What should I do?

Gattsama · 2022-09-03T06:26:51+00:00

Seek therapy but also accept that she is not pulling her weight. Set fitm and strong boundaries, then enforce them. For example, if the dishes are not done tonight I am not going to do them. I will take our daughter and go eat without you. I understand you are upset, but I will not allow you to speak to me this way if you continue to do so I will terminate the conversation. Then do so, get up, walk away, if needed leave. Then set goals, we can continue in 10 mins if you are willing to speak respectfully then.

Understand she has zero motivation to change. You have already demonstrated she can freely act this way. So you need to change, because you can only control you. Then observe how she responds. Don't worry about upsetting her or the relationship failing, you are already there. She's going to be upset no matter what, and you are already failing.

Openly and honestly tell her where you are and what you want. Don't bring up divorce (unless ready to talk about divorce) but fair to say: we are failing, this is not sustainable, etc.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-09-03T15:12:16+00:00

you are on VERY dangerous territory. Divorce will mean you will pay child support and alimony, which can be up to 50% of your NET income.

If you can't get her to work ASAP I suggest you leave your job for a year, divorce her. Or start your own business. You will still come ahead long-term.

TheBoyBand · 2022-09-03T05:27:48+00:00

This sounds like my life entire marriage, GTFO now like NOW.

david10277 · 2022-09-03T12:51:50+00:00

Your unhappy because you are carrying all the weight and she has some kind of entitlement. Like popping out a baby is all she needs to do.

Try marriage consulting..she needs to financially contribute to the marriage.

She needs to go back to school or take a course. Get employed.

If you divorce her now..the law will forice you to support her since she is unemployed.

Speak with her , and get counseling first.

essgee_ai · 2022-09-03T18:15:51+00:00

This sounds like my life but after 15 years (married for 20) with two children.

She left work after my first kid was born, and while it was supposed to be for a short while, she never went back even though I begged her to. She doesn't like to cook or clean so she makes basic things, and would clean like once a month. The kids are old enough that I get them to help around.

I'm at the end of my rope working 14-hour days and coming home to a sink full of dishes and having to make myself something to eat.

I wish I had left earlier when I saw red flags. You should do the same.

stent00 · 2022-09-03T17:21:35+00:00

Well if she's not shining your silver and polishing your knob not much use to her. Sounds like she's aimless in life. If she's not employed she should at least have supper ready for you every night. My ex was the same... Had to work all day then take after the kids all night and cook supper and clean. Never again!! You got a dudd dude

WartimeDad · 2022-09-03T19:36:34+00:00

Hit record on your phone and record her yelling without her knowing. You’ll think me later.

Get an attorney, also without her knowing.

Character_Hippo90 · 2022-09-03T12:41:34+00:00

Sadly, you sound like you married for beauty and not brains. This is the other side to a “pretty face”. You’ll never lose your daughter but you will lose your mind if you don’t get out now.

JDAlabama7 · 2022-09-04T04:12:22+00:00

Leave her now. Don’t settle for less. Better to get out now

gnackered · 2022-09-04T13:36:37+00:00

Looks bad. Don't impregnate her again.

cathkyth1 · 2022-09-03T07:28:50+00:00

You said you wife is unemployed. Who is watching your toddler ? Is daycare expensive in your city ?Maybe put your toddler in daycare and ask your wife if she wants to get some training, try something new and work? If shes home all day being the primary caregiver to a toddler. she might not be as happy about that as you think. She might be happy to go back to work, or do some kind of training. Get more independence and freedom! She could be unhappy because she is home all the time with a toddler and wants to do something else but cant ? I mean adults should use their words but sometimes you might have to ask and have a sit down with her. You are fighting now but there must be some qualites you loved in her ? I would remind her of what you guys have together. I would get a babysitter, take her to dinner. Take her for a walk somewhere quiet. Hold her hands if she likes that. Create a very intimate setting and connect to her first. Then sit her down, when she is completely receptive and have this talk. Just kindda like one last shot. Just a female perspective

105rangers · 2022-09-03T04:25:36+00:00

Go to therapy and try to work it out.

upvotersfortruth · 2022-09-04T04:41:55+00:00

Has she been diagnosed with depression?

DontPissOnMyGrass · 2022-09-03T13:47:07+00:00

Sounds just like my situation.

ethereumturk · 2022-09-04T00:06:39+00:00

Damn

Additional_Way1346 · 2022-09-04T00:21:34+00:00

Did she have post partum depression? It can last a year. Did you both of you have time together without daughter? She can have jealousy of the child having your attention but not her. Maybe pound a the table once & show your anger. Ask her what do you want? Ask her If she wants to work? Does she resent your daughter for having you to herself when you come home? Couples forget about " time together" when a baby is added to the mix. You need to reconnect again. Things you did before she came along. My sis Asked me to babysit on Fridays to help them go on dates without kids. It helped save their marriage. They both hashed it out to discuss what gets on their nerves about the other and worked on compromise. I also took care of them so they can have mini weekend vacations. I had a blast until my niece ratted on me innocently. we threw clean laundry all over the house, ate ice cream & drank sodas. All no-no's after 6pm.

I_got_BAnaNaS · 2022-09-04T02:23:15+00:00

Talk to a divorce attorney now about how not to get fucked. Laws differ a lot state to state, so advice on here may not be accurate for you. But male breadwinners usually get fucked. Then see if you can go to couple’s counseling to find out what’s really wrong that she is angry at you all the time. And be open to the idea that the problem can only be resolved if both of you work to fix it. And please don’t call your wife caring for a toddler from 6am-4pm unemployed. I take care of my kids 4 days a week and work 10 hours a day the other three. My work days are my easy days. (Although my kids are harder than average.) It can be exhausting - especially if your wife is depressed.

Title	What should I do?
Author	TotallyNormalUsernam
Upvotes	29
Comments	33
Date	September 3, 2022 4:20 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/x4lcqk/what_should_i_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-should-i-do.1130296 https://theredarchive.com/post/1130296

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