Circling the drain

Chemical-Eye-1828 · 2026-02-01T00:58:46+00:00

Sorry to hear this. I’ve been there and worse. The way I was able to get through it was to use it as a catalyst for self transformation. I dug deep into myself and began to realize how much I had done to get things to such a terrible place. Through taking full responsibility for my actions I was able to find a way to become a better man. We’re still separated but today we spent a few hours as a family doing family things like watching a show together. I have realized that I had to do the hard work on myself for myself because I want to be a better man not just husband. She has seen my changes and is slowly becoming more comfortable with the possibility of not getting divorced but also she has her guard up just in case I back track. Basically I am working on myself and it’s affected our marriage in a positive way. Not sure what the future holds but I win either way as I’m becoming a better man and I’m optimistic about the future with or without her.

Hope this helps you

Unsainted_smoke · 2026-01-31T14:42:44+00:00

I’m guessing she’s late 30’s early 40’s? Anyway, sounds a lot like how my marriage went down. Small arguments turned in to big ones and you could never understand her point of view and all you wanted was an explanation but she says you’re a narcissist and she just doesn’t have the time to teach you. There’s nothing you can do to change her mind. Just because you disagree with her, doesn’t make you the enemy.

So I have 2 young boys with my ex, 7 and 4. I left 15 months and it was devastating to think that I would never get to tuck them in again after doing it every single night of their lives. But after a few months, you become a different person if you’re willing to do the work on yourself to become a better person. You no longer have to worry about her as an anchor bringing your mood down and you’ll find yourself having fun again. Your kids will see this new version of you and then they will get the very best of you without the negativity of her trying to kill your spirit. It is very hard but I promise you will be better off for it.

Organize yourself. Get a lawyer, and get any cash or assets protected the best you can. Don’t fight over giving her what she deserves because she gave you a couple of beautiful children. Get yourself a therapist that understands what a divorced dad will go through because having someone to bounce ideas off is important to stop you spiraling. If you wanna chat, DM me. I got you brother

ObjectiveSalt1635 · 2026-01-31T11:42:20+00:00

I’ve been in a similar situation. It lasted six years. Sit down and write your eulogy. Think about how you want to be remembered by family friends. Your kids and your wife. Think about if you are divorced how you would want her to think of you. Do you want her to think about you as that asshole, or do you want her to think - he really was a standup guy and great throughout the divorce.

Then go try to be that guy. When it’s hard and you can’t, just survive. Just get through the day. In a divorce everything feels urgent and important. It’s not. There’s tons of time and it takes a while. Let time do its thing.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-01-31T07:47:47+00:00

The only thing worse than fighting against a divorce she wants is accepting one she doesn’t.

probebeta · 2026-01-31T07:40:46+00:00

This means shes done and probably has a replacement lined up. Wrap it up and dont talk to her. No love talk, no fixing, no her criticizing you, you're done now too. Your job now is you and your kids, be the best you can, and please don't take her back. Good luck

Boglehead101 · 2026-01-31T07:37:42+00:00

Firstly it nearly broke me. I grieved hard for the marriage and my children for 6 or 8 months.

What would I do;

Exercise, listen to music / podcasts, rekindle old friendships, spend time with your family, bring your kids skiing, walk, swim in the sea. Binge watch Netflix. Work harder. I did all these and it helped me. I also had a therapist.

Things however took a really positive turn when my female lawyer suggested I start online dating. I was waiting until I had my own place but she told me not to. There’s a big thing about not leaving the home (negotiation point) and property prices and rents here are crazy anyway.

After a few dates I met a beautiful woman (widow with children) whos really into me, the time we spend together has been great. I’ve had more sex in 3 months than I had in the previous 5 years of marriage. I never think of my wife now and look forward to getting away from her and her nonsense.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-01-31T05:31:44+00:00

Hire a private investigator

Title	Circling the drain
Author	Novel_Page_5510
Upvotes	16
Comments	35
Date	January 31, 2026 5:20 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qrtkc9/circling_the_drain/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/circling-the-drain.1572372 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572372

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