Curious if anyone was aching for or really looking forward to get divorced and found that is was harder than they imagined it would be

fixingmedaybyday · 2025-04-21T20:24:36+00:00

When the marriage started going south, the therapist asked us if either of us had thought of divorce. I said, yes, but not that I wanted to divorce, but that I was scared that's where we were heading. Dead bedroom, focus only on her work and extended family, her just being controlling, cold and mean. I was terrified of it, but I didn't want her to be so cruel and cold and dismissive towards me any more. We tried to work through things, seemed to be getting better, then COVID hit.

And then she hit me one day with it in 2021. And it was gut-wrenching. And has been for years now.

Her friends threw her a divorce party, planned vacations and getaways together and partied it up. My friends just said "you're better off now", stopped asking how I was and just changed the topic if I mentioned anything about the divorce or recovery from.

It's not about things being "harder" like cooking, cleaning, other chores or bills or anything like that. That stuff's easy. The hard part is just the sucking chest wound she's left in my soul. It's realizing I am just completely on my own now. Nobody cares, nobody wants to hear even a slight murmur of frustration and nobody's coming to save me. There's nobody there to share in those special moments that I have with my son, nobody to bounce ideas off of, to plan the future with and nobody to look forward to waking up next to.

It's just me and occasionally my son.

And it's harder than I ever imagined.

Still, I don't think being back in that toxic hell hole of a marriage is worth it either. I have more friends now, have a great job, more freedom, a small business and all the toys she never would have let me buy. I even just bought a house with the buy-out money she had to give me and it's got more land, a better layout and is only 25 years old, which is a huge improvement over the money pit she insisted we buy years back.

I think the absolute hardest part of all of it it is missing the ghost of who she never was. Missing the ghost of what I thought I had - a loving and supporting life partner and realizing that I had somehow fallen in love with something she could never really be.

whoneedsroads · 2025-04-08T23:54:06+00:00

I was dreading it. Expecting the worst...and honestly it wasn't so bad. Not easy but not so bad

CharacterProper8732 · 2025-04-06T21:27:57+00:00

I wanted the divorce and it still fucking sucked. But still, best thing that could have happened to me by every objective measure.

Normal-Employee-5618 · 2025-04-06T04:03:12+00:00

Our relationship was dead, dead bedroom for a while she made a few lame attempts to shut me up. I finally am leaving thought it would be easy now shes full blown manipulative guilt trippin hysterical bonding and “trying” but i checked out… she gets in my head and pants though and she isn’t working so i cant leave till shes working again or ill be homeless.

Lonely_Panda4322 · 2025-04-05T20:11:39+00:00

Ex asking for moon and stars and won’t even agree for us to talk. Mediation coming up but I’m not confident a deal would be reached as she’s being coached by her family members.

NewDay0110 · 2025-04-05T06:06:31+00:00

That's what she said

FormerDog · 2025-04-05T03:37:41+00:00

Not looking forward to it per se but I was unhappy and I initiated it. And sure, the fight and the battle was (and still is) harder than I imagined. But all the things I thought would be hard - being alone, dating, getting laid, improving myself - have been way easier than I expected.

More importantly, the sense of freedom I have now, the free time, the weight off my shoulders of a crumbling relationship, the negativity out of my life, has made it all worth it.

frogmicky · 2025-04-05T03:34:58+00:00

Yes my STBXW thought it would be a cakewalk if she did it herself.

No_Pace2396 · 2025-04-05T03:23:30+00:00

I thought I’d be free, finally. Mostly lost my kid, good chunk of net worth sent to lawyers, discarded by just about everybody, and it’s not over until ex says it’s over. Before ex went too far my plan was to just keep being a dad, sleeping on the couch and saying yes dear until kids were out and I could just walk off and not come back. That’s what I should’ve done. Now plan is to pay child support and get what time I can with kids, then walk off and not come back.

donkeykong64123 · 2025-04-05T03:23:18+00:00

I wasn't aching for divorce, but it was something I felt was necessary. I didn't imagine my ex becoming this vindictive, vengeful and making decisions purely on anger, which made divorce incredibly costly.

She took our child and didn't allow me to see her for weeks at a time.

Children's services had to be involved.
Failed mediation
3 seperate judge conferences.
1 successful parenting motion in my favor, which granted me 50/50.

Absolute chaos and stress and wasre of money but it was worth it to get away from that monster. If I didn't fight She would have insisted on sole custody and she would not allow me to see my daughter ever again.

HerbEverstanks · 2025-04-05T03:13:06+00:00

Yes, when the other person doesn't agree with anything, simple divorce with no kids, turned into a 4 plus year ordeal and a 125k lawyer fee joke.

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