"Equitable Distribution"

sc1617 · 2025-09-03T13:40:41+00:00

If you earned the money during the marriage, it's not your money, it's marital. So any any investments you made with that money, as well as any of the investment growth, during the marriage, is half hers. Separate accounts don't matter. Only thing that protects is the value of the account before you got married, so you should at least see if you can see the value of the account on the date you were married. Sorry...sucks but that's how it works.

pk2at · 2025-09-01T03:21:58+00:00

There is significant difference in assets, you need to do some prep work before filing. Under no circumstance should you declare that $1M voluntarily while filing. You can check this forum or my previous posts, there are several ways to convert your marital property into separate property or at least ensure you don't get screwed in a 50:50 split

Dazzling-Compote-394 · 2025-08-31T16:28:25+00:00

Welp it seems like I have two options: 1) Keep growing my investment and become so filthy rich that even if I give her 50% it doesn't matter. 2) Grow her account for her so it becomes equivalent in value to mine.

UnknownUsername113 · 2025-08-31T15:21:33+00:00

Without a prenup you entered into the marriage with the understanding that everything would be split 50/50. The fact that you kept things separate doesn’t matter.

Combine everything and split it in half… that’s how much she’ll get.

Child support will be minor. I have about the same difference in income (in Illinois) and pay her $470 per month including insurance. There’s a support calculator for Illinois online that can help you get a close figure. I have 50/50 split so that’s something to consider as well. You could always go for full custody and it would probably reduce payments but it’s not in the best interests of the kids unless she’s a crackhead. Highly doubt that’s the case if she’s got $125k in the bank.

Now… if you agree together that you each keep your fair share then you may get lucky but I can promise you she will come after your investments since you likely made those investments with the understanding that it would be for both of you.

I don’t pay alimony because she shacked up with another man before our divorce. See if you can introduce her to some unlucky fella.

DetroiterInTX · 2025-08-31T13:54:24+00:00

There will be a lot of your investments passed over—add everything and split it 50/50. I would recommend using cash from investments rather than transferring 401k funds to even them up. That shouldn’t be an issue give the assets here, relatively small difference in 401ks.

ng_rddt · 2025-08-31T12:21:44+00:00

You have nearly a million more in assets than she does. I don’t think it will be a 50/50 split. Get the opinion of 2-3 lawyers by asking for free initial consultations. In each meeting, explicitly ask them to tell you what kind of split you think you will get.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-08-31T12:18:02+00:00

Don’t know your state so won’t comment on your split. In my case I was able to prove and separate assets from before marriage not commingled or contributed to from income during the marriage. In one account I had contributions pre and post marriage and was able to negotiate a percentage split. All that aside you have to assess your risk going forward if you stay in the marriage and then divorce years later. Highly likely. Also, the sooner you do it the more time you have to rebuild financially and personal growth.

94Questra · 2025-08-31T10:58:36+00:00

Unfortunately the comments regarding marital property are correct. The stuff that was in your account prior to the marriage is yours, but once you are married? Those funds are subject to division. IL has a statutory calculation for the distribution of funds for child support and maintenance (alimony) based upon the length of the marriage, income, etc.

Depending on how contentious the divorce is, you guys can negotiate a disposition that you'd both agree to but if you think litigation is in your future you also need to take into account marital property (house, cars etc) in addition to the assets you listed above.

Plastic_Canary_6637 · 2025-08-31T06:28:44+00:00

Yes you’re kind of screwed. None of this separation stuff matters unless you didn’t deposit anything into those accounts after you were married. Once you use income earned during the marriage to fund those accounts they are considered marital property regardless of who made the money. In this case you’d get half her cash she’d get half your investments

upvotersfortruth · 2025-08-31T05:58:38+00:00

You can get out without too much damage - you’re pretty much as close to an ideal financial situation as possible for minimal exchange. You should start with demanding half the difference of her savings and zero alimony because she’s fully capable of supporting herself. As for child support - should be statutory or a downward departure. Reserve the issue of college tuition. In the end, let her keep her savings so long as she waives alimony permanently and child support works out. This should NOT be a contentious divorce

Edit: Remember, whatever position you start from, you’ll get less / she’ll get more. Ideally she should make the first offer, or you should lowball.

