First nights without the kids

GurSpecialist9176 · 2025-07-16T03:42:28+00:00

Yeah that’s tough for sure. Much like most people are saying, finding ways to stay busy is key. Projects, exercise, gaming with buddies. I’m 4 months out and the first couple nights each week without them are quiet and sad. It’s just the way it is.

It does get a little better. You do start trying to embrace being alone. For me I had never been alone as an adult. Never had periods of my only responsibility being me. There is some beauty in being in that situation. Learning to kind of embrace that helps. It comes with time.

The other thing is just to make sure you make their time with you better than their time with mom. And let me tell you it isn’t hard. Moms are boring as hell. That way they’re excited to be with you. When we have joint things while she has kids, they always ask to come home with me and it pisses her off. Gotta take the W’s where you can.

emt_fire · 2025-07-15T03:35:29+00:00

I always have music playing

malsell · 2025-07-14T17:35:53+00:00

I still try to keep myself busy. It's been 2 years now and on the nights I don't have them it is still rough. I don't drink so I usually turn to gaming.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-07-14T14:17:02+00:00

I stayed at work until almost 7pm and then took my time getting home. Arrived at home after the kids bedtime so in a way i was lying to my subconscious thinking "the are asleep now anyway".

I did that for a few weeks.

EDIT: ABSOLUTLY DO NOT DRINK

upvotersfortruth · 2025-07-14T09:13:45+00:00

Plan something special for them. Or even not so special. Plan your next time with them. It's a huge opportunity to improve the quality of your parenting and their life. Quality >>>>> Quantity

ExpiredPleaseUpdate · 2025-07-14T08:32:54+00:00

I am looking forward to my first lonely nights - they'll start in about a month or two, as soon as the property acquisition is finished.

I'll play video games.

I'll read books.

I'll work on my pet project of a video game.

I'll study Dutch.

That's the immediate plan (of which even the first 2 entries can keep me going for thousands of hours), but I'm sure something will pop up.

Moist-Try-1123 · 2025-07-14T08:00:43+00:00

Been there done that. Can't deny that its painful, but it will be less painful as time flies. Learn some hobby, play video games, go to the gym or maybe have sex with another woman (don't jump into a relationship too soon). Keep it simple. Make most of your loneliness.

reapersritehand · 2025-07-14T07:56:28+00:00

I was recently telling a friend going thru a similar situation, those first couple of nights it's the quiet that is deafening and makes u wanna do something stupid, ive been there, cranking the music up trying to check the bottoms of bottles none of it helps

Usually_lurks12 · 2025-07-14T07:48:38+00:00

I called every person I thought I had as a friend and most ignored my calls. It was not great. I got very drunk and had some very not okay thoughts.

The next night I had sixteen people reach out and the support was overwhelming. I don’t know who spread the news but I went from Kurt Co-Blam to Superman over night when it came to support. I joined a gym, got my apartment cleaned up and decorated, and started chasing a new woman. Pretty soon I got more custody.

Just had a fantastic weekend vacation with my kids! Last weekend I had an amazing vacation with a beautiful woman and it’s all getting better.

It’s not all perfect. My ex still has primary custody and I fear she is trying to play some stupid games. I am in a war I can’t afford to lose but can’t afford to be in, and I’m paying for my opponent to stay in the war. But. I won’t give up.

Comfortable-Might240 · 2025-07-14T06:44:09+00:00

It's bullshit bro. Been there, done that. My recommendation is to contemplate ways you will never have to spend nights apart from your kids again. Your lawyer, priest, or therapist won't help you realize that. God might feel differently though

Familiar-Cobbler4567 · 2025-07-14T04:45:42+00:00

I'm in the same exact boat brother I feel for you I can only suggest don't dwell on the emotions it's ok to sulk in sorrow but not all day. Try to distract yourself with your favorite programs or music. Believe me easier said than done just know your not alone man even if you're not religious pray for peace

No_Pace2396 · 2025-07-14T04:42:37+00:00

Start a journal of your good memories and your life story. Make them a photo album.

DevinB12 · 2025-07-14T04:14:55+00:00

The quiet is hard for me. The first night was horrible, I cried all night I think.

22byseven · 2025-07-14T03:21:33+00:00

I still feel a deep emptiness when my kids aren’t with me three years later. The silver lining is that it has become a powerful motivator. I lean in even more as a father and make every moment count when I do have them.

TimelyResearch1702 · 2025-07-14T03:12:26+00:00

Sorry you are going through this. This is a really difficult question probably better answered by a trained therapist, hopefully you have one.

My gut feeling says that the best would be not be alone first few nights. Either ask somebody to sleep over or go to somebody's else house, if logistics permits.

Also you can't go wrong with exercise.

Title	First nights without the kids
Author	WearEfficient1160
Upvotes	17
Comments	16
Date	July 14, 2025 3:05 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1lzbl1x/first_nights_without_the_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/first-nights-without-the-kids.1557070 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557070

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EDIT: ABSOLUTLY DO NOT DRINK