Advice Needed: The Red Pill Made It Impossible for Me Trust Women

-Tamsin- · 2020-10-27T12:02:19+00:00

I suggest that you try building friendships with women, not only a relationship with your SO. It can give you experiences and bonds that can counter the perception of women that you have now, without having the same kind of stakes as you would have in a relationship.

Also just as a side note, there is no universal truths in women. Some women cheat others not, just try not to generalise all women to be the same.

I_like_the_word_MUFF · 2020-10-27T12:10:39+00:00

Does TRP matter at this point?

I mean you have given yourself only two choices: forever alone or risk pain.

For a vast majority of people, the potential of a relationship going south is not crippling. It's not panic inducing. It's not keeping them alone. In fact, most people accept that as a part of life. One thing in an endless amount of things beyond our control.

Now you can sit back and call all those people names, tell yourself they're stupid sheep, or whatever comforts you in the middle of the night, but in the end they have one thing you don't. Courage. They also have acceptance. Like the acceptance honored in the Serenity Prayer.

You have to find this in yourself. Nobody can give you that. No video will teach you it. No money can pay for it. No surgical procedure to install it. No test will protect you. No guarantee. No warranty. No safety net.

Fear: You either choose to let it cripple you or you choose to overcome it.

Swordfish1762 · 2020-10-27T12:34:28+00:00

You're paranoid. I was briefly about halfway Red Pilled before I realized what absolute BS these guys are. As soon as I walked away and stopped with the nonsense -- my love life took off.

One important thing to remember, the women who fall for RP'ers and their BS, are damaged and weak women who are the ones that will be toxic partners for a man. The women are also the ones who will lie, cheat, and steal on the RP'ers, simply because this is the type of woman that falls for the RP BS. "Normal" women see right through these morons and laugh at them. However, the weak and sick ones who have no defense are the ones who fall prey to them. These "low value women" (using their own RP verbiage) are the ones who will make a man's life a disaster. And when the "normal" women laugh at them and turn them down, the RP's become angry and attack them and begin a campaign of elementary school name calling.

boyraceruk · 2020-10-27T11:49:25+00:00

Have any of your girlfriends cheated on you so far?

sarah-goldfarb · 2020-10-27T14:38:29+00:00

As a woman who has never cheated or thought about cheating, but has been cheated on, I can inform you that your belief is most certainly not true. And stereotypically it's the man that cheats, as men are less tied to the home and children, and men tend to find sex more enjoyable than women do.

You should read about Nazi propaganda tactics. TRP is the same way. They present you with caricatures of the the people they want you to hate, make up lies about their opponent and then hammer the image into your brain.

Relationships are inherently risky. As Dan Savage says, "every relationship you have will end until one doesn't." They can end for a many reasons, and it always hurts, especially getting cheated on. If you decide that it's not worth the risk, that's your choice. But most people decide it's worth the risk, because relationships feel good and can be very rewarding and help you grow as a person. It's important to not put relationships on a pedestal, which you seem to be doing here a little bit, and understand that most of them do end, and that's ok. At the end of the day, the only person you will be with forever is yourself, so you should focus most of your attention on developing yourself.

MyblackopinionYT · 2020-10-27T16:12:30+00:00

Btw you guys are actually really making me feel better. This is helping a lot. Thank you so much 😌🤘🏾

Fluorenone · 2020-10-27T13:37:52+00:00

I don't think the Red Pill did it. I think the ideology preyed upon your pre-existing insecurities and fears, and those are the root problem.

I think it can be beneficial for people with fears and resentments to journal about them, but also journal about gratitude. Gratitude helps a lot.

I would definitely recommend seeing a therapist or psychologist.

Graineon · 2020-10-28T00:27:28+00:00

Imagine there are two types of thoughts that can come into your mind. One is a judgmental kind. It feels unpleasant. Pretty much all red pill thoughts are judgmental thoughts. The other has a more fun, joyful, peaceful feeling.

A thought can only exist in your mind while you're actively focussing on it, otherwise it goes away on its own. So when you feel a judgmental thought come up (what if she cheats, all women are xyz), simply let it pass. Don't jump into it even though it seems and feels real in the moment. You'll come back to a nice feeling and feel 'grounded' again.

