Ban cursing/swearing??

Boomhower113 · 2025-04-12T01:10:09+00:00

Since there’s no way for her to enforce it, and nobody is truly harmed if you violate it, anyway; this seems like an easy one to agree to with a counter if there’s something you want from her in return. I’ll agree to that if you’ll agree to…whatever.

That’s the key I’m with these things. They want these little bullshit requirements that mean nothing, but you can use that to get something substantive.

Otherwise, have your son pass along the message to her to fuck off. (I’m joking about using the kid to communicate. Don’t do that.)

Another option: Insist that she list every single prohibited word in her draft of the proposed decree with the understanding that everything not on the list is fair game.

No judge is going to sign something that has “cock, pussy, fuck, balls, cunt and big floppy donkey dick” in it.

It just might make her realize how stupid this requirement is.

HusbandGettingBetter · 2025-04-11T19:50:27+00:00

She is trying to control your behavior around the kids.

While a non-disparagement clause is not uncommon, a no swearing clause is unheard of.

Tell her no.

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2025-04-11T13:51:13+00:00

For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-04-11T13:10:05+00:00

Fuck no!

cschoonmaker · 2025-04-11T06:58:37+00:00

The only way the court could include something like that within the final divorce decree is if you both voluntarily agree to it. If you say no, the court cannot include a restriction on your speech. It would be a violation of your Constitutional rights under the 1st Amendment. They can include wording that you cannot disparage the other parent. But a blanket ban on certain words? Nope.

Positive_Rub_6696 · 2025-04-11T06:22:34+00:00

Here’s a story:

After I moved out and my (then) stbx, long story short, found my Fourth Step (in AA, personal inventory of your fears, resentments, sex, etc.) and read at least some of my resentments while I was not in the room. She took offense and disagreed with what I had written. For the record, it didn’t matter if we had the same opinion- it was MY resentment. Anyway, she tried to get me destroy it (the paper it was written on). I refused, as it was an important part of my 12 Step recovery and I needed it still. When we went to court weeks later, she tried to get it forced on to me by the judge that I must destroy that paper.

The fact was, it was unenforceable. The judge dismissed her request out of hand.

My point is, you cussing - outside of whether it’s right or wrong or whatever- is not something that can be enforced. Not unless the court were to make your kids testify against you that, “yeah, daddy says the f-word.” That’s putting your kids in a terrible position and the court will not want to do that.

Having said all that, you do catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. My advice is to agree it’s best for you to not cuss in front of them, that you’ll do your best, then actually do your best to curb the language. This divorce thing is a marathon, not a sprint. This is a relative “win” for her that really doesn’t cost you anything to keep some semblance of good will

VenomIsMyHero · 2025-04-11T05:54:48+00:00

I would say stop until the divorce IS final.

Eric_C_Productions · 2025-04-11T04:40:56+00:00

You are the father. You are the role model. Do you want to hear your kids cursing at you and your family? Or in casual conversations with their friends? They are 10 and 13. Not 20ish men who are in college or beyond. Listen, I am no angel and I have said and done things in front of the kids that I'm not proud of.

I remember when I was 9 and 10 and I cursed like a sailor. I never said it around my parents (back then, parents would have kicked our butt if they heard us curse) but at school, I had the worst mouth. Fast forward to being a parent. I try to limit how much I would curse in front of them,.

My ex-wife would be the opposite. She still does. My boys are 20 and 21 now and yet I restrain myself from cursing. There is a time and place for that. I will give a you perfect example of something that happened today. You tell me if this is ok to be cursing around your kids....

My son lives away at college and comes home every weekend. My wife works alot now and is hardly home. During his spring break he cleaned out the yard that has been neglected for over a year. He removed some dead trees and cleaned the yard. Made it look nice. That was two weeks ago. I talked to my son this evening and he told me that his mom, my ex-wife, texted him and said, "Who the f@#k gave you the right to remove the tree? You don't live here. Who are you to come by my house and do that? Stay at your college. I don't want you to come by my house."

This is my crazy ex flipping out because of something so trivial. That is what i had to put up with for 20 years.

So what I am trying to say, you need to really control your cursing around your kids. There is a time and a place for it and cursing around your 10 and 13 isnt really appropriate.

RedRibbon3KS · 2025-04-11T03:49:24+00:00

Only agree to the minimum amount that is needed. You can always say no to whatever she proposes. She is being controlling and she really has no authority with what happens at your place (unless it is a safety issue). Just say no to this

Smoovie32 · 2025-04-11T03:32:31+00:00

What do you mean condition of divorce? As is the parenting plan? If you agree to it, she can have it in there I suppose. But then there is the enforcement aspect, which will be near impossible. And if you do? What will a judge do exactly? Any judge that makes a custody decision based on someone being a potty mouth is asking for a disbarment hearing.

Hold firm and say this is not a legal document decision. Alternatively, think of something that drives you crazy about her in relation to the kids and counter with that. Paramour clause, background checks on all overnight guests, prior approval on all babysitters, required amounts or colors of clothing. Get creative.

lurkermurphy · 2025-04-11T03:07:32+00:00

yes she can do it and are you prepared to go in front of a judge and explain why you demand the right to say bad words in front of a 10-year-old? they turn around and say it in school and then Mom hears about it, that's why she's asking for this

pmbrenner91 · 2025-04-11T02:55:12+00:00

wut the fuck

Title	Ban cursing/swearing??
Author	SubstantialMonk5
Upvotes	10
Comments	28
Date	April 11, 2025 2:54 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jwfvvs/ban_cursingswearing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ban-cursingswearing.1549202 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549202

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