 2021-08-12T08:41:57+00:00

Just get a hooker.

TheDrWinston · 2021-08-13T21:45:53+00:00

Life is too complicated to have your dating based solely on your looks and height. Everyone leads a complicated life. Attractive people aren't satisfied with their love life either.

the_pupilwx · 2021-08-12T10:46:25+00:00

Ok look... there is no easy way of saying this... none of this matters. as in... your highet and dicksize and rating on fuck-me-or-not roulette you made up for yourself with 80 woman is a piss poor excuse for a scientific expiriment, you are just one data point, 80 prespectives on the same datapoint won't change the datapoint.

you need to get it in your head that none of these "sexual market value" is applyable to human beings, we are social animals, not breeding stock.

you know how I lost my virginity? I had a friend calling me asking if I want to hangout with their fat friend, alone. I said sure who cares... apperently she was a cock lover, we ended up having sex in a public park at like 2am. my dick is 5.1 when erect, and I'm just below 6'. did it make a diff during sex? no. cause I was inexpirienced, did being inexpirienced make a diff? yes. but we still had fun, and while in the after math my friend told me I was really bad at sex, guess what... their friend still wanted to hangout with me, calling me at like 10am the week after to have sex again. why? cause I was myself, if I felt bad about my dick size, I was open about it, without shying away from my own feelings. in the end it was that which make a connection with them, not my "dick size" or rating... and I was rated 5 by a lot of people too. so.. you make your own conclusions from that one.

so you see... all these "research" you do into why you are unattractive or how you are not as desireable, is USELESS, absolute waste of time of a human being.

atman714 · 2021-08-11T21:58:10+00:00

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SadBox4529 · 2021-08-11T22:52:18+00:00

How old are you?

untitled_dot_jpeg · 2021-08-12T00:54:19+00:00

I'm 5'5, not particularly handsome and yet I've had girlfriends who towered over me. Your height and looks are not as relevant as you think.
Starting with your looks. Most girls are plain and average as well but will look like 8 or 9s after applying makeup. Not saying you should apply make-up, but a wardrobe change can help you improve your first impression. But mostly, it will be your demeanour that will determine if you are a yes or a no.
As for height, there is nothing you can do about that. Like the vast majority of guys, you will struggle with dating apps. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. The time and effort you would put in dating apps can better be applied elsewhere. There are plenty of other avenues to meet girls where you won't immediately get dinged for your height.

First things first: you need to improve your mental health. The easiest way to do this is to go out for an hours walk at least a couple of times a week. It requires so little effort other than making the time for it, but it will help your mental state significantly.

Second thing is to set yourself a single goal and a timeframe in which to achieve it in (preferably 3 to 6 months). This can be learning or improving one of your skills, or completing something that you've been putting off forever. But of all the things going on in your life, this is the one thing you do need to compleet. The goal is to get a sense of achievement, that you've set your mind to something and accomplished something. By repeating this, it will help your self esteem significantly over the long term.

Improving your self esteem will improve your demeanour. You want to be working on everything that is within your control while accepting that there are somethings you can't change. We all need to play with the cards we were dealt.

sliprymdgt · 2021-08-12T05:12:05+00:00

What makes you enjoy life? Do that more.

How can you excel at work? Or get a different job that you wouldn't mind working hard in?

Do 10 push ups tonight. Do 11 tomorrow.

You are not worthless. Life being a struggle does not make it bad or not worth living. There's nothing wrong with failing, nothing wrong with starting over, nothing wrong with asking for help.

You're down, but that doesn't mean you have to be hopeless.

Do you have a friend you can talk about this with in person?

Lasshgoo · 2021-08-12T08:35:36+00:00

This is coming from a 5”7ish fella who only had sex once.

You’re severely ill in the head to the point idk if you will accept help or try to get better. Now good job on talking to a therapist but try new therapists! Don’t just get stuck on one therapist and think end of all things. I’ve personally had 2 different therapists. Both are good but there’s always down sides to each one and that’s fine. But as long as you’re proactively finding and trying to get help will make you mentally feel more better

Many incels that I’ve seen on the net, I’ve realised they are not willing to get help. They’re just depressed and just look at help n advice face value and not really looking into putting the effort to get better. Tbh bro it all starts with you. No one else. Y O U.

Look at others things to do in life than think about sex all the time. There’s your job (if u have one), family, friends, school (University or course), etc etc.. there’s so much things to do bro. Just go outside and look around. It’s not always dark and gloomy. The sunrises and the sunsets. How bout this.. have you tried going to a club? Night club, a bar? Have you tried going to a concert? Have you tried going to a football game? Have you tried exploring your state (assuming you from the US that is). There’s so many things to try and look forward to than women.

Women will come your way and don’t you worry I’m no blue pill type of guy but life gets better with time. 25 is not old you got a long way to live

Get better bro!

Also try the bropill subreddit. Full of good tips and advices. And everybody greatly enhances each other’s knowledge on men and majority if not all are men.

PhuzeBall · 2021-08-16T21:11:44+00:00

Get really good Hobbies (Incels might refer to this as Copes), there's nothing wrong with copes as long as you are doing it for yourself and not to seek attention from girls (whomever). Also doing something that's fun but a bit outsite of your comfort zone gives you some excitement/thrill (for me it was climbing a mountain solo on a weekend), yours could be sky-diving, traveling, etc... (Dopamine rushes are a good way to kill Incel thoughts though I guess don't do drugs lol).

elperorojo · 2021-08-18T23:28:33+00:00

My dude, I’ve seen “ugly” short men that are very popular with women. Luckily for men, women are not as critical of men’s looks as men are of women’s looks.

You got a 5.9 out of 10? That’s above average. If you’re not getting laid, it’s not your looks it’s your attitude. I don’t know you so I don’t know how to advise you on how to change your attitude but no one wants to hang with or fuck a miserable self-hating buzzkill. You have to stop basing your self-esteem on how you think women see you. You need a hobby or occupation or activity that brings you joy and that you can be proud of and you need to cut out things and people that make you sad.

I’ve had depression, I know it’s not “sadness”, it’s so much more. But it can also be contextual - cutting toxic shit out of your life can help.

Hope this isn’t coming across as harsh. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best

ummetinlideri · 2021-08-11T23:15:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I'm an incel. Please help me
Author	ummetinlideri
Upvotes	18
Comments	137
Date	August 11, 2021 9:03 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/p2m31n/im_an_incel_please_help_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/im-an-incel-please-help-me.958814 https://theredarchive.com/post/958814

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