Blackpilling experiences: what to do?

SquareExtra918 · 2026-05-18T15:42:08+00:00

OP, just because tie women found that guy attractive doesn't mean you aren't attractive. Black and white thinking is a cognitive distortion. They weren't saying you were ugly, they were saying their friends bf was attractive.

I hope that makes sense.

DearElise · 2026-05-18T16:11:37+00:00

You value yourself based off your looks that’s why you project onto everyone that they have the same value judgement system. Simple statement but think about it. No anecdote or study can convince you because it’s your internal belief about yourself. You will always be questioning it like you do in your replies to other comments sharing their anecdotes, and if anything getting into a relationship would be a miserable experience for the other person because they would always be reassuring you.

What to do? Honestly love yourself first. Make a list of things you love about yourself that is not related to looks. Anyone with healthy self esteem reading black pill thinks it’s ridiculous because they recognize “hey, this content is putting me down! I’m actually awesome despite what this content claims about men like me!” Yeah you don’t actually think you’re awesome. That’s the problem.

ProfoundlyInsipid · 2026-05-18T14:03:21+00:00

I am a woman. I have dated several men who didn't look like 'chads', just because I liked them as people. People become more attractive when you fall in love with them. My type is feminine looking skinny guys who are kind of androgynous. Just like how not all men are attracted to the same types of women. The idea that there is only one type of attractive person is very flawed, especially when it comes to what women find attractive in men.

I am not jaw-droppingly attractive either, very few people are. Yet most people have relationships and people who find them attractive. Women especially are not so led by physical appearance. Personality is worth a lot more.

Firelight-Firenight · 2026-05-18T15:58:32+00:00

Just because you aren’t your type doesn’t mean you aren’t someone elses.

Style, posture, and hygiene go a long way in polishing appearances and those are well within your control. Confidence too, but that’s something that comes with time and practice.

Also, please keep in mind that nobody will ever be louder than the voice you use to talk to yourself.

Limp_Huckleberry_575 · 2026-05-18T14:19:22+00:00

Personally ,I recommend getting on the root cause of your bad self esteem .

When did you start not feeling good enough ,I personally believe people who fall for doom beliefs are already predisposed to experiences that made feel unworthy ,it could be early bad experiences ,bullying ,perhaps shot childhood or feeling unloved early on .

I personally recommend therapy (EMDR or ifs?

I feel like the best could help to adress the part of you that feels unworthy would ifs therapy (integral guide website or Jay earley books are amazing in that topic .

If you don't have money to afford therapy ,please reply so I can send you helpful ressources.

MissParTee · 2026-05-19T14:51:41+00:00

You wouldn’t have lady friends if you were repulsive.Ask them casually what would make you more attractive as a person.

Joke around a bit. My ex always joked ‘I look much more handsome’ whenever he would see men or women looking at men. With a big wink (funny as hell).

meleyys · 2026-05-18T14:34:39+00:00

Sunsets and Christmas lights look nothing alike, but both are still beautiful. Not looking like a particular attractive dude doesn't mean no one will find you attractive.

palibard · 2026-05-19T20:51:59+00:00

I think you’re struggling with the pain of realizing that looks matter a lot to both genders. Women prefer hot men. Just like you prefer hot women.

I think women feel judged on their looks more commonly than do men (not to make it a victimhood contest.) That’s why women stereotypically focus so much effort on looking better. So this feeling of dread and envy is shared by both genders.

Personality is also attractive or repulsive. Think of a woman you know who is conventionally good looking, but you don’t really like her personality. Maybe she’s shallow, boring, dumb, rude, etc.

Then think of a woman who is not so conventionally good looking, but you like her personality. Maybe she’s fun, smart, cheerful, confident, etc.

Of course personality only gets you so far. But so do looks.

Everyone, male or female, fantasizes about a 10/10 supermodel partner with a perfect job and perfect personality who loves no one but them despite all their flaws. But no one gets that perfect fantasy partner who meets 100% of their standards. If that person existed, they would only want another perfect person. Everyone has to settle to some extent.

SquareExtra918 · 2026-05-18T14:03:24+00:00

As a woman who has felt ugly when men would talk about impossibly beautiful women - life isn't a competition, objectively some people are attractive in conventional ways, and despite this not all of them are considered sexually appealing to everyone.

When we seek validation from external sources we will always feel horrible about ourselves.

A therapist had me do an exercise that really helped me. After each bath/shower, she had me thank each part of my body as I put lotion on it. "Thank you legs, for allowing me to walk" etc. You might try that to help you appreciate the functional beauty of your body. It helped me a lot.

Temporary_Client9353 · 2026-05-18T14:00:15+00:00

Todo mundo passa por isso pq o padrao atravessa a todos, especialmente as mulheres, pode ter certeza disso.

LofiStarforge · 2026-05-18T15:06:20+00:00

Why does this bother you? Do you not like attractive women.

The problem with the Manosphere/redpill/etc is that there is a moralizing of women’s preference for physical attractiveness but men get off Scot free.

Intelligent-Ease158 · 2026-05-19T10:08:26+00:00

what’s the difference between red and black pill?

Remote_Space4938 · 2026-05-18T20:57:31+00:00

I’m surprised no one asked you for your age before spewing a bunch of advice your way.

AdComprehensive7939 · 2026-05-18T22:27:46+00:00

I dont know you but it hurts my heart that you are feeling this. Just like men, women arent a monolith. Some of the people I've fallen hardest for are not traditionally attractive at all. Think chubby, recessed chin, not tall etc. I'm into kindness, intelligence, ability to listen and collaborate/compromise, common interests and really dig people who have worked to develop a special skill or talent. Thats hot. Basically, maturity and passion for something do it for me. I'd be thrilled if we were all blind like voles, sniffing each other out for the right pheromones. I am what they call demi - I'm not interested unless theres an actual connection there. And fwiw I am considered attractive but am extremely offput by men who approach me for that reason, because superficiality makes me feel used and gross like I'm some object. Which is why I dont wear makeup and dress to hide my body, to avoid that nonsense. My beauty is for someone special, I dont need everyone to see it to feel validated and it can actually interfere with me just living and doing m'thing. That said, I can point out a "hot" person but that has little bearing on whether or not I will be attracted to them. Its all about what's inside, for me.

All to say, we aren't all the same. And as a bi woman, I have found men to be much more focused on physical appearance than women unfortunately (for those of us who like men.) You will still encounter women who care, or think they do, about looks. But its all relative. Just keep clean/groomed and smelling nice. Thats somewhat important for most of us. Some of us humans are far harder on ourselves than other people. I hope you get some help for the self esteem because you are worthy of love, and even just dating/fun times.

Title	Blackpilling experiences: what to do?
Author	Baballe12
Upvotes	8
Comments	116
Date	May 18, 2026 1:51 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1tgnard/blackpilling_experiences_what_to_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/blackpilling-experiences-what-to-do.1580670 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580670

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