Gattsama · 2025-08-31T05:49:46+00:00

It would be a 50/50 split of ALL communal assets and debts. For example, if you had $40k in your 401k when you married and $100k now. Then have of the increase during the marriage = 30k goes to her.

Real world you can not divide everything. So you balance everything. Add up ALL communal assets and debts, divide by 2 and that's what you each get.

You can take on more debt, give her more assets, etc.. as long as it balances out. I kept my retirement accounts, she kept the crypto, we each had equal assets. I worked, she didn't, we owed $40k in taxes, I got a $20k credit from her against assets and paid it off. Etc. Etc

Spousal support is unlikely if you make equal money, or likely to be very small.

Child support, in theory is only for the child, is normally based on a calculation by the state (look up for IL) and is not negotiable. Then based on the number of midnights with each parent (aim for 50/50). Then corrected for income. This varies a lot by state so talk to a local attorney but here's an example.

Parent A makes $100k and parent B makes $100k. There is one minor child that requires $100/day in support. The parents have joint custody and residency at 50/50. Each parent pays 50% of support to the other, which cancels out. No CS payments.

Same as above but parent A has kids 26 days per month and B every other weekend 4 days per month. So A gets $2600 and B gets $400. But they don't make A pay, so B pays A $2200 per month.

Last example. But this time A makes $100k and B makes $50k. Even 50/50 there's an 'unfair burden' on B, so (make-believe) a 50% differential is applied and B will receive $50/day = $750 in CS.

Keep in mind that the 50/50 asset and debt split is the base. And then spousal support and child support or calculations made separately! Also keep in mind that the only debt you can be imprisoned for is unpaid CS (even unpaid taxes won't put you in jail).

Talk to a local attorney about what is typical in your county and state.

Slowloris81 · 2025-08-31T04:00:37+00:00

Generally speaking, whatever is made during the marriage is subject to equitable distribution. It doesn’t matter if the accounts are separate.

The only assured asset that is generally immune is if it’s premarital and kept premarital (i.e., no commingling with marital funds).

But you need to consult an IL lawyer and IL law to see how it shakes out in your state.

streetsmartwallaby · 2025-08-31T03:54:45+00:00

I had several retirement accounts coming into the marriage and one that started when got married. When we separated I had to give her 1/2 the increase in each one during the marriage. So if account A increased by $50k during the marriage I had to give her $25k.

_uCanDoBetterBrO_ · 2025-08-31T03:37:56+00:00

It’s nearly impossible not to commingle separate property into marital due to any money earned and then spent during the marriage is considered marital funds regardless of who earned it or whose separate account it went to. You could have a separate premarital account that you never contribute marital funds into and still face losing any growth that occurs during the marriage. Talk to an attorney in your area, I could be wrong! Also, once the divorce begins get it done as fast as possible, preferably by agreement since the two of you are both financially stable/ fairly well off. Don’t assume she’s going to be reasonable and not try to take you for every penny she thinks she can get, especially once lawyers get involved. Good luck man

Bagman220 · 2025-08-31T03:28:39+00:00

It’s going to depend on what state you live in.

There’s a good chance you won’t pay maintenance. Child support often goes by how much time you have with the kids. Push for 50/50 at a minimum and there may be some child support owed, but it might end up being a wash since your salaries are close. Lastly, the part that sucks is the 1m in investments. Be prepared to lose half and then call it a day.

Your ex can certainly settle for less than half. If you have a good settlement offer, and it seems fair, they might just accept it to move the divorce forward.

Good luck man…

Title	"Equitable Distribution"
Author	Dazzling-Compote-394
Upvotes	6
Comments	18
Date	August 31, 2025 3:20 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1n4kbpf/equitable_distribution/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/equitable-distribution.1560918 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560918

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