Honest question, how can I avoid building resentment against women after bad dating experiences?

Jaroloth · 2020-09-06T11:14:32+00:00

In my opinion... the same way as you would with anything. Take ownership of the situation and don't be the victim. You are in control of who you date in the future. Use what you learn each time to better yourself and apply it to the next round. The person that you thought you were dating doesn't exist and never did. It doesn't mean all women are bad. Analyze what got you to where you are now. What you could have done better. Maybe think about what red flags or weird things your intuition told you that you ignored that you could have taken action on. Work on the dynamics that you yourself can control and forget the rest. Value yourself and don't care what others think.

tomowudi · 2020-09-06T12:44:03+00:00

Remember that everyone is the villain in someone else's story - even you.

We often don't realize how we make others feel. Out of politeness, or a desire to avoid conflict, sometimes are worst offenses against others are incidents we are completely ignorant of. We simply never realized how it would land, and many folks simply say nothing while harboring resentment over the worst possible interpretation of our intentions.

You have had bad dating experiences.

Maybe it's because you were a bad date.

Maybe it's because those dates were just with shitty people. Not all women are shitty. There are billions of women in the world.

Let's 20% of all women and men are shitty people.

Flip a coin. That's 50/50, right?

Flip the coin ten times and tell me which side comes up more - heads or tails? It should be 5 and 5, but it won't be. Because life is like that. It only shows us the parts we see, not all the parts that are true. And we start to take the parts we see as all there is.

But the reality is that it's only 20% of people that are shitty, and even that 20% isn't shitty all the time. Like you, people have bad days where they aren't their best.

Do you want to be judged by who you are on your worst day?

If not, don't assume that the worst experiences you have with others are them at their best. Maybe it's just a shit day and they are handling an awkward experience badly.

bagoonga · 2020-09-06T13:02:39+00:00

Understand this thing called individuality. No woman represents all women ever.

Quesarrito · 2020-09-06T13:17:42+00:00

Know that people can be negligent and hurtful at times. Humans aren’t perfect and often run off incomplete information with somewhat warped world views. Everyone is doing what they can with the knowledge they have. So find people with great qualities and hold on to them. It’s important to build solid social circles and they can help point out red flags you temporarily can’t see. Find a girl that wants to build a life together with you, not one trying to avoid being lonely or boost her own ego. It’s better to live courageously getting after what you want and risking getting screwed over from time to time rather than living in constant fear of it.

BlueAscetic · 2020-09-06T16:01:33+00:00

Well.. as a woman I’ve had bad dating experiences with a lot of men. I don’t hate men, I learn to spot red flags immediately. With experience, you learn to trust your intuition. I get a feel for who men are, and I observe very. closely. I look at how they react over time, and while I might give them respect, I don’t give just anyone my trust until they earn it.

Julia_Arconae · 2020-09-06T11:56:04+00:00

By realizing you're dealing with individuals and not representatives of an entire gender. Most people you meet will be trash, and women are no different. But you don't blame the gender for the actions of the person, just like you don't blame the race or eye color or hair style.

Jamonde · 2020-09-06T16:50:53+00:00

Since I haven’t seen it yet, I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through shitty experiences, man. I know that it’s tough, and anger and resentment are so easy to hold onto and permeate our existence. But women are just people, like you and me, tbh; they’re not a different species like TRP and others claim. Take in some of the other great advice here, sit with it, wrestle with it, and grow into what feels right and true. Keep asking questions of and contributing to communities like this one.

Fuzzy-Scene · 2020-09-06T18:17:07+00:00

Start by making some truthful realisations. Every person who dates has bad dating experiences in varying degrees. If people didn't then they wouldn't be dating right? You're looking for a certain type of person and so is the person you're on a date with. Some people bring out the best in you and some don't. When you calculate all the variables in dating people the chances of getting things right is actually very slim, which is why you keep looking.

Stop blaming everyone else and take some accountability, look at yourself first and what you might be doing that's wrong because that's the only thing you can change. If you have a bad personality you're more likely to attract people that are also like that. If you're a decent person you'll still attract the odd weirdo, it's a fact of life.

Don't treat all new people as if they were the last. Fresh person, fresh trust, fresh start. Dragging in your old baggage from past relationships is like taking your entire family on a first date so they can they can tell your date all your flaws and embarrassing stories. If you have many stories to tell then you should be working on them so you don't repeat them.

The most important thing to remember is that for every failed relationship you also played your hand in it. Even if they were abusive then you missed red flags, stayed too long, forgave too much, didn't stand your ground and so on. You must be completely honest with yourself as to how this came about and work on those issues.

unlivedbread · 2020-09-06T18:47:25+00:00

there are no bad women. only bad people

WestAtmosphere · 2020-09-06T16:08:06+00:00

It’s like a job interview, you can think it goes great or think the interviewer doesn’t see what you see in yourself etc. Just because you don’t get the job doesn’t mean you stop applying. It hurts the ego I totally get that. But there are people that struggle for ages in order to get somewhere. And this applies to all areas of life.

Also sometimes the more expectations we have the more easily disappointed we become. This doesn’t mean treat people like poop. For me it’s just the “don’t expect for men to make you feel special”. If it happens it happens if not then it isn’t meant to be.

SIN_Terra · 2020-09-06T19:04:35+00:00

Red Pill doesnt work, you just have to be red pill aware yet still compassionate. Dont simp dont compromise unless in your interest but never simp. Be a man which means emotionally undisturbed and confident. You are emotionally disturbed at this point. Let that shit go. STOP taking women so SERIOUSLY. If you're getting sex, communication and cooperation that's good enough. Dont expect, ask (but also remember closed mouths dont get fed) or want more from a woman. Be cool always and it will come to you.

medlabunicorn · 2020-09-06T20:08:51+00:00

If you keep on having the same issue with the women or the men that you date, the issue might be who you are choosing to date because of your own issues. Searching alternative venues (eg, bars are for ONS pickups, not for LTR material, for either sex) and/or therapy might be in order.

jarviez · 2020-09-06T20:26:19+00:00

Ironically.... a little bit of rp knoledge (without jumping into the deep end of bp or woman hating) can actually really help with this.

The rp isn't about hating women, it's about trying to understand them. And with understanding comes forgiveness! Totally counterintuitive but powerful.

If your feeling resentment you may simply be in the anger stage of morning. Whatever you have experienced it hurt you. This very forum with it's focus on "ex" red pill only works to keep you in the "Denial" or possibly the "Bargaining" stages of your grief.

Work though your grief and get through all 5 (or 7) stages. On the other side is "acceptance". And from there a better life.

Good luck!

reaper555 · 2020-09-06T23:03:19+00:00

We resent things we are attached or that we attribute worth to. Easy said then done I know. Realize that no one can give you worth only you can for yourself.

I’d say stop ruminating on resent and focus on things that make you happy. Most importantly give to people that will appreciate your giving.

UuddenVeyiers243 · 2020-09-07T16:17:41+00:00

It sucks man, I know. Vent your frustration productively and realize that the majority of women are not compatible with you.

Everyone is saying respect yourself. That's what will determine if you can shrug off the pain and keep hunting.

Walk away when you aren't getting what you want. If you make it to the second date, you'll need to make this decision.

Good luck.

Title	Honest question, how can I avoid building resentment against women after bad dating experiences?
Author	half_recent
Upvotes	31
Comments	38
Date	September 6, 2020 9:45 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/injcwj/honest_question_how_can_i_avoid_building/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/honest-question-how-can-i-avoid-building.173761 https://theredarchive.com/post/173761

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