Would getting a paternity test cause me more harm than good?

Direct_Cattle_6638 · 2024-11-10T22:13:47+00:00

Do it, I did this and it was one of the final nails in my marriage. I bought one “out of curiosity” that she found out about and flipped her shit saying if I used it we would be done and if I returned it maybe she would forgive me. Obviously I bought a second secret one and was able to find out that my kid is mine. The few days waiting period on the results was the saddest and most stressful times in my life. My guess is your love for your kids will not change but… it takes a certain type of person to commit paternity fraud, very sociopathic in nature. Whether or not you would want to continue to tether yourself to that person would be your choice. Take the test though for peace of mind

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-11-09T19:53:26+00:00

OP, you don’t ask, you f’n do. You SHOULD divorce her due to her infidelity. Get the test done before filing. If the resemble you, it means NOTHING, because she could have a TYPE preference in men.

techrmd3 · 2024-11-06T23:02:10+00:00

I think it's good to find out if the kids are biologically yours, likely at least one is...

It is something to keep in ones back pocket when in the future a teenager gets mouthy and then you inform them in graphic terms their mother is a garden implement used to remove weeds, and you in fact are not their real father. Depending on mouthy circumstances, it might be very instructive to the blessed child.

One thing to realize no matter WHAT the test comes back as those kids are LEGALLY YOURS... do not even think you can change a birth certificate.

This is why we have birth certificates where mother and father are stated, it's a sworn statement and legal understandings do not trump medical technology no matter how compelling

Camille_Toh · 2024-11-09T05:53:54+00:00

Do they not resemble you? Try asking someone neutral who is naturally good at “telling.” Tip—women are better than men in this regard. Frankly, as a “super recognizer” I find it puzzling when people can’t see/hear familial “echoes” in facial and body features etc.

I’d say odds are they are your bio children, and you’d be causing them harm whether the plan is to involve them in cheek swabs or stealing their saliva some other way (which wouldn’t work anyway).

VariousScallion8597 · 2024-11-08T23:45:50+00:00

Why are you asking her????

Jesus Christ. Men are so effing broken. You should have just tested them already. You don't need her permission. You don't need our opinion.

You should have done it as soon as the first was born especially if there was a threat of cheating.

Men are so insanely weak now. This is why women have been dominating the last 20 years.

Sea_Emu_4259 · 2024-11-07T08:47:41+00:00

* STD checks is needed here
* If they are not yours, kids need to know at some point who is their genitor . It does not mean yo are not their dad. Btw dont ask or tell her for DNA test.
* If you are not divorced yet, some states could punish her financially for adultery (0no alimony). So that test is relevant

Ancient-Homework7557 · 2024-11-07T05:49:45+00:00

Get it and love your children as you always have even if you aren’t their biological father. That isn’t their fault. And they know you as dad. That’s what important. Be dad. Nurture over nature in this care. Good luck.

Smoovie32 · 2024-11-07T01:28:15+00:00

Do it yourself and do not tell her or anyone else you are doing it. Keep those results secure and in a place with remote access like a secret email. If you end up divorcing and you are in an at fault state, it will help you if it turns out they are not yours.

If they are yours, keep it to yourself until she does the inevitable “kids aren’t yours” line during an argument. Then you can unload on her in-kind.

As for how you will feel, only you can know that. If you are questioning now, there may be a problem with not testing. Just remember they did not chose this but they can still choose you to be their dad, just as you can choose to continue to be their dad. In any case, a counselor needs to help you through these feelings.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-11-07T00:55:17+00:00

Why is it about you? If you’re not their genetic father, they have the right to know. Accurate health history being one of many reasons. How and when you let them know is a different question. And if you can’t handle it emotionally, talk to a therapist. My parents love me and we have no genetic relation. You shouldn’t feel different about them - you should feel different about her. They didn’t choose this, they shouldn’t be punished.

chinesemafiano · 2024-11-07T00:18:35+00:00

Get it tomorrow these typa thoughts don’t just go away over time

jimsmythee · 2024-11-07T00:13:51+00:00

Just get it done and get the answer you need to hear.

If you don't, it will gnaw at you forever.

AirSailer · 2024-11-06T23:21:59+00:00

If she was sure she wasn't cheating on you when you child was conceived AND she has a history of cheating, then she should be bending over backwards to prove you are the father. If she's trying to convince you that you are the father, but doesn't want to get an actual test performed, then you have you're answer. Thus, you have to get it done without her knowledge in such a manner that she cannot intercept the results and change them before you see them.

FUMoney · 2024-11-06T23:05:13+00:00

You can do it. Get a cheek swab from the kids. Then do your own. Send it in, look at the results. These are your purported children, and this is your right as a purported biological parent to confirm whether these offspring are, in fact, your biological progeny. It is your right. And given the significant amount of paternity fraud, it is entirely appropriate.

Have the results either emailed to an account only you control, or mailed to a location where your wife cannot intercept and shred it.

ScaryInformation1436 · 2024-11-06T22:32:19+00:00

Get it done.

RespectInevitable479 · 2024-11-06T22:30:34+00:00

Get It then update us

leaving4me · 2024-11-06T21:52:36+00:00

I've read alot of peoples stories that say there would be nothing to gain from a financial standpoint. Unless the bio father can be determined you are on the birth cert and have raised them to this point and that makes you financially responsible. Beyond that, kids deserve a father and to them you are it. What benefit comes of this for anyone after the fact? Are you looking to emotionaly damage kids and possibly yourself, because that's the only likely outcome of this while nothing else changes. And unless you are in an at fault state the court doesn't care about cheating and drama.

soontobesolo · 2024-11-06T21:48:43+00:00

I'm always a proponent of having more information. The truth is important. The way you decide to act based on that truth is up to you.

Just do it in secret so she doesn't freak.

Title	Would getting a paternity test cause me more harm than good?
Author	Sylvester_Shalom
Upvotes	15
Comments	22
Date	November 6, 2024 9:45 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1gla248/would_getting_a_paternity_test_cause_me_more_harm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/would-getting-a-paternity-test-cause-me-more-harm.1534854 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534854

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