My soon to be ex wife is a narcissist. I made the mistake of trying and trying and trying to get things to work instead of spotting all the red flags and running early. We had a child, who is in many ways as loving and amazing as I wished her mother had been.

I finally had the clarity and grew the balls to divorce her, and she just increased her toxicity telling anyone that would listen made up stories. I’ve spent 15k so far trying to get a parenting agreement and everything w the home figured out but mediations went nowhere and she refuses all settlement meeting requests.

I hired a GAL and finally got the report which recommends 50/50 parenting, which is so hard to get in my state. I still don’t know what will happen that is a big win for me.

Here is the kicker tho, I somehow still miss her. 9 months later. She literally never showed any love or compassion and actually made me Feel terrible most of the time. But something about her makes it so hard to move on from her. I’m literally at a wedding out of state all weekend with the amazing girl, who shows so much affection, really smart and gorgeous, yet I go to bed wondering if I Could have somehow “fixed” things. I know I couldn’t.

Not quite sure why im posting this. The route is never the same, a lot of days I feel good about being single and focusing kn career and kids. Other days I feel lonely as shit. Im a tall, good looking dude who makes good money. Im always hearing people say it will be so easy to find the right girl. Just want you to know we all struggle some days/weeks.there is a duality to this. I get the news I’ll probably get 50/50 which is amazing, but also reminds Me im one step closer to all the being over. It’s both great and terrible all at once. Hopefully we all move on in time and find a healthy mate to share this journey with!