If you can learn to discern thoughts by how they feel you'll have a much happier experience of life. The relationships you have with women will be filled with joy because you won't be harbouring all these thoughts. You'll find yourself feeling close and intimate and trusting the vast majority of the time (it's okay if occasionally these judgmental thoughts come up, just another opportunity to let them pass)

Allow them in, let them pass, come back to a nice feeling. Spend quality time together and enjoy life.

No ideas can have power over you except what you choose to give your attention to moment-by-moment.

asshole67throw · 2020-10-27T16:05:24+00:00

I mean, anyone is capable of cheating under the right circumstances.

The way you have to look at it is that adulatory is the symptom of a failing relationship.

The mindset you have to have is: if they leave you or cheat that is your loss. Don’t take them back, replace them with better.

Basically try to view cheating as a break up. Don’t take it personally. It’s their problem, not yours, don’t let it distract you from your own happiness.

hexalby · 2020-10-27T17:02:56+00:00

As with most trp things, this attitude threatens to be a self filfilling prophecy. Not opening up and not trusting your partner is a surefire way to lose their trust and love.

xvszero · 2020-10-27T16:58:11+00:00

You know this isn't reasonable, that's why you're here.

Gotta cut out that red pill shit. It's the worst kind of thing... lies AND makes your life worse. One or the other is bad enough, but a combo of both is horrible.

RedPillDetox · 2020-10-27T16:24:34+00:00

The only real antidote for this is Radical Trust.

TRP teaches Radical Distrust and to always be on the look out. You need to go the opposite way and practice radical trust for a while.

Radical Distrust is a sure way to be unhappy because you're constantly agonizing over the idea of her cheating. Taken together, Radical Distrust probably ends bringing you more pain than her actually cheating on you.

As a matter of fact, Radical Distrust may contribute for you to start becoming jealous and controlling and in the end she ends up cheating precisely because of the relationship dissatisfaction it creates, ironically enough.

With Radical Trust you're buying yourself peace of mind all the time, which is priceless, and effectively reducing conflict due to jealousy.

And let's be honest: If a girl wants to cheat, she'll cheat and there's not much you can do about it. It's easy to cover it up if she's careful enough. Most people won't end relationships out of suspicion alone, and usually need tangible evidence (like catching compromising messages on the cell phone or so) because they're scared that they are being paranoid and ending things unfairly and impulsively.

So the only logical option is radical trust. It clears your mind, reduces conflict and in the end, if she wants to cheat, she'll do so and there's little you can do anyway, so yeah.

It takes one strong mofo to do this tho...

KurkTheMagnificent · 2020-10-27T18:43:29+00:00

You have to honestly learn to not care. I agree with Rich Cooper's line "A woman should be a compliment to your life, not the focus".

If you put all your energy into women, of course it'll affect your more if they leave you. Much like diversification in the stock market, you must have other sources of meaning in your life be it hobbies, friends, and whatnot.

Comfortable_Intern57 · 2020-10-27T19:39:30+00:00

I've had several guys cheat on me in the past. If it happens, it happens, just move on, they were obviously no good for you. My daughter's father got me pregnant on purpose and then cheated on me and became abusive after I got pregnant. I've been a single mother of a disabled child for 17 years.

Being cheated on is not the worst thing that could happen. Sure it hurts and it sucks, but just dump that toxic person if they do because you deserve better. Not everyone cheats. Just because I've been cheated on numerous times and have been in a couple of abusive relationships, I still don't think all men cheat or all men are abusive assholes.

boomadley · 2020-10-27T19:52:32+00:00

You have been made paranoid. Not to say that no women cheat, because of course some do just as some men cheat. But automatically thinking every woman will cheat on you is terrible science - You’re deciding outcomes for something that hasn’t happened yet.

I would recommend something I think every redpilled dude should do. Go and create a relationship with a woman you do not think of sexually. Someone older, not your type, family, whatever. Get to know her as a person really thoroughly. Make her well being your concern. Keep this up for a long time, like a year. If you can keep that friend and really get to know her, maybe it will help you see women who you are attracted to more completely as people as well.

