(posted in /r/divorce too)I am about 5-6 months out from original separation. She filed and the divorce is going to be final in about a month. Our home is under contract and set to be sold around a month from now as well.

Early on in the separation, she was confident this is what she wanted and treated me pretty coldly and didn't want to speak to me about anything but business. I was devastated and was forced to focus on moving on and she even encouraged it and was basically making it clear I couldn't share my emotions with her. The first month or 2, I wanted her to change her mind and was hoping she would consider reconciling.

As time passed and I got about 3-4 months out from separation, my mindset changed. I had started working on myself, continuing therapy, going to the gym, etc. I had begun to accept that it was over and that I saw the root causes of our failures in the marriage - mostly a lack of intimacy emotionally and physically. There was a mostly dead bedroom from the beginning of our relationship even pre-marriage. She claims her emotional needs were not getting met either. There was a lack of passion and connection. We got married any way and that never changed. Resentment grew. I realized these things and I started focusing on my future and even met a new lady that I have a great connection with.

As things are getting closer to final, my STBX has become much more emotional and friendly with me. She found out I'll be moving to another state which I think set some of these emotions off on top of the finality of things. She even expressed that she is jealous im moving to this state, she likes the new version of me that I have been working on, and she is open to dating me after the divorce is final. She says she knows she needs the divorce though and still wants to move forward with finalizing the sell of the house and the divorce. I told her I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted and I don't know what the future holds. She basically got very defensive and told me "whatever have a nice life and hung up on me". I am sure some of this coming from fear and panic for her with the finality and not from a place of love and genuinely knowing she wants me to be her future.

All that said, I can't stop questioning things and the "what ifs". Until she mentioned the possibility of something after divorce, I felt so confident in my moving on. Now theres this glaring door open that I can't stop wondering about. But I also think "if she knew she wanted a future with me, why proceed with selling the house and not pause the divorce?" She claims that she would need a "clean slate" to be with me again, a fresh start. But, to me we would still be the same people. The memories and pain and past issues don't just magically disappear. Why would our sex life and intimacy be any different this time around?

I second guess myself and my moving on due to this open door. Or an illusion of an open door. I am leaning into my faith and praying for God's will to be done in my life and to show me that path I should take. I feel like it's unfair for her to open this door during the divorce and expect me to want to continue pursuing her after I have been through so much pain. That she can end the marriage, sell our home and I am still just as excited to want a future with her. I question if now I am doing the wrong thing and the bad guy for not committing to "dating her" after the divorce. My gut feels like I need to move on and not hold out or try this with her.

How and what do I focus on? Am I making a mistake? If I am not, how do I stop looking back at that open door?