Long story short. I have an ex from 25 years ago while in college and we share a 25 yr old daughter. A bitter falling out as young college kids left us not speaking and communicating for the entire 25 years. I was active in my daughter’s life thanks to her grandparents and kept a healthy relationship as a result. Last month my daughter and I had a wonderful heart to heart where she expressed dismay that after all these years her mom and I “won’t even speak to each other and it’s taking a toll on her.” I agreed I would say hi the next time I was around if they happened to be on the phone together. Well, it happened, I spoke and we exchanged pleasantries and we exchanged numbers and agreed to talk again soon then we said goodbye.

I have been married for 10 years to a woman I met and was exclusive with 17 years ago and we have a 12yr old daughter . No infidelity, but there has always been out of the blue accusations that I’m cheating or flirting or accused of being too friendly for things like helping a lady get a item off the shelf at the grocery store. Anyway, about 3 weeks ago my daughter’s mom text me and asked if I could talk. I told her “now wasn’t a good time and I would try to catch up with her later, what’s up?” She said nothing she just wanted to talk to me about our daughter and know if I was aware of “some things” about her. I told her yea we can talk but it would be a few before I was able to chat. She told me she was headed out of town for the weekend on a long date and would be back until Sunday night. She sent a picture of her face in the car, nothing risqué or provocative, just a pic. I replied, “cute” and said we will catch up Sunday or Monday. This was on a Friday.

On Friday night, my wife and i had a few friends over (2 couples) for some games and food. At the end of the night we head upstairs to bed and after scrolling the net, I passed out. Next morning she is accusing me of cheating and having an affair with my daughter’s mother after she went thru my phone and saw the text. I explained what it was, apologized for not telling her, but assured her it wasn’t any lying inappropriate going on, nor was there plans to be. She is now love bombing, threatening to divorce, telling me my 12 yr old is going to hate me for ruining our family, calling me a narcissist, threatening me with child support and alimony and not continuing to believe the two of us “must be getting back together, because what is there to talk about after 25 years?” I apologized for not telling her I spoke to her and tried to explain because she went thru my phone and “found it” doesn’t mean I had anything to hide. Again it’s been 3 weeks and all she does is constantly send me instagram reels of “experts” saying texting is cheating. Because i don’t respond, she now gets extremely confrontational by aggressively yelling and screaming at me “is texting cheating, yes or no?” Over and over.

I can’t keep this up. I’ve written an extremely long letter to her explaining she doesn’t let me talk and constantly talks over me and this is the best way to communicate. I acknowledge she feels betrayed and but assured her it wasn’t my intention and I see now how she feels.

Last night, she starts playing songs in the house at high volume about getting divorced and starting over. Yet, she won’t communicate a single thing to me. I want this to be over and this has been happening the entire time we’ve been married. She goes off on agent about something she perceives, regardless of facts and I’m instantly apologizing for something I didn’t do. I’ve never cheated. Yet she text me last night asking why won’t I just come clean about the affair. My daughter’s mom lives I. Seattle and we live in DC. What affair? I’ve talk to her once and we texted once. I’m ready to end this marriage because I can’t keep doing this.

Plot twist: she is clearly up stairs talking to a guy on the phone. Laughing and “omg are you serious?” as I walk pass to brush my teeth. Then it turned into one word answers: “yea, nope, and it’s possible.” Not a single word from me. I simply brushed and left the room.