Man to man, I need some help on this.

Substantial_Bake_831 · 2023-05-23T21:32:29+00:00

It only matters what you can prove. So all of that stuff means nothing if it’s made up. Don’t get concerned with the petty. You need to make it about the kids. Be focused. I want me kids because I can provide and list it out. A Better plan better living situation. Better school.

Pigs play in the mud. You should be more concerned with being the better parent to the courts

david10277 · 2023-05-23T22:19:47+00:00

Waste of time..your playing games with a clown so you will just become part of the circus.

50/50 on custody

50/50 split on assets

Nothing more nothing less...judges dont care about your banter and accusations.

If it's not jeopardizing the safety and well being of the child. It does nothing..your just gonna waste time and money for nothing, lawyers will love the emotional responses it provides and just sit back while you both vent ...its useless.. shes gotta be smoking crack and disappearing for days on end for unequal division of custody and assets to happen. I have been thru this divorce machine.

These are steps to follow : (yes I'm writing a book)

Step 1 -book a court date to see a judge ,she wont "work it out"

Step 2 -get your financials in order - know what you need to pay support wise and how much will be left.

Step 3 - offer mediation as a way to avoid court ..but book a court date to show your not fucking around

Step 4 - start thinking about what you want your life to look like post divorce so you can avoid fighting for things you dont give a fuck about...(ie..the stamp collection) BUT PRETEND YOU DO ...so you can use to negotiate in mediation

Step 5 - hit the gym and work off the anxiety - stress is real and the lawyers love to drag it out.

Step 6 - stay focused on your kids and what you want that relationship to be.

Step 7 - don't date any girl..yes any ...NO DATING ,ZERO ,NADA she will be a rebound and to be clear you are just looking for pussy to relieve the stress of the divorce..SHES NOT THE ONE...if you find a new girl to replace your ex wife move in with her and try to build something you will be back at Step 1..it takes time to heal and recover from this ..your not emotionally or mentally ready to deal with another vagina

Step 8 - dont remarry..ever ....if not clear see step 7

Step 9 - come back here and help other guys navigate the divorce machine. I have been in for 2yrs and I'm battered, bruised, financially depleted, but I fucking survived it.

Mine took 2yrs and lawyers fees about 85k She got half my assets about 300k cash + 40k from my retirement transferred to hers , a paid off car, I'm paying both CS , SS and she had the affair and she was not a stay at home mom..

32 years together as I write this ..4 grown kids.. Divorced started 2yrs ago..last child is on CS

Just moved into my new place, feels new , I feel free , I feel like I can do anything now.. yes some days are tough, yes some days are hard , but remember this is just a chapter and not your whole story.

To all you guys reading this..

If I can survive all that ...you can also !!!

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2023-05-23T22:01:28+00:00

There is no “winning” divorce my friend, only surviving. Be able to hold your head high when the process is over.

Orwellisnow · 2023-05-23T21:23:46+00:00

Be careful, I’m sure a lot of us have had what we believed to be “laughable” allegations thrown our way only to find a commissioner/judge type definitely not laughing.

Nobody-941 · 2023-05-23T21:49:22+00:00

You won't get more than 50/50 unless she is a dangerous crack whore, and you shouldn't. Prove your case against her allegations. This is not the first time a Judge has heard false allegations, maybe not even the first time that day. Hopefully the court will see right through it.

Prove your worth as a father and get your kids...they need their father as much as their mother.

DistributionSpirited · 2023-05-23T21:49:21+00:00

Good with your lawyer saids and be honest. You’ll be fine don’t make up anything or undersell just be factual and you’ll be fine.

Reasonable_Wheel_864 · 2023-05-23T21:09:17+00:00

Don’t do this. Go for 50/50 kids and assets. Do mediation first. This will look fair to a judge. And the lawyers will be 😡

RuRu_1999 · 2023-05-23T23:19:23+00:00

Honestly describe your ex’s weaknesses.

Objective_Problem_90 · 2023-05-24T02:56:41+00:00

Well, I had all sorts of evidence of violations my ex did. Like withhold my child from seeing me for 3 months. I was told by two lawyers, sure we could go to court over that, but it's very possible the judge would just slap her on the wrist, meanwhile it'd cost me well over 10k just to try and go after that. Focus on what you can control. Going after her for all sorts of stuff hoping a judge will come down hard on her will most likely cost you tens of thousands of dollars.

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-05-24T17:35:50+00:00

A couple of comments. First, if it's a no-fault divorce (which it probably is), you've probably gotten off-track. Women do this all the time; my ex-wife certainly did. As the name implies, no one is at fault. Yet, lots of women ignore it and come to court with a long list of complaints. My ex-wife thought the judge was really a referee who would rule on every argument we ever had, ever.

And the judge has seen it all before. Every woman in family court says that her husband is an abusive, nasty, drunk, dirty, cheating, alcoholic monster who kicks kittens.

I understand the use of your word "laughable". I really do. During discovery, for example, when my lawyer asked my ex about her employment, she took it as an opportunity to describe how she can no longer work as the result of all the years of horrible psychological abuse she suffered at my hands. She had no proof of anything; in fact, I had plenty of proof that she was happy and working for years. The sparing is frustrating, but ultimately, the judge really didn't care about any of it.

Speaking for myself and a few other men, the thing to really focus on is her ability to work, to earn, to support herself. It's amazing how many "strong, independent" women come to a divorce asking for lots of support payments.

If you're fighting a custody battle, that gets a little more tricky. If she really does have a problem with drugs or alcohol, for example, that really can be a factor. In that case, I'd get as much evidence as I could and show it to my lawyer.

now is definitely the time to play dirty

I hear you. I really do. I've been there. I've been falsely accused of doing some horrible things to my kids. I understand the retaliation instinct in our lizard brains. Be careful that it doesn't become a "race to the bottom". That is, purely a contest to see who can accuse the other of the most horrible thing.

Some of best advice I got in my divorce: Run your case. That is, build your case, your arguments, your viewpoint, your path forward. And stick to it. Don't let your case become simply a reaction and a response to HER case. Drive YOUR case forward; let her do the same. If you're right, it will show.

captainchippsixx · 2023-05-24T22:49:28+00:00

Emails and texts are the best evidence Documented Mental health issues on her part (What scripts is she taking). Employment spotty? She get fired? She been sued? She an alcoholic? She have a crimson record?

Title	Man to man, I need some help on this.
Author	tecnic
Upvotes	2
Comments	14
Date	May 23, 2023 8:54 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/13q0g6w/man_to_man_i_need_some_help_on_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/man-to-man-i-need-some-help-on-this.1220125 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220125

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