How much does history of abuse, or a documented case of domestic violence play into divorce settlements? I was abused by my wife. 1 count of domestic violence (pending court case), 3-4 counts of undocumented physical violence, regular verbal abuse, financial irresponsibility, sleep deprivation, interrupting work meetings at home, neglect of home. Here is my long story:

I have been married for 15 months, in Maryland. My wife was arrested last month for violence against me (smashed my phone and bit my fingers and hand) and has a pending court case in January. I ran away onto the street with my work cell and called 911. The cops took notes, and I offered to uber away to a relative’s house so she would not have to be taken in custody that night. Police later came back 3-4 days later with a warrant and arrested her.

Still living together. She doesn’t have a job, and our senior dog was originally hers. I felt bad she spent a night in jail with hardened criminals so I picked her up as soon as she was released after 1 night in central booking. We have lived together for 3 years, although she went back and forth to her mother’s until marriage. She lost her job in 2021 just as she planned to move in with me, and I stayed committed as she lied about her education and job prospects. I was an idiot who double downed on a lost cause every step of the way.

I am a very stress-tolerant, chill guy who missed all the warning signs. History of rage, threatening behavior. In the past it was directed at other people, and at people with questionable characters so I let it slide. Now that our (mostly “my”) social circle wants nothing to do with her, she’s taking it out on me with constant drama, verbal abuse. 100% of the time I have to calm her down, even if when I have been abused. All the red flags of instability, narcissism, manipulation that you guys wrote about exists within this girl.

She won’t agree to divorce by mutual consent even though I wanted to give her almost all of my cash savings ($10k), any tax returns (about $10k), and offer to help with the dog’s food and vet bills (probably $10k). She said I would have to go through a lawyer. I calculated that I may legally owe her $24000 (half of 401k and Roth IRA value during marriage term). My premarital home has a lot of wear and tear, pest problems due to her food messes (had to a hire a pest control service).

I feel she intends to screw me over out of emotion. How much does history of abuse play into financial settlements? I journal here and there, and have a log of some of her abuse in detail despite my very best efforts to hide her abuse from family and friends.