Child Support, and Custody: What Am I Missing?

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2021-08-30T01:49:04+00:00

Great post. Millions of fathers ask the same question while paying child support without even seeing their children. Mothers usually make the life of fathers hell for daring to ask for 50/50.

To answer your question is simple: Feed the system. This includes the lawyers, the parenting coordinators, judges, therapists, counsellors, children protective services. They all feed off of desperate fathers wanting to see their kids.

The sooner more men realize the system is rigged, the less suffering kids and fathers will have.

25_years · 2021-08-30T13:02:39+00:00

why not let that parent pay for that custody themselves?

Here's a dirty little secret of American Family Courts. Divorce was rare 100 years ago. But when it happened, THE FATHER almost always got custody. Why? Because he could afford to raise the kids. This policy made sense to a lot of people for a long time.

But lawyers and Big Daddy Government realized they could profit by turning this upside-down. Give the kids to the parent who CANNOT afford to be a parent. Make the ABLE parent pay for everything, but strip him of his kids. Title IV-D gives courts the incentive to order more lopsided orders. And the lawyers encourage the parents to fight, so more billable hours for them.

It's a great system ^{^if} ^{^you} ^{^like} ^{^Nazis.}

TheRealDrWan · 2021-08-30T13:33:01+00:00

Theoretically the child support is not going to your ex, it’s going to your child.

I know that may not exactly be reality and it surely does not feel that way, but that money is for your child.

SzDiverge · 2021-08-30T14:10:51+00:00

I read your whole post and this part is all I can really see:

|I wasn't so sure that her mother would have gone nuclear and try to turn the whole thing into a legal and financial nightmare.

Seriously.. WTF man? How can you complain about what you have to pay when you didn't even fight to get equal time with your kids.

How are you so SURRREEE she would have created a nightmare? Because she said so?

My STBX did something similar. We discussed 50/50 then she served me with papers and wanted full custody and 80% plus parenting time. What was my response? I told her that no fucking way would I settle for anything less than 50/50. There was NOTHING that warranted anything but equal time. I said I'd take it all the way to court if necessary.

What did she do? First mediation session, she backed right down and did what was reasonable.

Did you do mediation? Did you know that most divorces are resolved through mediation? My STBX loved to talk tough, but at the end of the day she doesn't want legal fees anymore than I do, so at the last second, she always finds a way to reach agreement before it gets expensive.

I don't know your situation, but from what you wrote, it looks like you didn't even try. That's pretty sad!

You'll see a lot of guys on here spew shit about how the system is so stacked against us and it's impossible.. etc.. but the fact is that things are slowly changing. Unless we actually FIGHT for our kids, it'll just regress.

Here in MN, the courts push for 50/50 and you have to have a really good reason to not get it. I know it's not the same everywhere, but it is getting better.

You should have at least told her that you'd take her to court and see what she did.. doesn't sound like you did that.

pegleg_legal · 2021-08-30T03:27:22+00:00

Because it's not about you, it's about the kid. Why should your kid be punished and have an even shittier life with only one income to support them when you two couldn't get your shit together? Practically, the parent with more time has more expenses.

I would have pushed for sole (or at least primary) custody of my daughter if I wasn't so sure that her mother would have gone nuclear and try to turn the whole thing into a legal and financial nightmare. So now I'm wondering: if one parent wants custody of the child(ren) bad enough to battle it out in courts, then why not let that parent pay for that custody themselves? Why demand that the losing parent pay for losing???

Woulda shoulda coulda. You didn't fight in order to save money and hardship, short term. Now you're gonna pay long term. The fucked up thing is that even if you fought, you may still have to pay long term. Such is the risk, such is life.

Why should the "losing" parent pay?

Because losers always pay and to the winners go the spoils.

strutt3r · 2021-08-30T12:10:51+00:00

Custody and child support are two different things. You're not paying for the privilege of time with your child, you're paying to support them. More specifically so the tax payer won't end up stuck with the tab.

If you're worried about how they're spending the money, only advice I have is grow the fuck up.

Every decision you've made in your life, every step you've taken is what brought you to where you are now and until you learn to accept some accountability you'll never break the cycle.

vo_boi · 2021-08-30T03:29:00+00:00

How would she go nuclear?

Jbr74 · 2021-08-30T13:30:55+00:00

The simplest answer: Feminism & double standards.

BrkHeart5252 · 2021-09-28T16:07:23+00:00

I managed to get 50/50 of my two kids but yhe court still orders me to pay 100% CS as if she has full custody on top of spousal support. The system is broken. Don't get married.

Title	Child Support, and Custody: What Am I Missing?
Author	askingforafreddit
Upvotes	10
Comments	33
Date	August 30, 2021 12:35 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/pe7ek4/child_support_and_custody_what_am_i_missing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/child-support-and-custody-what-am-i-missing.1066280 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066280

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