Good luck and welcome back from the void! Good for you for trying to shake off the toxicity.

callmejay · 2020-10-27T19:27:19+00:00

This is stupid for two reasons:

Men cheat more often than women do. (Just google infidelity stats.)
Individuals aren't statistics. Choose someone who is trustworthy and you should be able to trust them.

InnsmouthMotel · 2020-10-27T13:17:54+00:00

I mean obviously the mindset isn't reasonable, even by your own metric you know it's not. I'd be less concerned with getting women than becoming more comfortable in your own skin. The fear of someone cheating is probably more closely tied up with feelings of inadequacy than you like to think about but it's there, it's part of how that fear can be so insidious in wedeling in. You're not going to get out of this mindset whilst women are one big homogeneous group

raziphel · 2020-10-27T19:16:58+00:00

Ask yourself how it did that, and then you can start finding ways to de-program yourself.

I'd suggest you do some research about how the human mind functions as well, especially regarding concepts such as "confirmation bias" and other logical fallacies. Much of redpill ideology is rooted in basic logical fallacies (like Appeal to Nature). Understanding the mechanics of how humans make decisions can help you make fewer bad decisions.

I'd also suggest researching emotional abuse and manipulation tactics, as well as cult indoctrination. Redpill uses all of those too.

Physical-Pie748 · 2023-09-15T23:53:01+00:00

i have the same problem. but i can never return to my old. i saw too many divorce stories about child support and too many statistics how women initiate most divorces and most men are blindsided, how many cant afford to pay child support. i mean if the laws would change maybe i would get married, but right now? nope. i dont hate anyone and im not blaming anyone for this, im just saying that many marriages dont work. and if you are one of them, you will pay for it. im not risking it

Mitza01 · 2020-10-27T18:15:52+00:00

Think of it as a good way of protecting your feelings until you know that she is worth it,that's all.

Bjay_jw · 2020-10-27T20:43:34+00:00

I think it's more so you having some insecurities you need to figure out of you think every girl you meet is going to cheat on you. Does that feeling come from having a lack of something?

2020-10-27T20:52:37+00:00

Total red pill is full of autists who have more experience with internet pseudoscience than real world experience. That should be enough for you to trust women more than “the red pill”.

yazidomj4 · 2020-10-28T03:02:12+00:00

Your mindsey will sure keep you protected which is really fine.

shootingstrz12345 · 2020-10-28T10:35:00+00:00

It's definitely just paranoia brought on by the redpill. You see how the redpill breeds insecurity? Messed up people cheat in general from both sexes. Would you cheat on your gf if a another chick offered herself to you? If no, that's exactly what most women in relationships would say. There's always going to be the outliers, and they can ruin people's trust in the opposite sex for life

So let's talk about their hypergamy theory. If that's the case, men are hypergamous too. Do we just blindly follow our sex drives and try to have sex with anyone that looks good in relationships? Men and women are not much different

Look at examples of men that cheat as well. Let's go with Arnold Schwarzenegger who cheated on his wife. And many other successful people who have left their long term partners for younger women. Humans in general have the capacity to hurt one another. TRP likes to think that women are mindless creatures who follow "their impulses" while men are holy creatures who do nothing wrong ever. ALL of us

Never stop working on yourself and you'll have nothing to fear. Trust me most girls are not willing to ruin a great relationship for sex with someone else. Unless like I said something is wrong with them. I don't care if Brad Pitt walked up to my partner, she would be flattered but say no in a heartbeat...

follerty · 2021-10-24T17:20:46+00:00

Relationship ending is not the worst pain.

Your long term girlfriend having a week 22 abortion is. Don't trust women, they may kill your child and donate it to science.

That is real pain. Your girlfriend leaving is a blessing, her killing your child on the way is murder.

Title	Advice Needed: The Red Pill Made It Impossible for Me Trust Women
Author	MyblackopinionYT
Upvotes	31
Comments	52
Date	October 27, 2020 11:45 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/jizkn8/advice_needed_the_red_pill_made_it_impossible_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/advice-needed-the-red-pill-made-it-impossible-for.322932 https://theredarchive.com/post/322932

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