Hi everyone, New here and first post on Reddit. I am 38m, she is 41f. No children. Married a little over 5 years. I essentially initiated the divorce around 3 months ago. We had our issues and something got into me which let a bad conversation go where it never went before. Within a few weeks we were dividing assets and looking at cashout refis and an apartment for me. 3 weeks went by, living together and planning, then I moved out. Quickly after moving out, within a few days, I completely regretted my decision. She wanted to do counseling originally and I wasn't up for it. Once I had changed my mind, and I was up for counseling, it was off the table, and she started sharing how unhappy I made her throughout the years.

The first week was terrible. I acted like a child. I was in selfish pain. The next week was bad, but less so, but we were bargaining about things including counseling and a separation agreement.

Now, one month later, all I feel is the pain of how I treated her at times. It's terrible and I don't know what to do each day. All I can think of is previous actions, words, behaviors, and how much pain this could have caused. I can barely focus throughout the day.

Has a similar situation ever happened to anyone? Has anyone else felt a break with their identity after this? (Where everything looks different and you see yourself more clearly?) Has anyone else been blind to the way they were treating their spouse until it was too late?

I am coming to believe at times my behaviors crossed the line, and that it could have been emotionally, verbally abusive behavior...

I would truly appreciate any assistance. Thank you