Almost there… regrets?

OkEmphasis5923 · 2025-01-02T22:52:40+00:00

People do make mistakes and if there's kids in the middle I would be willing to consider the possibility of postponing the divorce. I say postponing because mentally you should assume that you will end up getting divorced one day unless something actually changes in your marriage. If she holds herself accountable, reads books, does therapy, and works on herself to figure out what drove her to seek divorce then there's a chance it may work out. If you do the work to understand any part that you may have had in her seeking a divorce that is also really important. Without these things it won't work. If she's hoping life will go back to normal and you both can sweep this divorce saga under the rug then just proceed with the divorce.

darkerwithin · 2025-01-02T13:13:19+00:00

She gets nothing now other than she no longer has any control.

What will change if you choose not to go through with the divorce? Nothing.

Complete the divorce.

No-Asparagus6937 · 2025-01-02T07:34:47+00:00

I second guessed myself a week ago. she returned and begged me to give her a second chance. we spent two days together with our son. I was assessing her. Did she change? No. Was there any REAL remorse? No. she asked me to put aside what happened and continue. She needs the fixer back in her life. Help her out, pay the bills, be emotionally there for her in difficult times but I am no longer that man. That man died when i learned about the affair. During the 6 months I met other women and I understood that I am not an abusive boring husband. Women enjoyed spending time with me. Why would I go back to a person that cheated and disrespected me because I was a working hard father? No man, move on. Plenty of fish in the sea. You just got unlucky with the crazy one. I promise you, you ll be happier without her in your life.

Character-Change-507 · 2025-01-01T23:36:49+00:00

Nope. She wanted this life despite my best efforts to convince her otherwis. We both have to live with it. Im thriving while she's falling

Exotic-Belt-6847 · 2025-01-01T23:34:19+00:00

These women are simply unstable. Im going through it as we speak and seek advice myself but I can tell you this: If you werent worth it before, you wont be worth it in the future and neither of us want to be 70 and she finds some 50 year old that makes her feel sexy and it happens all over again. Point is……. she doesnt understand a valuable mate. She is fucked up in the head and thinks she is deserving of things that are likely un-realistic. Stay the course, find yourself, find happiness in your own solitude and before you know it the universe will surprise you with what you deserve. If you are meant for each other it will come back together in time in your terms so for now, enjoy yourself, your new found freedom and do whatever the fuck you want.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-01-01T20:39:26+00:00

she “gets it now” and desperately wants to preserve the family,

No. She sees how her life style wont be the same and now she wants a do-over. The family is an after thought.

Q-72 · 2025-01-01T18:50:56+00:00

Hang in there. Her change of heart might be more about fear than anything real. Trust yourself, you’re doing what’s best for you

Commercial_Music_931 · 2025-01-01T17:14:15+00:00

So the other dude that was railing her decided he didn't want to commit so now she's desperately trying to salvage the situation and continue to use you to pay for her living. Atleast until she starts setting up another dude to monkey branch to.

Don't fall for the games bro. You know deep down what's going on. It's tough of course and it hurts but you gatta end this before she wastes more years of your life.

Whatever you decide to do I hope it brings you some peace.

Mental_Antelope_7202 · 2025-01-01T17:02:07+00:00

I would wonder what happened that she "gets it now". Was it another man that is no longer there? And what does she get now that she didn't get before?

I'm all for married couples working it out and finding a way to stay together because I think in the long run, if you are able to address your differences and find solutions, it works out best for the family.

itoocouldbeanyone · 2025-01-01T15:56:31+00:00

Nope. I tried at the beginning and it failed, she was dead set. So I met her expectations and said goodbye to the marriage.

lonelySoulThrowAway · 2025-01-01T14:22:06+00:00

I don't have the full background on what circumstances she filed. And how much time between she filed and asked you for a second chance. Yes you maybe hurt on getting blindsided by her filing but in case regret is genuine then maybe you should see if you were also happy before she filed, if you were not then go ahead and don't budge. But if you have some doubts then rethink internally and only if you want then give her second chance.

I had similar situation, was being carpet bombed by divorce threats and she had also filed but after a couple of hearings, she was trying to get back into the game again. But by that time I had asked her to come back 101 times before even proceeding and going ahead from my side. Even then I asked if she regretted or felt sorry on how she behaved with me and she just denied being sorry at all (as if I deserved all the abuse).

I got my answer and went in full throttle. Had she regretted and asked for forgiveness I would have considered therapy and reconciliation ... but she was being her old self and I knew I was not the old myself who was a doormat before. Even on the last day she was unsure and had cold feet, I made her understand and thus, today I am a much stress free state than I have been in a decade.

CrazySanta7 · 2025-01-01T13:42:20+00:00

She 'gets it now'? No, she went for plan A. It failed, and she's crawling back to plan B. Ironically, she will lose respect for you 'taking her back,' and you'll be doing this again. Stay strong and proceed. Therapy/counseling seldom helps at this point. Good luck, bro

DivorceTA1988 · 2025-01-01T12:17:13+00:00

Do not go backwards. You didn’t break your vows she did. She doesn’t miss you, she misses your work. She isn’t truly regretful, the guy she was banging dumped her.

Telling our kids (9&6 at the time) was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do and a vowed to never put them through that again. Reconciling would only eventually lead to them reliving all the trauma again.

My ex wife tried again and again but I stayed firm and now our divorce is final and the kids are doing well. I pushed through by knowing the truth

FUMoney · 2025-01-01T09:43:10+00:00

Push through. Sounds like she isn’t getting everything she wants via the divorce process. Now is the time for you to step on the accelerator and get it done.

More generally, she filed. Women do not file for divorce until they’ve thought about it long and hard, and put together a future that zeroes out the ex. Do what you want, but, I would never, ever trust a wife who initiated divorce against me. You cannot unfire that cannon.

Also, read many of the stories by people who started to divorce, backtracked, and years later seriously regret the indecision. You know if your marriage is over. Is it? Do you want your freedom from this person? PS do not stay in a shit relationship “for the kids.” Worst decision you could make.

warwww · 2025-01-01T09:13:49+00:00

A tough one. She’s already shown you that she’s willing and able to have your kids grow up around and be raised by other men and for her to entertain the thought of sleeping with other men. She has little loyalty to both you and your kids. When times get tough she’ll fold and disregard her vows and promises to not just you but her family.

Tread carefully. You didn’t file, she did.

Title	Almost there… regrets?
Author	SeriousVacation1017
Upvotes	18
Comments	22
Date	January 1, 2025 8:38 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hqz1nb/almost_there_regrets/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/almost-there-regrets.1540062 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540062

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