Told her last night Update

ThrowawaySunnyLane · 2026-01-12T12:26:28+00:00

She’s happy with the status quo. That’s why she’s not taking it well. You’ve decided you’re not happy.

IMO once the separation card is played it’s nearly impossible to take back.

Be aware of something called hysterical bonding, where suddenly she’ll want to shower you with love and sex to get you to stay. As soon as she’s comfortable you’re not going anywhere it’ll dwindle again.

Stick to your guns. You deserve happiness.

Edit: reading through the comments from yourself, my only criticism of you is that you don’t communicate. But this appears to be an issue with both of you not just her. It’s pretty clear you’ve fallen out of love with this person.

UsualResult · 2026-01-11T18:29:07+00:00

I assume she wants a divorce? She says she doesn't.

She wants to live in a holding pattern for the rest of her days. Unless she's critically depressed, then you can say she's quite satisfied with the amount of intimacy you two share. If she respected and loved you, this intimacy would come naturally. Since you have taken it a step further and explained its value to you, that means she either cannot meet your needs and will not meet your needs. If you are happy being celibate the rest of your days stay in the marriage. If you want a change, you'll be forced to break it off. Go look in /r/deadbedrooms. NO amount of talking, even over years and years, is likely to fix your problem.

Sorry to bring doom and gloom, but if you want happier days, you have to fight through the bad times to get there and it won't be easy.

MensDivorceCircle · 2026-01-11T13:05:03+00:00

Asking for sex never works, that is the surface level symptom, not the problem. The question is why doesn’t she feel safe to offer intimacy to you? Every man here should read non-violent communication, I should have read it long time ago.

How we communicate with her is more important than what we communicate about.

Example:

“I want to talk about something important to me. Over the past several months, we have not been physically intimate. I notice I feel disconnected and a bit lonely when that happens. Physical closeness is one of the ways I feel loved and secure in our relationship. Would you be open to talking with me about how intimacy feels for you right now and what you need?”

How many “I” statements did you notice there?

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-01-10T10:45:21+00:00

Well sex is not unreasonable to ask for in a marriage. She does not realize that men need sex for connection not just for physical pleasure. I'm sorry my guy, to me that is a deal breaker. She can go live a life of celibacy on her own without you I think. Maybe ask her if she wants to be a nun.

Sketaverse · 2026-01-10T08:26:10+00:00

I mean, did you really think a chat like that would make her horny? lol… mate.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2026-01-10T00:42:54+00:00

If it's been 5 years since she lost attraction for you there is no way for her to ever to regain it. You have 6-12 months before they turn the switch off for you permanently if they lose attraction.

Too late now but remember that for your future romantic relationships. When her legs start closing is the time to take action, not 5 years down the track.

It doesn't matter what she wants at this point. If you want a a great sex life you will have to divorce, heal, learn, and go find a new partner.

PghSubie · 2026-01-09T21:04:18+00:00

Did you get her to quit any hormonal birth control?

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-01-09T19:51:58+00:00

Why don't you just start having sex with other people then?

ToughPill · 2026-01-09T19:47:16+00:00

6 days is a very short amount of time. Would recommend marriage counseling. Don’t blow up your marriage over this.

TXJohn83 · 2026-01-09T19:22:19+00:00

Unless you are in your young 20's I don't see a massive issue here.

You might try posting to dead bedrooms sub for better advise.

Grafixx01 · 2026-01-09T19:03:15+00:00

Man, that sucks. Best just to cut bait, run and get out. Sorry

IronHot1546 · 2026-01-09T18:42:35+00:00

Bloody hell. 6 days is like a menstrual cycle. My wife and I haven't in almost 5 years.

Hairy_Result5992 · 2026-01-09T18:27:36+00:00

Can’t negotiate desire

RiseNo3399 · 2026-01-09T18:19:30+00:00

She’s not interested in you. Hope she doesn’t have you by the financial balls.

Title	Told her last night Update
Author	youknowwhatsup5252
Upvotes	16
Comments	24
Date	January 9, 2026 6:15 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1q8fsz0/told_her_last_night_update/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/told-her-last-night-update.1570788 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570788

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